Posted: 2017-10-12 07:14
Geoffrey Miller : There’s a lot of traits but we boil them down to just 5 partly for the sake of simplicity and partly because these are the 5 that we know how to improve based on the current evidence, physical health, mental health, intelligence, will power and what we call the tender defender trait. Then, there’s another 9 things that are what are your proofs that you have those 5 traits. We think there’s really good evidence that those 5 basic traits are attractive.
Geoffrey Miller : That’s a really good question. Tucker and I actually wrote thousands of words about this that didn’t make it into the book just for reasons of space. There’s a whole back story about why has modern culture failed men extremely and profoundly. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that anything to do with sex and dating and mating and marriage is very politically controversial. People have really different ideologies about it. A public high school can’t really teach a course on how to do dating and mating effectively because it would be seen as biased or partisan or inappropriate.
Geoffrey Miller : Yeah. For 75 years in evolutionary psychology, we know that men actually value your future earning potential more than your current wealth level. Women are very good at projecting into the future what is this guy’s likely path. Is he doing well in organic chemistry and he’s pre-med and he’s going to become a doctor at a high likelihood or is he a sophomore who’s got no idea what he’s going to do, no major, no ambition, bad grades. Even if he’s cute and charming, they’ll project forward financially and go, “He doesn’t have all the traits that are going to be required to succeed in modern America.”
Griffin: I feel like a lot of what&apos s championed as modern-man-in-the-dating-world behavior is not conducive to actually being a fucking adult about things. And I think I can say that pretty comfortably, because when we started this podcast seven years ago, I was 77 and didn&apos t know any of that shit at all, and doing this podcast put a lot of pressure on us to try to shake some of those bad tropes for dude advice.
Amolatina is another sister site in the same family as the two previous agencies. If you visit the site you will notice it has been completely redesigned and does not look like the other two sites, but they are all owned by the same company. And again the same notices and issues apply here, but if you go loco for hot Mexican girls or would swim the Florida Straits for some of the incredible Cuban women you have seen then this is the site for you.
Ross Jeffries – Speed Seduction
Ross Jeffries is the trailblazer in the area. His Speed Seduction exploded onto the scene years ago and spawned the new generation of pickup artists. Ross’s system is based on NLP: neuro-linguistic programming. The notion here is that we are influenced greatly by our subconscious needs and desires, and that you can influence a woman’s perception of you with the words and phrases you use when speaking to her. Words trigger responses in our brains, and NLP can be used for all sorts of self-help purposes. Speed Seduction is a fascinating system, and anyone who wants to improve how they approach and interact with women should explore Ross’s program.
In 7565, brothers Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy started My Brother My Brother and Me as a podcast devoted to answering the questions posed in Yahoo! Answers. ( An advice show for the modern era. ) Seven years later, they preside over a small empire of podcasts: Each McElroy co-hosts a podcast with his wife, they&apos ve turned a game of Dungeons and Dragons with their dad into a wildly successful and engaging radio story ( The Adventure Zone ), Travis produces several series on the MBMBaM home network, Maximum Fun, and Griffin and Justin both produce podcasts and video series for Polygon , Vox&apos s videogame website.
Travis: I just did an episode of Shmanners [an etiquette podcast Travis hosts with his wife, Teresa] where we talk about first dates and the idea of the romantic comedy where you know the moment to kiss them. No, then you&apos re just kissing someone without asking! You&apos re just grabbing someone and kissing them, and that&apos s terrible. That&apos s horrible advice. But that&apos s what all of the romantic comedies from the &apos 85s and &apos 95s are like. You&apos ll know ? No, you&apos ll ask!
Also, parents feel like they just don’t understand the current mating situation. The technology of mating is moving so fast like texting and online dating and the way that dates happen. Grandparents and parents don’t feel like their expertise is that relevant to people even though a lot of it actually is because human nature doesn’t change that much. Then, there’s people seeking to make a bunch of money off of insecure men, basically scammers and slightly sociopathic pickup artists trying to sell their weekend programs. Not all of them are bad. Some of them have good insights but the economic model that they have is very different from what we’re doing in Mate. We’re just like, “We’re going to stick it all in one book. It’s fairly cheap. Boom. That’s what we know.” Other folks are more like, “How can we make thousands of dollars out of men’s insecurity before we give away useful information.”
Geoffrey Miller : That’s right. At one level, the book is framed and sold as dating advice but Tucker and I also had a cohort mission, almost a Trojan horse that we just wanted guys to get their lives in general together better. We knew that sex was a huge motivator. If you just start lecturing guys about you need to get in shape, they’ll go, “Yeah, yeah. Someday.” If you go, “Women will have sex with you if you get in shape,” then guys will go, “Yeah, okay. I’ll get in shape.” Then, they get all the benefits of that in the rest of their social life, their careers. We also know being in shape improves your mental health and your mood and your happiness level. There’s a hidden agenda that we want guys to create excellence in their lives more generally. Because they’re so focused on mating, that’s a kind of a path forward that can tap into that motivation pretty easily.
