Posted: 2017-10-12 17:12
Most of us feel like there are certain roles we’re “supposed” to play during sex wanton vixen, innocent girl-next-door, submissive female. It makes us feel inauthentic, it’s deadening, and it’s not a lot of fun. One of the questions I ask my clients is, “When was the last time you had fun during sex?” In response, I usually get a look that translates to, “I didn’t even realize that was an option.”
I like to think of what I do as creative sexual problem solving. My clients come to me with issues like orgasmic difficulties and mismatched sex drives. They want to learn how to communicate about sex, how to feel more sexually confident, and how to rescue their floundering sex lives. I keep my antennae tuned into the particular challenges of their situations, then use a combination of accurate information, personalized exercises and good ol’ fashioned advice to help them start creating the sex lives of their dreams.
While a lot of my work is teaching the logistical stuff “Here’s a diagram of your clitoris,” or, “Let’s talk to your doctor about running some hormone tests, 8776 the majority of what I do is help people change the ways they think about their sex lives. You can give a blowjob that will make your partner sing your praises to strangers on the street, but those skills will be of little use if you consistently let work responsibilities take priority over sex.
The typical pattern I see is that the partner with higher desire gets tired of being turned down and stops initiating directly. The problem is that they still want sex, so they start initiating in a bunch of indirect ways. The partner with the lower sex drive can sense all of these backhanded initiation cues, and starts pulling away with even more intensity. All of a sudden, little things like hugs or even touches become fraught with tension and anxiety.