Posted: 2017-09-11 15:59
Was I EUM in my 75s? I don 8767 t think so at least not from a place of avoidance or issues but if I was it was from a place of wanting to experience and grow into myself. I moved to NYC at the age of 69 with only $855, no credit and not knowing anyone in the city. I did it. I secured an apartment on the Upper East Side, worked as an stage actress earning my Equity card as well as eventually working at the MoMA without a college education. Was I particularly lucky? I would actually say yes, I was incredibly lucky as well as brave and hopeful. I had dreams and ambitions that did not align with marriage or having kids. I was self-aware enough to appreciate and understand where I was in my journey. I thought I had time. Time to live, grow and become more of myself as a person, an artist and a woman with experience.
5. If you 8767 ve already determined your boundary on this issue, don 8767 t bust it, live it. I know of quite a few people who were told to wait and come back when they 8767 d had some more time/got divorced. Now of course, a person who is avoiding their feelings will just find someone else to avoid them with but somebody who is genuinely interested in you and wants to start off on a good footing won 8767 t mind respecting your wishes at least they 8767 ll know that they 8767 re pursuing something with you because it 8767 s you they want to be with as opposed to seeking a distraction that 8767 s going to backfire when they realise that they 8767 re unavailable.
He left her with a 65 month year old child (validated in obsequious ways) to seek out his narcissistic supply on his website. Crazy? No, his ex-wife I can only imagine is a co-dependent. I am sad for his son raised by the polarities of these two parents but once I couldn 8767 t deny his actions and excuses anymore, I got out. It still steams me he cannot accept, own, apologize or make amends to me (or anyone else for that matter). There 8767 s a cruel cut when I was ego-stroking, listening to him and only him without his having any curiosity about me, sex and more with not so much as a proper date in return. But of course, I 8767 m the demanding bitch. I 8767 m supposed to lead a 97-year-old man (twerp) by the nose. It 8767 s my fault. I know better and I know what any woman who snags into him will get. Hope they enjoy the one-sided narcissistic relationshit he can provide and nothing more.
Awesome. Thumbs up. As I don 8767 t date for months on end. AC chuck, EUM chuck, AC/EUM/Narc chuck. Years truck by of this and whenever I finally relax my boundaries, my standards by virtue of doing the same cycle over and over again, then I get told, 8775 Well, you should 8767 n 8767 t have ignored those red flags. You should 8767 ve maintained your boundaries. You should this and you should that 8776 You don 8767 t think that isn 8767 t going to have a splintering effect over time?
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Eeks! I love it here and Nat 8767 s message saved me when I was floundering, but this current drama is seemingly become more like a Salem witch hunt and more about being right than about being helpful to each other. I guess I saw MR Writer coming more from a place of frustration than man hating. That was my 8766 devil is in the details 8767 interpretation. Glass half full. Drive her away and the message BR conveys is lost anyway.
We can adjust and maintain our boundaries but until we are ready to go offensive and take real action both as individuals and as a whole mentality, the problem will persist, it will worsen as it has and we are either abandoning thousands of years of societal evolution for the hope of some greater benefit (the likes so far I cannot see) or we will be conditioned into a new form of insidious slavery which is very much against feminism and women 8767 s liberation and is the unspoken backlash of men 8767 s misogyny and cruelty denied by themselves in the action and denied further by ourselves as we accept the unacceptable.
I learned a lot of lessons but I think we sometimes tell ourselves this positive takeaway to explain or validate our experience(s). Truth is, I still don 8767 t think I really needed this lesson and the more time goes by, the more sure I am of this hard truth. I didn 8767 t need someone to be disrespectful, ungrateful, selfish and callous to my feelings (he lacks any shred of empathy so how could he consider my feelings). Sometimes we just get unlucky and sometimes we get lucky. We try to make sense of it but I think we do the best with what is offered.
Listen, honey, I relate very well to everything you 8767 ve said, because I 8767 ve had all those feeling, too. But, I made damn sure I got as much help as I could get. You can do it to. You can change for the better, but don 8767 t try to do it alone. We 8767 ve all been in similar circumstances with similar feelings so your situation is not new. Chin up. Forget about his ex-wife. If her beauty was everything why is he divorced from her?
So now, it 8767 s time for a HUGE change. I am 99, I can no longer allow myself to allow my past to become an excuse for this kind of behaviour (on my part). I need to learn to truly love myself (as I never have, ever although I was pretty much told I was unloveable in various ways throughout my childhood, adolecence and beyond) but I now have the knowledge that has been missing, thanks to this AMAZING site. Thank you so much.
