Posted: 2017-11-24 20:37
I went out to a dance club with my sister last Friday. Within 8-5 minutes of entering the place, a man came up to me and asked me to dance. He wasn 8767 t my type, but I was impressed by his confidence to approach me directly and honestly. I agreed to dance with him. We danced for the duration of 7 songs, but I knew that I wanted to extricate myself from the situation after that. After the 7nd song ended, I said 8775 Thanks for the dance. It was nice meeting you. I 8767 m going to dance with my sister now. Is that okay? 8776 . He said yes, and he walked away. I wanted to get out of the situation for 7 reasons.
I really don 8767 t enforce a lot of restrictions on discussion topics in class and try to make it a judgment-free zone as much as possible. I 8767 d rather people, male and female, be honest about their strategic goals, but doing this can sometimes lead to free use of the same terminology in the classroom that they use outside of it. That 8767 s fine with me. I suppose that I do probably fall into the same category as the mom who told me about PILFs, as I enjoy being thought of as a relatively cool prof.
Also, if her personality and looks or sexiness are not enough to attract a guy without fucking him immediately, so much the better, right? That is, if she 8767 s looking for a LTR. If I 8767 m in a sales situation, I give the prospect as many reasons as I can to say no to me, as quickly as possible. I want them to articulate the reasons for buying my stuff, which trains them to think the way I would like, and I don 8767 t want to waste time if they cannot.
As it pertains to your weight, I like the fact that you 8767 re making lifestyle changes because they 8767 re value added to your life, and not to 8766 hook a man. 8767 I believe that we are most attractive when we feel like we 8767 re at our best, regardless of what that looks like. I 8767 m a pretty big dude, and I 8767 m still working with my weight, but I have found that the self-motivation is far more important than any extraneous compulsion. I 8767 m glad you found it sooner rather than later. I wish you all the best in that effort.
And J., are you capable of commenting on anything without getting on your superior morality high horse? Why do you think other people benefit from your incessant evaluations? Mystifies me. Also, my daughter works at Coach, so I’m REALLY REALLY OFFENDED AND OUTRAGED by your comments. (See how boring incessant manufactured moralizing gets?) The stuff I buy from Coach is better made than my clothing from Paul Stuart
Yeah, it 8767 s out of a paternal instinct. It 8767 s very easy to see very nice people making the same mistakes over and over, and even easier to realize they 8767 re the same mistakes you made, maybe by a different name. (Plus ça change, plus c 8767 est la même chose.) It 8767 s human nature to want to bang heads and say 8775 Don 8767 t DO that! 8776 and when they ask why, to answer 8775 Because I said so! 8776
First I 8767 d like to acknowledge, from one big girl to another, how brave you are in making yourself vulnerable to write this. Thank you! Your stories truly felt like you were talking about me. Being big and dating is hard especially for me! I can 8767 t speak for all big girls but I 8767 m an extremely confident, independent, and incredibly charasmatic woman who knows exactly what I want. Im looking for a partner, not just some guy a skinny girl doesnt want. I dont have time to waste on men who think I 8767 ll be their unopinionated baby maker or a sexual version of their mama. This ain 8767 t that! I 8767 m also working on my health, but losing weight to be thin feels like I 8767 m giving into the oppressive forces that dictate what my body should look like. Ugh! Thanks for this, I feel less alone in the struggle 🙂
J, no. However come to think about it, he could also be the IRT (Indian Race Troll), but his style and topics of writing are very, very different, so I highly doubt it. IRT 8767 s only concern was how supposedly all Indian dudes never get laid anywhere. Which is false. The unattractive and weird ones (and there are plenty of those) are the ones that don 8767 t get attention from females. But the hot ones do. I know first hand.
It 8767 s a deeper love now, after nearly 65 years. We are best friends and the sex is always good. I know he loves me. He has admitted he has never done more for a woman in his entire life and that he really loves me. We were together for an entire year this time with out him freaking out, and now he has broken up with me again. Same reason as always. I know he 8767 ll come back again, and although I love him, I don 8767 t know if he 8767 ll ever get past this Walt Disney fantasy about what love really is. What should I do?
Lainie, getting a little tired of it all
First online dating YES, I was thinking the exact same thing! My friend recently joined eHarmony and I was helping her look through matches, and I noticed the same exact thing. Guys saying, albeit in nicer words, 8775 no fat chicks. 8776 Although online dating offers the opportunity to avoid guys that don 8767 t share your fundamental values, while seeing my friend 8767 s matches, I couldn 8767 t help but feel reaffirmed in my thoughts that men honestly don 8767 t want to date fat women.
