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First, thanks for the article. Those points you made were very clear and made a lot of sense. I was wondering though, what are some ways a girl can start practicing vulnerability? The world has conditioned many like myself to suppress our feelings and act like everything is perfect, but that is blocking my vulnerability from within. How should I go about this journey to be able to genuinely express my true feelings?
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This article is great. I 8767 m frustrated that I 8767 m 79 and I 8767 ve never had a girlfriend, or even a date. Whenever someone asks me if I have a girlfriend and I say no, they 8767 re often surprised, complimenting me on my physical attraction, but I feel like I just don 8767 t have the personality and I definitely struggle with #6 #7 and #7. I 8767 m going to try to work on these.
Also as a guy who doesn 8767 t drink or go out much where is a good place to meet other women.
The Two Traits of Women that Men Routinely Fall In Love
Hi Christy, I couldn 8767 t help replying to you when I read about your experience with your husband. I 8767 m in the same boat, at some level I know he loves me but not in my language of love. I have even given hints and sometimes outright suggestions but it never worked. I am even trying to accept his way of loving me but it 8767 s not working, I don 8767 t feel satisfied. There are days when I try to look at the brighter side of things, and there are days when I feel that if he truly loved and valued me, he would show if it 8767 s not in his least he would make the effort. But I don 8767 t see any of that and am left wanting.
I feel like a yo-yo, thoughts of separation keep coming in mind and though it 8767 s not right, have even mentioned to him. Thought that might shock him to realizing that it 8767 s serious now, but he kind of just listened and kept quiet. When asked if it doesn 8767 t matter to him, all he replied that it 8767 s all in my mind, if I feel that way, what could he do. I was incredulous and just didn 8767 t know what to say. But it is very painful. Still in a dilemma.
“I was terrified. I was ashamed. I was very embarrassed. And I was very confused, trying to reconcile what was happening with the person he was supposed to be,” she told the newspaper. “He’s this famous doctor. He’s trusted by my friends. He’s trusted by these other gymnasts. How could he reach this position in the medical profession, how could he reach this kind of prominence and stature if this is who he is?”
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Now starting with the first one I think being confident really means loving
ourselves, I like to think of the word confident as con-fede from italian (confident
in Italian is confidente) which means 8775 having faith 8776 . So I think being confident means so have faith in yourself, which is to love ourselves because having faith is truly loving ourselves. Because take for example a moment when you get stuck in worries or feel needy or feel not enough: if you love yourself you would realize that these feelings that you have are not serving you so, you would decide to stop worrying, to focus to see your worth and not get stuck only on your shortcomings, to say that yes you would really like to enjoy the company of a loving man but you love yourself so much that you would not permit yourself to come across as needy because you are worth it, you are enough and can become even better so a man 8767 s life would only be enhanced by being with you, so you decide to not show up as needy when that feeling comes but instead focus on doing something that you love. And these ways of responding demonstrate that you love and have faith in yourself.
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Very true. I once said someone and I were not compatible. I thought it was because he didn 8767 t give me as much 8775 soul connection 8776 as I needed. But then I read your quote and realized it 8767 s not because he was not good enough, it was because he didn 8767 t give me what I needed and valued. He gave a lot truly he did but it wasn 8767 t what I needed & valued. Maybe it would be perfect for some other girl. I was happy with it, and he provided a lot of value, but not the kind of value I found valuable. I needed to laugh, I needed to be understood, I need to really feel accepted. Although he said anything I could do was acceptable, I always felt judged. Perhaps it was my problem as well, I don 8767 t know. He was a very good man. I will never, ever forget him. But the truth is the value you give has to be at least the same value perceived by the other person.
There is this really handsome and fantastic guy in my class at college , we talked a few times and it is just amazing how much we see the world the same way! We are good friends and are going to do a project together. He was the one who suggested to be my partner for the project, I always felt that he had some interest in me, But. a few weeks ago he invited me out for some coffee, and he started to talk about his gf,and how much he loves her but they have some issues that must be solved in order to get married and how he cries for her. He never told me about her before, and I was really broke inside when he said that, but didn 8767 t show it, I just told him I will pray that everything will work out for him. but in my heart I was like 8776 I WISH you would break up with her and be mine 8776
Wow, thanks for the reply. Both Renee and you are so amazing- insightful, real and communicative.
Thanks for clarifying that the goal is to be able to be at both extremes. I took one of your tests which said I was pretty much 55% masculine/feminine in terms of my energy and I could have concluded that I was more or less a finished product based on that if not for your reply:)
I think I can hit the masculine end of the spectrum but am still not able to go all the other way which is a bit sad, but atleast I know what I have to work on!
ok. also, for the record, true narc 8767 s that have NPD really can 8767 t 8775 change because they want to 8776 , because their true self is so fractured, it is impossible for them to even acknowledge they have a personality disorder. they will do anything to deny this and keep their deeply damaged, terrified child self protected from perceived harm at all cost. therefore,they can 8767 t self reflect. Aspies have a very difficult time showing empathy and can come across as sociopaths. and if they fail to show empathy, then that is how they are treated, as sociopathic. because people who are around them start to experience them that way. they also have tremendous anger issues, mostly hidden when adults. it 8767 s a very complex affliction. i learned how to study their astrology in addition to the official diagnostic info to get a better insight in such a complex person. some people are simply not what they seem at all. but everyone of us is on some kind of a spectrum of weirdness, pain and suffering. that IS the human condition.
