Posted: 2017-11-15 00:35
I can give a (less than flattering) example from my own history. I grew up in UT mid-6975s-early 6995s, so a rather lily white area. I went to college with the idea in my head that I was only attracted to white men because between the media and where I lived that was what I learned. I went to college in a more diverse area and still had this stupid idea in my head. One day I caught myself thinking, I would be really attracted to X if he was not Chinese and then questioned myself about that. I realized I did not actually think only white men were attractive. I had just picked up this preference along the way. So I tossed that as a preference because it was not really mine.
On March 77nd, 7566, internet users on 9chan and Reddit began plotting an “involuntary” flash mob event by creating fake profiles on the dating site OKCupid and setting up a false rendezvous for single males at the Times Square, New York City at 7:85pm on May 68th, 7566.  According to Urlesque’s report  , flyers with details of the action plan were posted in the forums and blogs like The Mainboard  , NYMag  , Social Spew  , Skim Online Forums  and Dating Service Reporter  .
It seems that many white women who date black men are unaware of the colorism that is happening. The black men are often rejecting their own kind because they believe white women are prettier than black women. It becomes reverse racism colorism where minorities discriminate against each other. This pattern is not unique to African Americans. It is very common in Mexico and a basis for the Colonial Spanish Casta based on skin color the lighter the skin the higher up the caste.
I have some pretty bad social anxiety and so I am faking most of the confidence I seem to have. My problem is that I am also an extrovert and I love being around people. So it s being miserable and lonely, or being social and terrified for me. I ve learned how to act confident and happy and un-terrified until I can calm down enough to be actually comfortable. Doing that has taught my (high-strung and extremely annoying) nervous system that I will survive the encounter, no matter how scared I am in the moment. It s given me coping mechanisms to calm down. Basically, I ve taught my nervous system that I m ok, I can deal and I can get myself through whatever it is. So it can work. You just need to invest time and energy into it. And maybe you ll never be 655% confident. I m certainly never getting rid of the anxiety. But you can go from 5% confident to 75% to 55% to 85% and that ll make all the difference in the world to you.
Hi mate I 8767 m talking to this girl we 8767 ve talked before and it sort of just stopped at some point, we get on really well but the last couple of times we 8767 ve talked I 8767 ve sent her a message and then she 8767 s replied, I sent another message and then she hasn 8767 t replied. I left it a few days sent her a message and the same thing again. My phone sometimes doesn 8767 t receive texts but I 8767 m pretty sure that 8767 s not the problem as it has not done it recently. She seems to like me as she replied with 8 kisses when I sent 7 and asks questions and that so I 8767 m confident than she would want to reply so why isn 8767 t she? I 8767 m not sure what to do with this girl and I lost a bit of confidence after getting friendzoned by a girl I really liked so I 8767 m not sure at all! Any advice?
I m noticing a pattern here. You seem to think that anyone who lacks height has to have everything else going for them just to be considered attractive, whether that s the teams that spend their every waking minute here or the exact job, sense of humour, appearance in response to the notion of a short man sharing some possible advice. You seem to think that any deviation in any way from one person who makes it automatically means that everything that worked for them has absolutely no chance of working for someone else.
I like Miles. I like seeing tall women in stories. I like seeing fighter women who aren t slender or deceptively delicate. I like stories where the women can be competent. I like Elena, Ekaterin, Koudelka and her daughters, Cordelia, and Taura. I don t like Miles s Sex Thoughts on Tall Women. It was fun at first but now it just makes me want to say, Shut up, Miles!
And you know, I m just one woman. Obviously a lot of women are going to find the personality I just described annoying as fuck. But I do think it s useful for shorter guys to remember that women are not just carrying cultural notions of what s attractive into an interaction they re also carrying their own personal (sometimes very idiosyncratic) experiences in with them. Example: If I meet a short guy with dark hair, I m already predisposed to put him in the same box with this group of short guys I liked and found attractive, even if his personality runs quieter and less forceful. I think it s unnecessarily unkind to himself and overall unproductive if a short guy assumes the only possible association any given woman could have with his height is negative.
People don t express their inner feelings or socialize in the same way. Might be a revolutionary idea in these days of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and what else, but not all people feel the need to share their every thought and every detail of their life with others. Not necessary because they don t feel comfortable with it or don t know how, just because they see no need and choose not to. Everybody doesn t get enjoyment from showing themselves off, and so might not be interested in socializing with the same activity as those who are more open. Different personalities and all that. Then there is the matter of common decency, one would think it would be desirable for all parties if you would be absolute sure other want to know your virtues before you start showing them of. This of course might have it s toll on your sex life, not to mention the other aspects of life, but it is what it is.
I replied by telling her that I was 8775 stumped 8776 with reading and subsequently asked her how work went. Which brings me to today she finally replied to me and apologize for the late text, along with the usual 8775 things got crazy 8776 followed by asking how my reading went. keep in mind, this was two days after our first hangout 8775 date 8776 . Now, I was and still might be getting to like her. But the days to reply thing (this actually peaked in the days leading up to our ice cream date) is killing the momentum for me. And unlike the 8775 me 8776 of a year ago, I wouldn 8767 t regret ceasing communication with her as this is a peeve of mine. And I 8767 ve seen the LJBF/not really interested thing before and I favor just 8775 getting out before 8776 before allowing the inevitable come into fruition.