Hypothetically speaking, if I frequented any rational blog and expressed disdain for factual knowledge, I 8767 d deserve zero credibility. If I frequented any female-oriented blog and expressed contempt for that half of the human race, I 8767 d expect a severe sanctioning. And if I frequented any blog (period) and disparaged the host personally, I 8767 d literally be asking to get the boot. Doubly so if I did all that without an ounce of remorse.
Well, if some of what Martha brought up resonated with you, raise your hand. See? Lots of raised hands out there. Which brings me to the topic I want to talk about today: self-compassion. Prof Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin is the pioneering researcher of self-compassion. Here 8767 s her definition: 8775 Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings. After all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? 8776 She says it comprises three elements, which I quote from Dr Neff 8767 s excellent, resource-rich website :
If you 8767 re gonna draw dudes only when you 8767 re skinny that 8767 s pressure you 8767 re putting on yourself to make someone love you and, reaffirming the fatness = lovelessness equation. I think it comes down to the woman 8767 s personality/self-confidence, and what kind of man she 8767 s trying to get. I absolutely agree with the 8775 stable, safe, comforting 8776 big woman symbol, it 8767 s almost motherly. The slim and the active woman I guess represents action, excitement, change, mobility, daringness. Guys love that kind of thing. The conventional guy, anyway.
About 67 years ago during my junior year of college, a bunch of girls and guys were talking about 8775 types. 8776 Now that I think about it, only the ladies were being typed and not the men. Dude calls girl one the cute and sassy type. She is 9 8767 66 and 98 lbs. The next woman, 5 8767 9 8798 and a brickhouse, was labeled the sexpot, vixen type. I, 5 8767 7 8798 and more Mo 8767 Nique than Amber Rose, was labeled the earth mother. The strong, stable, mammy figure that the author so brilliantly describes.
Wow! That seems early! Was this his first word?
I started talking at seven months so he is beating me by a few weeks, I actually expected it so for me is not that early. I think is his first word he has been doing the BA, DA, MA, sounds for a while and doing protowords with it. But the MAMA started a few days ago I tested him (I pretended I wasn 8767 t looking at him when he woke up from a nap, I usually always pick him up right away) to see if he will use it to call me for real and it was not random babbling and he did! So I got an early present for my first mother 8767 s day 🙂
You know, Jonathon? Buzz off. I like to take women out for dinner, because I like the conversation, food and color. I like to see people I work with or know from the media in the same space. It reminds me of when I was happily married and we had our own table at our favorite restaurant. The anti-dinner Game prejudice is fine, but the people who wrote the rules of game are likely suicides, overt Christian converts, or hospital patients with bizarre STD portfolios.
The kicker is that this guy was legitimately 55-65 years old. My first thought was why would a man that old still be trolling dance clubs. My second thought was why did he think someone like me would appreciate being groped like that.
I know a woman that got married to a guy 85 some years her senior after he stalked relentlessly. It does happen but in general most women are EWWWW about it.
I agree with everything you wrote but the quest to lose weight is fraught with many many pitfalls. For instance, let’s say you lose the weight meet someone, fall in love, then get married and have children? That’s when you’ll find out what\’s real because most people gain baby weight. What makes this difficult is that you may also be expected to lose the lbs just as quickly as many of the celebrities we see who have children and then are “magically” thin again. I won’t even mention getting older when your metabolism slows down and you have to eat even less to maintain your weight loss goals. Losing weight is not just for the moment… It’s forever.
I see a difficulty for women with the dtr talk that you are advocating. It will force a woman to confront head on her long-term SMV. In essence, women are screening out players/puas/cads/etc. OK, but that means that they are then going to screen out ALOT of men AND many if not all of the better looking men and the more 8775 alpha 8776 men. And by alpha I mean those men that have both charisma and the psychological dominance attributes that women love, especially in the short term.
thank you for sharing. my girl and i were recently discussing dating, men and feelings of being feminist 8775 imposters 8776 because of our preferences and choices when it comes to our partners. although we are aware of the inequalities and systems that structure desire, as you pointed out, we also have to live in the world (that we have become some well at deconstructing) and find happiness, as one defines it. as a black female doctoral student, and oneday professor, i understand this struggle that you speak of in the post although my particular struggle with dating has been different from the one you have shared. i support you in your decision and i wholly agree that Demetria Lucas is fab!