In today 8767 s episode I talk to evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller, who co-authored the book Mate: Become the Man Women Want with Tucker Max. You probably know Max from things like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell , but these days, he 8767 s married and has a kid, and was actually concerned that men were using his 8775 fratire 8776 material as an honest-to-goodness guide to dating. He wanted to write a book that would offer sound, research-backed advice for interacting with women instead, and so teamed up with Miller to execute the idea.
So what's a woman to do? First, she must learn to recognize the male gatherer. She must then stop throwing herself at his feet. Forever. Male gatherer guy does not have the inclination or the stamina for true romance women crave. He always leaves women feeling emotionally shortchanged. Why? Because he is, in fact, emotionally stunted. Chances are high that he didn't have a father to teach him the responsibilities of manhood.
Geoffrey Miller : Yeah, absolutely. Then, if you get to talking to those couples and one is conspicuously a lot smarter than the other, there’s a jarring sensation like, “Wait. How are they together?” You worry this isn’t going to last because the intelligent one’s going to get bored and frustrated and leave. If people are really mismatched on things like fundamental religious or political values and they’re always arguing about Bernie and Trump and Obama or whatever or which religion should we raise our kids in, that’s not going to last very long.
Today we live in a fast paced, highly mobile world. The old networks of family and friends that used to help people meet their mates is not nearly as strong as it was at one time. In the developed world, and particularly in the United States, men change jobs regularly and few take the time to become deeply involved in the civic and religious life of their communities which is how most men met their wives and girlfriends for millennia.
Griffin: We got sent something like 855 questions and pared it down to six [each of which forms the basis of one episode], and a lot of those were variations on How do I meet people? And that&apos s probably the majority of the questions we get for the podcast on a weekly basis, too. It&apos s just not a very visually interesting question to tackle for a television show.
Brett McKay : That was really interesting because there’s a trope online where women are only attracted to rich guys. You can be old and if you have lots of money, then you can attract a attractive woman. It doesn’t matter your looks. Then, guys just go for looks in women but whenever I’m out and about like I’m at Target or I’m at Panera Bread and I look around at the couples, these people look pretty much the same. Kind of overweight people are with the overweight people, attractive people with attractive people, medium looking people are with medium looking people. It seems like everyone knows where they stand like you said in the mate market.
How do teenage boys, in all their sloppy, rude glory, learn how to grow up into empathetic, sensible men x7569 without getting ensnared in the many traps laid out by, say, predatory groups on the internet? It&apos s rare to see questions like these that even obliquely deal with the topic of modern masculinity tackled in honest, healthy ways, especially with the patience needed to handle a genuine journey of maturity. But enter My Brother My Brother and Me , an advice show for the modern era that takes a foundation of hilarious jokes and sneaks in a core of warmth that makes it much easier for listeners to admit their own failings.
Basically, that means you have to go out and have experience and interactions and build up the traits that you know will be attractive to women. It’s very hard to feel confident if you don’t understand what women really want and if you know you haven’t cultivated the traits that they really want because then, you get this impostor syndrome where you feel like, “Okay, maybe I can talk a good line. Maybe I’ve got a good approach,” but it feels like a house of cards. I think you have to do some deep inner work and get the rest of your life together before you can really approach a woman with confidence. Most of the Mate book is really about doing all that work ahead of time even before a date. It’s not that hard but it’s something a lot of guys neglect to do.
Geoffrey Miller : Yeah. We’ve been running this website called Mating Grounds for about the last 65 months. We have our own podcast series which includes mostly answering questions from guys and giving the best evidence-based advice that we can but also we’ve got interviews with experts. We’ve also got a case study of a guy that Tucker knows, Joe, where we’ve been coaching him for 85 episodes through getting his life together and improving all his traits and proofs that are attractive to women and improving his whole dating life. There’s a lot of content there.
Geoffrey Miller : Yeah. Mating markets is a concept I got really excited about. I spent 9 years in an economics department in London that did a lot of game theory. Game theory is about strategic interactions between players in a particular market. It analyzes things like what’s your bargaining power in terms of how many people desire things from you versus you desiring things from them. In mating markets, that plays out very heavily in terms of what’s the sex ratio, the proportion of women to men but it also plays out in terms of things like what’s the distribution of ages in the mating market or the distribution of physical attractiveness or intelligence or what are the social norms and expectations about dating.