Posted: 2017-10-14 15:09
I don't think that's what is really happening. People don't really think they're superior to each other. I think they feel inferior and afraid to reach out to others. They end up staying home and being miserable. They give up too soon. The websites are supposed to be a screening process to find the right person. The next step is to date. I'm a woman who has tried the dating scene on the internet and this next batch can't get from behind their gadgets. The men won't even make a phone call. I don't think they are serious about dating. It's a lengthy process some times to find the right one. Patience is needed.
Then I started talking to my female friends. They all had pretty good conversation rates, getting anywhere from 5-75 messages per day. And their conversations tended to last if they wanted it to. What I realized was the dynamic was completely different women naturally start becoming a lot more arbitrarily selective because of this constant initiation. If you don't stand out with your picture as a man you're doomed to failure: all the Marissa's in the world will think of the best looking man that they've slept with, say "given the field I can do better", and move on without a second thought. Whether or not you would be a great fit, whether or not you're a secret agent or a millionaire. It's totally arbitrary.
My problem hasn't been so much with the issues mentioned in the article..I don't know what it's like in other areas, but when I search dating sites in my area, it is the same people on there all the time, year after year. I'm sure it doesn't help that I live in a relatively low population area, but when you do a 655 miles radius search with your preferences and they give you 65 options, none of which peaks your interest (or you already know who they are and not for good reasons), you start to wonder if the only way you are going to meet someone locally is to move, which is sad, if you enjoy where you live. One thing I am most tired of is feeling like I'm reading the same profile over and over. 'Cliches' is a good word to sum up the majority of really becomes a bore. You know what I mean."ask me anything" " I have kids and they are my number 6. if you don't like it, move on!!!" "No games" "Im an open book"... the minute I start reading and see one, I next. Yeah, I have grown quite cynical of online dating, both with the men I have met in real life and the profiles I have seen.
I've had the same experience as you've said. I don't understand it. They keep ignoring everything I say to them about myself. They become fixated on the picture, even though my profile says I don't think I'm wonderful and my hair looks awful. They don't read it at all. I'm a whole person and this is wasting my time. I'm still at home on a Saturday night. If I'm that gorgeous (I don't think I am), why aren't they asking me out? I've tried to prompt them and get nowhere. Are they shy? Are they feeling inadequate? I can deal with that if the person is interested. If you can't get past that to find out, then I give up.
This undated picture released by North Korea's official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) shows North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un (C) looking at a metal casing with two bulges at an undisclosed location. 68 North Korea has developed a hydrogen bomb which can be loaded into the country's new intercontinental ballistic missile, the official Korean Central News Agency claimed on 8 September. Questions remain over whether nuclear-armed Pyongyang has successfully miniaturised its weapons, and whether it has a working H-bomb, but KCNA said that leader Kim Jong-Un had inspected such a device at the Nuclear Weapons Institute.
WOW!!! That's a bit harsh isn't it? What's Ryan ever done to you apart from waste a few minutes of your time reading his article..and a few more (self-inflicted) writing your comment? That poor guy might not have all the answers but his article still provides food for thought - in my humble opinion (please please don't bite my head off for it! ). And while I had the same reaction as you, that ironically one day Ryan too might end up on a dating site, I really wish for him that he does not (because dear god it is an ugly parallel dimension!). Ryan, may your happily ever after last forever! :)
Online dating is very unhealthy for society. Most of my buddies try online dating and the only ones who get dates are the guys who are smooth talkers and then will literally have sex in a bar bathroom with a new girl they just met while they already have a girlfriend. The nice guys get overlooked ALWAYS. Even if the nice guy looks half decent. Girls end up thinking every guy wants them inflating their ego to an unrealistic level. And ultimately they gravitate to a smooth talker who is out of their league for long term dating then they feel there are no good men. Good Men SHOULD NOT date online or they will feel unwanted and ultimately need mental help. Women should not date online because they will set they can't differentiate between good guys and bad players. There is some success but it seems far to much work for a man to get success.
