Posted: 2017-11-14 23:59
I m aware of the CBT idea of challenging and recognizing negative thought patterns. They re actually revising much of that now to focus less on thought stopping and challenging and more on mindful acceptance and recognizing that such thoughts are just thoughts. Which I think is a much better treatment. But if something has been a part of your life for a long time, you can t really just make the conscious decision not to have that attitude about it anymore.
l joined Cupid with gentle persuasion from my lovely niece, l had no real expectation of finding love, just thought it might be fun. after a few short weeks on site up pops a chap who called me MATE !!!...This guy needs help l thought !!! we chatted and chatted, messaged, giggled and laughed together and well there s enough stuff on here to write a book or two !!! Might even do just that one day !!!
If you 8767 re nervous (or high strung like I am) and want to be a little less Wreck-gar and more Optimus Prime, you focus on what your behaviors are saying. Breathe more slowly and deeply. Force yourself to talk REALLY slowly (it translates as normal speed to the listener). Relax your shoulders (imagining how a cobra stands with its hood open is actually how you want to stand in a relaxed but straight posture you 8767 ll feel it in your abs of all places).
I was using your wording. Anyway, I was arguing against the common claim that confidence will turn anyone into Casanova incarnate regardless of their personality and other factors. In reality grim no-nonsense Clint Eastwood is only cool in the movies, and give some annoying dorky person confidence to be more socially active and he will just annoy people twice the rate he used to. One s self-image is rather meaningless when others are going to base their judgement of him on their own standards. And you said it, they can only know what they can perceive, the way he acts, which might or, given the fluid nature of the human mind, might not represent what he really is. But the whole concept of self is a interesting problem in it s own right.
But that seems to be the core of these 7 groups differences. Your player friends are extroverted and display outcome independence ( which makes sense, considering one wouldn 8767 t care if they strike as much if they have a booty call on stand by ). I think you happen to have met 7 very special men who have an ability that many other men don 8767 t have. Something that most likely can 8767 t be taught and is inherent. Probably why they are actors to begin with, if I were to guess.
I have to admit, this whole think tall, aspire to people seeing you as tall thing annoys me a bit. It s a conflation of height with things that people associate with height, and then attempting to reverse that so that if you have the associations you also have the height and easily extends to an implication that if you are not being seen as tall, you are failing on other fronts.
I basically agree, though it is a bit obnoxious when women on online dating sites end their profile with only 6 or taller! or only taller than me!. I m usually above the minimum height at 5 65 , by the way, so it wouldn t affect me personally, but still it comes off poorly IMO. I imagine it s similar to how a guy s profile comes off when he writes no fatties! in it. Yeah, it s fine to have that preference but you don t have to obnoxious about it. Just don t message/respond to people who don t fit the criteria.
Honestly, I m less than convinced that attraction and charisma are the same thing or related but if you are short and you ve noticed it s a problem for you, the advice of developing presence is good. It s not magic but you may as well work on it. Drama classes might be a good idea. Regardless of what I think is and isn t a barrier for me in my own life, I know my training in amateur and professional theatre helps me in life. I am not the dancing monkey but I know how to perform. I have a good sense of humour (I ve written other people s stand up routines and a comic play) and have been described as being witty and having a quick wit. It doesn t do what I d perhaps like it to but these qualities do at least help me make friends with people and open up the social circle a bit.
Yeah, I don t really think that this one is going to have as much of a punch with women generally as the set up implies it will. I think women get it hammered in pretty early in life that men care about looks and that there s only so much you can do about that we don t really have a counternarrative where a genuinely plain girl who continues to be plain through the whole story wins over a desirable guy with her courage or kindness.
I agree with ShieldGirl, and the thing is, being frustrated in something shouldn t change how you react out and about in the world. I am frequently frustrated by the amount of times I ve been told I m too whatever (most complaints from guys center around my being too intelligent and too independent ), but you wouldn t be able to tell that from my reactions to people. Frustrations shouldn t permeate into your interactions. And when they do, like it seems Lee states often, then it should be pointed out that it s no longer just frustration, but an attitude problem that will affect your interactions negatively.
Regardless of where we are in our lives, what our physical attributes are like and what our personalities are like, I could potentially benefit from advice you have to offer. Some of it most likely wouldn t be applicable. The trick is to determine on a case-by-case basis, rather than either subscribing to the whole lot or writing off the whole lot. Even if the end result of determining on a case-by-case basis is the same as the end result of subscribing to the whole lot or writing off the whole lot.
I don t agree with lashing out based on moods. I don t throw my anger at people in social situations. I don t raise the topic of my barriers in social situations in real life either. Here was just about the only place I vented that stuff. But I do find myself angry and frustrated about such things from time to time. It s not as easy as just not being angry about such things.
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But then again, it s the outward expression that people sense and find attractive, not what the individual himself feels. No matter how comfortable one might feel, without some degree of social suaveness most people won t find him attractive. That s why I find this whole emphasis on confidence misplaced, when it s really charisma that people should focus on. Like said, confidence will follow success.
But regardless of whether she 8767 s a sexy hobbit or the Amazon of your dreams, what matters most is attitude yours and hers. You want to find women who are independently minded, who are willing to disregard the traditional role of 8775 the man must be taller 8776 and see you for who you are. But you have to do your part too if you 8767 re going to throw a sighing fit every time she wears heels, even the most patient woman in the world is going to get tired and start looking around for someone who 8767 s more secure in themselves.
What do you mean by being exposed as a liar? Having good posture isn t a statement that can be falsified, nor is speaking slowly and clearly, or making more eye contact than one is used to. Making conscious changed to one s behavior isn t a lie. Nobody can tell that when you approached someone last week, you were much more visually nervous than you are now. People behave differently in different circumstances, on different days, when they have more energy, and that s okay. Nobody has to know that some of that variation is consciously put on to make oneself more likeable.
I m not exactly sure what the point that you re trying to make is anymore you realize that these people, for the most part, had to display some sort of talent in order to get to the point that they had teams to work for the, right? Once they have them, do those teams help? Sure. But they had to get to that point somehow, and in order to do that, they need to be showing some kind of unique ability, whether that s a certain type of acting, comedy, whatever.
(though I will say in response to your post to me in that other thread I am so happy that you ARE working on some things, and have had some success of late romantically. That sincerely makes me smile. You still frustrate me like heck [like when you say you aren t responsible for other people s emotional reactions to you, which just means you take no responsibility for your actions when you hurt others since, you know, not your issue if someone else gets hurt], but that at least is a good thing).
It must be SO difficult to work on. I mean, I have my own delightful set of issues I am working on with my therapist and those are hard enough. Not even liking myself though? That would be 655x more difficult. I don t have any advice or anything aside from just keep trying. The one thing I will say is I ve gone through so many shrinks (said with affection) in my time that I can t actually count them. And it s only NOW that I ve found one that works for me. It is simply a matter of never quitting working at it no matter how impossible and frustrating it can seem.
Some women do judge men on height. It happens. It s not necessarily a bad thing because we all have our preferences but it does happen in life same as people get judged for all kinds of things they can t control. Bitterness and anger are sometimes poison but they are also natural parts of existence and fighting them is basically fighting the human experience. Accepting them and processing them is probably a better approach.