Posted: 2017-10-29 10:06
What I said is 655% right according to modern science. You can try and knit-pick it all you want, but sex is defined and determined by sex chromosomes. End of story. Sex may initially be labeled at birth using the appearance of the genitals, but the appearance of the genitals absolutely DO NOT determine sex. I do not understand why you are having so much difficulty grasping such a simple concept.
Both queer and straight people who refuse to date trans people rely upon the argument that everyone is allowed to prefer certain sets of genitalia. Sure, everyone is entitled to sexual preference, but it’s reckless to categorically dismiss all trans women under this premise. As a society, we should all urge each other to consider why these preferences exist, particularly with regard to trans people.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that straight men are going to know you are a man and not a woman, unless you lie to their faces about it, as many transgenders do. Wearing a woman 8767 s identity as a piece of clothing and saying that you are a woman is a shallow perception of what womanhood is. You don 8767 t have a vagina I 8767 m not even sure if you removed your penis. A vaginoplasty is not the real thing and you will not have the same chemical bonds with a male as a real female does. What you are is a gay man that dresses up as a woman because being openly gay is disgusting to you.
Though we had a ton of chemistry, he couldn’t understand the ways in which he constantly invalidated my identity. And, to be clear, I don’t need constant validation of my womanhood, but I do need respect — which J wasn't prepared to give. He made jokes about me and how I “used to be a man,” criticized my writing and activism, and even — the grand offense — used my birth name during arguments. It all got to be too much for me.
You have no idea how often I get comments like that as a transgender girl! The worst is when a gay guy comes onto you because he thinks of you as a boy (no, seriously, I 8767 ve had that, more than once). I 8776 m actually bisexual, but I DO NOT care to be treated for the gender people think I am, I, and every other transgender and cisgender person out there, should be treated as the gender they truly are!
Not really, although that s a very common way of thinking about identity. People may biologically be male, female, or intersex. Gender can vary a bit. There re plenty of people that identify with masculinity or femininity. Others feel most comfortable thinking about gender as more flexible or in non-binary terms. If you re interested in learning more about different gender identities, I suggest looking into what genderqueer means. Some people strongly identify with a specific gender identity while others view gender as fluid.
If you find a man who is waiting until marriage, most likely it would be for religious reasons, so to him you would be a spiritual 8775 NO! 8776 8775 NO! 8776 . I 8767 m not sure how you look, most transgenders can 8767 t pass for women in my opinion, but if you can, then I think it would be best if you don 8767 t tell a guy you were once a man, if you need to know why go back and re-read what Karmic said in # 7.
But maybe thats a plus, I mean as long as you both are clean, you won t ever need to use condoms. Just make sure you both take the time to get yourselves checked over before going at it like rabbits, and use condoms before that. And some STDs can effect even virgins (I mean, hell, guys and gals can both get yeast infections, you don t want to pass that one, and it only takes a couple of weeks to get rid of, be safe!)
I agree Evan. Saving yourself for marriage needs to be a separate discussion from being a transwoman. As a transwoman myself in the dating arena I was startled to find out how many 8775 straight 8776 men wanted me. I assume though that both naturally born women and transwomen experience the same treatment from most men, from the discussions I have with my girlfriends. Personally I would be thrilled just to have a husband instead of boyfriends that for whatever reason have an internal fear of being gay and family finding out regardless that I pass extremely well.
So when a cis person argues that a trans person has an obligation to come out to someone before dating them, they are saying trans people have an obligation to accommodate their transphobia. Plus, claiming that trans people are obligated to come out reinforces the idea that not being attracted to trans people is reasonable. But as I've pointed out, not being attracted to trans people supports the idea that transness is disgusting which is the basis for transphobic oppression.
The justification of transphobic oppression is often that transness is inherently disgusting. For example, the "trans panic" defense still exists to this day. This defense involves the defendant asking for a lesser sentence after killing a trans person because they contend that when they found out the victim was trans, they freaked out and couldn't control themselves. This defense is still legal in every state but California.
Some girls will not have a supportive family, but will hope to create a loving family one day and want to talk about that. Others may have a very liberal background and be excited to share stories about her people with you. It 8767 s a touchy subject sometimes, but at least the topic is genuine, it has nothing to do with sex or gender. These are the questions that will actually help you get to know someone at their core, and it shows that you are actually interested.
Having to constantly define and explain myself is both exhausting and unfair. I feel like I have to share my entire life story early on — a situation in dating that we’re often told to avoid at the risk of being too overwhelming. After a number of dates and situations not too unlike the interaction with the MMA fighter, I had to take a serious look at the risk involved with not disclosing my trans status. I found early disclosure necessary because we live in a world where trans panic is still justification for devaluing and even harming trans women.
Ignore that for a second so I can give you an equally glaring but sadder and more uncomfortable reason (disclaimer: I am not transsexual but I have friends who are):
I 8767 ve noticed that people who date trans people are almost always fetishists. They don 8767 t date them because 8775 Oh, here 8767 s an attractive human being who has XYZ qualities that I admire or can relate to. 8776 They date them because 8775 Hey now, here 8767 s this exotic toy. 8776
And not to cause mass trans hysteria, but for anyone who might have thought otherwise: Trans people can go anywhere a cis person can go. We’re everywhere. That trans person you just met, who you might be attracted to, probably has a rich and interesting story, as well as a unique and enlightening view of the world. They’ve probably trekked through an intense journey of self-discovery that shouldn’t be downplayed or outright dismissed.
How are your dating lives? Any single transgender women out there? Not too many, eh? Well, I 8767 ll attest to that being the reason I keep running into the same type of guy. He 8767 s Mr. Uninformed, Mr. Inexperienced, and he has a million questions, none of which have anything to do with who you are, but 8775 what 8776 you are. And it 8767 s not that these men don 8767 t mean well, it 8767 s just that they 8767 re hurting their chances by remaining ignorant to a person that they 8767 re clearly attracted to.
Like with this one guy — we’ll call him J. He was very much interested in me, but it took a few months for him to admit the full extent. He was pretty homophobic and transphobic when I originally met him, which he attributed to his upbringing. He was a black guy, of Jamaican descent, and he often explained that coming from a single-mother household put more pressure on him to be a certain kind of man.
Conditional passing privilege has typically played in my favor. Living up to conventional cisnormative beauty standards has given me more social access to potential partners than many other trans people have had. There are definitely guys who encounter me who express at least being open to talking to me further. They'll say, “Wow, you don’t look like any trans woman I’ve ever seen” or “Well, you’re still pretty, though.” I’d be lying if I didn't admit that, on some level, these comments make me feel good — but when I think about the narrow box I have to crouch inside in order to be desired and loved, it doesn’t make me feel good at all.
Wow, talking about difficulties in dating! Evan is right dating is always a numbers game , and the more very specific requirements you have, the smaller are your numbers. 8775 Waiting until marriage 8776 implies spirituality and often religion, and at the very least, the conservative approach. Marrying a transgender requires the opposite of being conservative. And all of that on top of choosing a good quality partner (in terms of character, values, ethics and morals) You might be wishing for impossible
Ok, im gonna say it any how. It is HORRIBLE what that guy did no doubt. But in sayin that I think that transgender women need to be honest about how they were born. I have noticed that alot of transgendered women dont want a gay or bisexual man, they dont go to gay clubs. They want a regular guy. They try to go to regular straight bars, not gay bars to get dudes. Its like the seem really thrilled by the fact that they can attract straight men.