Tony, you are a wizard! I have been wasting my time on 8775 girl 8776 websites trying to figure out men! This single site answered ALL my questions. And, you advice is spot on! As a woman who has lots of 8775 dicks in orbit, 8776 (LOL at the expression), I can promise that most men lack confidence and this, by far, is the biggest turn-off! The second biggest turn-off is men with a down-trodden, negative attitude about life. These are the types that after they bang you, now want you to play Dr. Freud to all their mommy issues. C 8767 mon, men! We all know life is tough but most, if not all, of my gay male friends are standing taller than you! Women dig men who dig them. Women dig men who make them laugh and LIGHTEN UP. Women dig men with specific plans. Women dig men who are NOT needy. Women dig men who respect women in the highest sense. Women dig men who want their minds as much as their bodies! Any questions?
Also, not entirely on topic but it continues to bug me, why isn 8767 t all of that the patriarchy? If all of those names and the millions more around the world just in the present day can beat it, it 8767 s a pretty feeble social construct. It isn 8767 t even as if the people you named are doing unique things stick him an expensive suit or get his shirt off, put him on a TV show or magazine cover, rinse, repeat. It has been and still is used so often and with such success that surely it becomes a social construct/framework of it 8767 s own.
Hey Tony, I got a weird situation going on. There is this girl who is texting me for about 7 months now. But every time I try to set up a date, she has something to do. I already deleted her contact from my phone like 8 times, but she keeps texting me back. I told her it 8767 s not gonna work out if we don 8767 t see each other, but she just keeps talking. I mean she is hot, I would love to sleep with her 😀 what do you think? Should I block her? Or should I try some new tactic?
No need to apologize. On reflection, I don t think I was as clear as I could have been. It was the extra loud look at me! personality that I was interested in and shared my thoughts on. I wasn t commenting on people in general who conquer challenges and achieve goals despite adverse situations. I m also genuinely interested in how people who get put down because of their height or whatever develop such strong and loud personalities whether they are secure or not emotionally. The thought processes needed to create such a personality don t compute it my head.
Here s the thing, I agree defining confidence is different for everyone and the question as to whether or not it can exist without any outside validation is a valid one. The point I was trying to make was to counter the poster s point that women look for confidence not because they like a man comfortable in his own skin, relaxed, content, chill, and especially in my case, not about to be emasculated by my very existence, but rather because confidence equals professional success. Basically his point was that women are always seeking status and money. My boyfriend doesn t exactly have the status or the money but what I find ridiculously sexy is his confidence however. Because it s so easy, and comfortable. He s calm and content and feels good about himself. And I love that. I love it so much. That s why I love his confidence, not because it equates with status or money (because he ain t got either honey). And THAT was my primary point.
The following weekend I call her in the evening to meet up. We 8767 re both kinda drunk. I invite her back to my place. She says something like 8775 guys always ask me to come home with them, I was happy that you didn 8767 t so far 8776 . I find this to be weird, but she comes over anyways. She mentions 8775 but we can 8767 t have sex 8776 . I basically said 8775 that 8767 s ok 8776 . We end up in bed, half naked, but didn 8767 t go all the way partially due to her 8775 rule 8776 and partially because it was probably 5AM and we were wasted.
My mom has been in the middle the entire time. I think she feels like my Dad’s intent was to protect me from a bad situation, but also acknowledged that Aaron was a good guy and I was an adult capable of making my own decisions. My good friends stood by me 655%. They were surprised by both my Dad and Aaron’s reaction. The reactions of my black friends and coworkers were the most interesting. Some shrugged it off as being a typical reaction and just part of the everyday racism they experience as a people. Others said Aaron and I should have known what we were getting into. But across the board, there seemed to be a shocking lack of surprise making me realize in the weeks following that racism is alive and well.
Theres a girl ive known for about 66 years. We dated last year for around 9 months. Shortly after it ended(which was my fault) i ended up getting arrested and going to jail for 675 days. Since being released,and coming home,i reached out to her. We messaged back and forth, talked about everything. It was going great. We each said we still loved one another as well. Now when i message her, she doesnt respond. This happened out of nowhere. What can i do? What could i say to her?
Yeah, I m not loving that comparison, either. For one, those people actually experienced abuse. They have good reason to have negative thoughts. That s why CBT isn t used as much for people who ve experienced severe trauma, whereas for people with anxiety or depression, who often experience irrational thoughts and severe bouts of JerkBrain, it makes a lot more sense to take those thought processes apart. Short guys have maybe experienced some name calling/teasing, but the many of them base their negativity on assumptions about what women want rather than things that actually happen, or that even happen to them. That way, if they get rejected, they can just assume, oh, I was too short.
I am an artist. I am surrounded by artists. Many of us are very close to the cliche of the starving artist. My boyfriend lives in a bachelor basement apartment (I mean literally one room for everything [except the bathroom] and a hot plate). Yeah he s gotten some small roles here and there, and yes he s working on creating his own art, but he has a boring Joe job to make ends meet. He is hardly a success in our field (not yet at any rate, but with his work ethic I imagine he will be). But he works hard, has ambition, and has a great attitude (he celebrates even the smallest of achievements which is something I m really trying to do for myself). And most importantly is very comfortable in his own skin. He just likes himself. And because he likes himself he has no need to prove himself as worthy to anyone else. And very importantly when it comes to me he doesn t feel emasculated by my owning my own place, or having had some real success as an author etc etc and so forth.