I started dating again and was charmed by a widower, but recently learned his wife passed away only a year ago. He 8767 s processing it nicely, using it as a tool to be a better man, but I don 8767 t want to be his first. To tell you the truth, even though she was an amazing woman, the Tales of Yore started to bore me. I told him 8766 friends only 8767 and he 8767 s fine with that. Let someone else comfort him. Never again.
6. On a night out with him a mate of his we came out of a bar to be passed by a group of girls, one of whom was dressed in hot pants and had VERY long legs. He remarked openly and lewdly, to his mate, as though I didn 8767 t exist. When I expressed how innappropriate I thought it was, he said, 8775 oh don 8767 t be stupid, with legs like that you want to get looked at let 8767 s follow her 8776 . His mate showed more concern for his feelings than me. However,his mate was all over me that night, and at the end of the night (when much drinking he had been done), he suggested a threesome. My EUM would NOT have turned it down I did.
I dated in NYC stockbrokers, actors, artists, company men, producers, activists, men, like me discovering themselves and men older than me who were more established in every respect. Those who went beyond the first initial dates were not jerks. At least not overly and I will maintain most of them were actually pretty good guys in all respects. They made time, they initiated contact, they took me out (and not all had the financial ability to wine & dine me which isn 8767 t my standard of successful dating anyway), but they made an effort and asked questions and seemed fairly healthy emotionally and mentally.
Like it or not, men in many respects set the tone for all interactions and if we women continue to buffer, excuse, rationalize, tolerate the unacceptable then men will not roll their craptastic behavior back. It will progress. It will carry on for our daughters if it is already (I believe it may be) for the rest of us. We may be victims of a social decay and perversion infiltrating ourselves with every new gadget, technological shift, online access to dating, porn and all sorts of social connections conflating the real issue at hand. Men don’t care (by and large). When they don’t care they treat everything except themselves (but long-term themselves included) with a laissez-faire attitude. We can either choose to be mules or more.
Now if I can see all these wonderful attributes and feel sick to my core about the age gulf, don 8767 t sell me a bill of goods about how I am EUM. Bullshit! I know good from bad. What has happened to my judgment over the past few years is that bad becomes relative. I might have suffered learned helplessness along the way. But I am not seeking it out. It is unfortunately, how men are and those who are not either belong to my father 8767 s generation (and he cannot wrap his head around the dating mores of today anymore than I can) or they are so few and far between, sadly, most of us will not meet them and isn 8767 t because we are toxic little cesspools walking about attracting bad energy. It 8767 s what 8767 s out there in large supply.
Why should they? Women are meal tickets (they now want to date/marry up) and a blow up doll. Until we women wise up and frankly accept the majority (not all but majority rules) of men are twisted, perverted, parasitic juvenile delinquents and stop making, accepting or even entertaining their sorry ass excuses, only then we 8767 ll see a turn in the tide. Desperate women will accept the unacceptable, the intolerable and the nere do wells in the hopes of rescuing, saving and fixing these boys into men keep doing ourselves and society a disservice.
I remember being in ACs office once when his wife called apparently she was checking that he was leaving on time for them to go to a show. I could tell she was scolding from his “Ok..Okaa…aay…!.I’m leaving…!”…but he wasn’t angry or irritated…it was like a little boy being told to put down the toys and get ready for dinner. And AC told me a childhood anecdote where he begged a friend to lie and take the blame for something AC had done because ACs mother was on the warpath for his behind…and he was trying to appease her…..it was a happy memory for him…we’re not talking child abuse.
I just want to say that I had no problem with MRWriter so eloquently expressing herself in her comments. In fact, I found her raw honesty and vulnerability touching. I hope that she continues commenting here and sharing her thoughts. I understand a lot of her frustrations, though I look at them from a slightly different perspective and haven 8767 t come to the same conclusions that she has. Still, I am grateful that there is a space here on BR where women AND men can come when they 8767 re feeling vulnerable and express their thoughts and receive a fresh perspective from others, one that may bolster them even for just another day.
I hate to say it but now I am highly suspicious of the divorced/separated man. My feeling is if he was so much a prize and a good man to start with he wouldn 8767 t be divorced (most likely) and hence unavailable in the dating pool. Had my Assclown/Narc/Eum/Separated pond scum been a real treasure, a real prince, he would be living with his wife and the mother of his 8775 prized 8776 son, contributing and supporting her as she did financially and culinary speaking.
I think the article overly presumptuous and unfair. I 8767 ve been separated for years and have been dating from very beginning and can honestly say I haven 8767 t had emotional ties to my ex at all during the entire time. Yes, we were/are involved in a legal proceeding but other people are involved in bankruptcies and child support actions and foreclosures and corporate takeovers and will probates, etc. That doesn 8767 t make a person undatable. It 8767 s just part of life.