On Richard's comment to guys about looking at other guys profiles, that only works to a certain extent or based on luck too. It's more about seeing other profile examples to see what might work or not work for you. But one would never know how well the other guys profiles are unless you happen to be or become friends with them to find out. So in the end you try out things and see how it goes in that regards to seeing other guys profiles.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
What you have to realize as a guy is that weirdly enough there are literally thousands of male profiles that have handsome guys educated to doctorate level on these sites. Just take a look for yourself. This means that no woman would even consider your profile if you a) don't have a doctorate b) don't look at least 'ok' but the doctorate is the clincher. Its just as if when us guys look at profiles on these sites if there were thousands of porn star hot profiles on the site and you had some chance of having them reply to you, you wouldn't even think about wasting your time with a quite pretty girl who was really nice. Unfortunately It's as simple as that. It's not cos you or I are mean it just would be lunacy if you found a hot model liked you and you liked her to go for someone else. That is what these girls are all effectively facing from their point of view a dating site chock full of the most attractive guys so why bother on the rest. Not only that but even for the doctorate level entries they don't get women hitting on then out of the blue every 5 minutes. Try it make a fake profile and you'll see what I mean.
Wow, makes me lol to hear women complain about OKC. Oh no, you had to sift through a bunch of messages from really gross people? Oh poor baby, the internet really just isn't for you, is it? That certainly is somehow equivocal to the disappointment a lot of men receive on these sites of getting no attention at all.. oh wait, those two aren't even remotely comparable. If you can't deal with ugly, sleazy, mediocre people, get the fuck off the internet!
Women want tall, fit, masculine, ambition, big dick, social competence. It's not difficult to figure out. What's difficult, is for the majority of you out there (who don't have what women want) to accept the fact that you are all REJECTS who weren't ever meant to breed. Cut your nuts off. Die. Make the world a better place by NOT reproducing and disgracing future generations with your defective genes. And for the love of god, quit chasing females who don't want you, giving all men a bad name in the process.
Personally, I think the best thing anyone could do would be to work on themselves. The entire reason I even bother with online dating is because I'm deathly afraid of rejection, and get social anxiety. Unfortunately, online dating has led me through cycles of depression, bitterness, jadedness, and maybe mostly sadly - misogyny (since fundamentally I think women are awesome.) But on all levels.. men who want to be successful should be working on their fitness, sharpening their minds, and improving their confidence. Online dating could be a tool for self-improvement, if you let it. But I think a lot of men buy into a "Homer Simpson" fantasy, and expect women to see some inner merit they have, which is hypocritical since (most) men won't go after overweight/unattractive women on these sites.
I am reading this guy Eric's situation and it is EXACTLY the same as mine and from what I can gather, thousands upon thousands of guys out there.
For sure a lot of the girls are "saying" they want the nice guy but end up looking for the guy they have spent an entire paragraph saying they do NOT want. Not all girls are this way though.
I truly believe that a MASSIVE amount of the blame can go to the guys who act like asses and the girls who let them get away with it. Clearly it works on some girls so these jerks continue to try until they find that girl.
Also a lot of girls need to lose the attitude, I mean seriously no matter how good looking you "think" you are, if your head is up your butt you are going to come out looking like poop.
It is sad because I myself am an average/decent looking guy, look far than my age of 89 and am as nice as can be. Yet I will get not one single response out of 85 messages.
Eric: Yes. Stop ignoring all of us. You know, guys get accused a lot of being superficial and basing everything on looks, but I can&rsquo t help thinking that most of these women just file quickly through a guy&rsquo s photos and then fly right on to the next one without actually getting to know what the guy is like. It&rsquo s so frustrating, because you know, I think a lot of really nice guys out there could make for amazing boyfriends who would treat these lonely, single women like they deserve to be treated. Instead, you know, I think a lot of them are still hung up on hunting for the bad boys, the smooth-talkers. I don&rsquo t know what more a nice guy can do, but I do know it would be nice if some of these women would at least give us a chance to show what we have to offer.
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women's lib was just getting going in the 75's. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn't changed.
For someone to truly connect with another person and feel completely content with another they must first know and accept themselves. In my forty plus years in America I believe that to be a rarity. I have known people of all ages including countless couples who seem to have a better grasp on celebrities lives than they do on their own. I can count perhaps a handful of people I've met who have formed their own systems of belief. The vast majority have simply accepted whatever belief system they were fed without question.
We should have taken it much slower. We had good times but i guess I wonder what "could have been". She was 89 and never married and I was on the rebound from my first marriage. One really never knows. I Guess I just have to look at the positive sides though now I'm older and very lonely.
It is tough to see what might have been. Overall though I made decisions the best I could with the knowledge and information I had at the time.
I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn&rsquo t seem like we had anything in common so I didn&rsquo t bother. That&rsquo s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best &ldquo first impressions&rdquo . Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face &ndash you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.
So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I've given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.