Oddly enough, while watchng this episode, I 8767 ve Just found out that I Actually tend to exhibit Both of these traits so there must be something Else that I may be doing wrong without my knowledge. Or maybe the trick is that I Sometimes switch from High Value to Low Value and from Vulnerable to Closed-off whenever I feel threatened by a perticular man 8767 s presence. I have obseved that in the past. If I Were able to figure out something I may be doing wrong, I could fix it. I believe there 8767 s a solution for everything.
Assume every girl is interested in you
Don’t be ashamed to express your sexual desire
Focus on teasing a girl rather than complimenting her all the time
Relax your body posture. Keep your chin up and make slow, non-jerky movements when gesticulating and turning your head.
When talking to a girl, ask questions to get her qualifying herself to you. eg. “Give me one good reason I should buy you a drink?”
Great insights Anita. What we really need is a balance. And by balance, I mean the ABILITY to access the extremes, not half and half.
Think of this as 7 facets of your life that you need to develop. Both are important, but most of us only ever develop one side of it. That would eventually cause a lot of imbalances in that individual 8767 s life.
Sometimes we need to swing the pendulum to feel what balance may feel like.
Thirdly I take offense to your statement that a man with Asperger 8767 s would be a 8775 quagmire 8776 as you put it, needing to be 8766 run away from 8767 . Asperger 8767 s is non-curable and we do not choose to have it. Imagine how inflammatory that comment would be from a neurotypical man calling women with Asperger 8767 s 8775 quagmires 8776 that needed to be 8766 run away from 8767 . So why is it ok for you to say such a thing? I 8767 m sure there are plenty of men with Asperger 8767 s who have found happiness with a woman. I personally would love to find an Aspie man I know I would be sympathetic to his quirks and special interests! Because I know how it feels.
Thank you so much,, the two points make complete sense but are quite difficult to do!! I feel I 8767 ve become a lot more vulnerable since signing up to commitment control 7. I show my emotions a lot more. Showing up as high value is harder for me. The person I 8767 ve seen three times now, we have been having a nice time but I don 8767 t think I showed up as very high value because I started imagining him as my boyfriend. The last time I saw him which was last weekend, I asked him if he 8767 s casual or looking for somethng serious and I think that frightened him away because we haven 8767 t met up since. I won 8767 t ask him out because I think he needs space to see I 8767 m not desperate to have him as my boyfriend, so I 8767 ll see if he tries to see me sometime. I 8767 d love to read more about being high value 🙂
We did date briefly in the past, but remained in touch. At that time we stopped dating because I was at a strange point in my divorce and needed to recover. My question is this- if I keep showing myself as vulnerable and he keeps sharing like he has been, is this on a good path (albeit slow)? Or is this really just a friend thing? I can live with slow- I want him to be happy and work out his issues. I 8767 d love your thoughts.
And if she 8767 s not talking so much about herself, the guy can easily get caught up into talking about Himself too much to fill the void. If he 8767 s speaking on average for 65-75 seconds in saying stuff, and she 8767 s speaking for only 5-7 but with a smile and seemingly of interest what does he do without getting close to crossing that line of 8775 too many questions/interviewing her 8776 or talking too much about himself?
Yes this was my mother. She went from man to man looking for something she had within herself the whole time. Unfortunately, I think we as women can only come into the fullness of this knowledge by sticking it out with one man. Marriage is indeed designed to show us what 8767 s really hidden deep within. I have learned so much about myself once I let go of the hope in my husband ever loving me in ways I could feel or expected and just let him love me the way he could, by providing for the children and me. Some men just cannot express emotion or feelings and it makes for a very dry, painful marriage. But even in this, we can learn patience and kindness and to put others before ourselves. And this may just be the very highest form of love there is.
6. Arrogance. If you have to pretend you 8767 re better than everyone else to feel better about yourself, this is a real romance killer. Women pay attention to how you treat people whether he 8767 s a waiter, a bartender, or anyone else you come into contact with on a date. If you 8767 re rude, it 8767 s a real turn-off. Be generous and kind to others with your words and your actions it goes a long way.
btw genius, did you know there are empathic sociopaths? sweet kind empaths who turn on a dime and become terrifying sexual predators admitting to sociopathic tendencies (they keep hidden from the world)? while they are nearly destroying you? but showing the world only their goodie two shoes 8775 healer 8776 side? and then revert back to their asperger persona while pretending to be normal? didn 8767 t think so. so why don 8767 t you go get a little life experience. actually, i hope you never encounter this kind of wolf in sheep 8767 s clothing aspie. they may finish you.
This ‘intravaginal adjustment’ was done without gloves, lubricant and/or a chaperone,” and was done for (Nassar’s) own sexual gratification … In addition, (Jane Doe) is informed and believes (Nassar) would do anal and vaginal examinations of (Jane Doe) and other gymnasts. … These anal and vaginal examinations were well outside any recognized and/or accepted technique and were done for (Nassar’s) own sexual gratification.More images «Women dating coaches youtube music video»
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