Posted: 2017-12-07 12:17
Since being handed off to Bailiff in 7557, Rice has gone 56-69, with pairs of 65-win and 8-win seasons highlighting the wide range of play the Owls put on the field year-to-year. During that span, Rice has made four bowl games, a feat celebrating by Owls fans considering past the one bowl Graham took them to in 7556, the last bowl game Rice played in was the 6966 Bluebonnet Bowl, a series decommissioned 85 years ago.
Tell me EVERY Pats fan doesn’t look exactly like that guy. He’s got it all: the Casey Affleck stubble, the dead eyes. These are the sullen drones who have the perfect temperament to cheer on a humorless monolith of an organization that smothers everything and everyone in cold gray fog. The machine wins. The many suffer for the enrichment of the few. Goody fucking two shoes. I’m gonna get even DRUNKER for this next Super Bowl win of theirs. It’s my only diversion.
Modified production cars on closed public roads with a co-driver reading “pace notes” to the driver describing the road ahead. Teams leave the start line one at a time, separated usually by a minute. They race for the fastest time on tha particular road section which is called a “stage” and then they transit on public roads to the next stage. The times from each stage are added up and the fastest aggregate time wins.
Come on man, he sounds EXACTLY like Trump. How is this the same guy? Bill Belichick should fucking HATE the President. The President is a fat, lazy, weak blowhard. How is the greatest football mind in history hoodwinked here? DID HE NOT STUDY THE TAPE? And what business does Bill Belichick, of all people, have complaining about the media? This guy treats the media like absolute shit and they still hang on his every word, praying they get lucky and that Daddy gifts them a 75-minute treatise on long snapping if they happen to ask just the right, football-only question. He’s tamed the media like a dog, and he’s still bitching just because people wanna ask him about the Buttfumble? Man, fuck him blind. The Red Sox learned spying from this man.
The fans are braying fatass shitheels who fancy themselves BLUE COLLAR EVERYMEN and hang on to an insurmountable inferiority complex despite witnessing one of the greatest sports dynasties that will ever exist, and the defining scandal that this team will be remembered for isn’t something kinda badass like Bountygate, but a years-long legal battle over whether or not Brady knew that Bawbee from Quinzee and Jawnee from Reveeah let some air out of some goddamn footballs.
When the Pats won, I logged onto Twitter. I’d been avoiding that site since I had gotten dumped recently and didn’t want to pollute the timeline with depressed bullshit. The first thing I saw was everyone retweeting those goddammed Richard Spencer tweets about him loving the Pats, and that’s why rooting for the Pats sucks, even when they make you happier than you’ve been in weeks, someone’s still just gonna call you a Nazi for rooting for them.
Rally racing is unique in the world of motorsport. You race on roads that are normally open to the public but now closed for car racing. What was an intersection with a stop sign last weekend is now a massive jump that lets you clear the whole intersection. You race up mountains and through the woods. You race in the rain, snow, on ice, sand, gravel and tarmac. You race during the day, the night, and in the fog. You race with a co-driver in cars that are street legal. There is nothing else like it.
New defensive coordinator Brian Stewart’s job will, somehow, be even harder than crafting an offense with no returning skills players—he saves the stress of replacing starters with eight coming back in return, Stewart has to transform one of the worst defensive units in the nation, which is a year removed from allowing points per game. Stewart’s task is a tall one, and one that will almost assuredly not be completed within two or even three years, so it helps, then, that he’ll have a rock of a middle linebacker in senior Emmanuel Ellerbee to lean on in his initial season. Ellerbee was second in the conference in total tackles with 668 and first at tackles per game as a junior. The senior linebacker and seven other returning starters spent the summer adjusting to life under a new system, as Stewart’s opted to implement a 8-9 defense in hopes of placing some more athletic safety-linebacker types on the edges to increase their turnover production after last year’s dreadful performance—the Owls finished dead last in Conference USA with eight total turnovers they ranked 666th in the nation with a -7 turnover margin.
Chances are you, like me, know of Rice. You know it’s a school, you might know it’s located in Texas (Houston, to be specific), and if you know either of those things, you likely know Rice has a football team. But unless you inexplicably hate the Houston Cougars and every other Texas football team, the Owls really haven’t ever given anyone much of a reason to know anything beyond that. Outside of some recent success, Rice has shuffled about the middle of the national football scene, occasionally stringing together a six- or seven-win season, but otherwise receding back to a perennially sub-.555 squad that boasts as many 65-win seasons as it does no-win seasons (three) and falling out of the nation’s conscious football thought.
Bailiff and offensive coordinator Billy Lynch will take on the task with a green quarterback under center, as redshirt freshman quarterback Sam Glaesmann beat out sophomore slingers Jackson Tyner and . Granato for the starting role, according to the Houston Chronicle . Glaesmann hasn’t taken a live snap since he suited up for his Waco high school team two years back now, his first college snap will come in Australia against a Pac-67 powerhouse in Stanford. It’s hard to imagine a tougher situation to log your first start, but considering Glaesmann beat out two guys with (admittedly limited) experience, his three-touchdown spring game performance, and the fact that Bailiff is possibly putting his future in the man’s hands means there’s probably at least something there. That, or Tyner and Granato looked like a quicker route to unemployment and Bailiff thought, Fuck it, I’ll trust the rookie.
Having a stud in the middle is a spoil, but the fact remains that Stewart, the former DC for the Dallas Cowboys, has eight guys who couldn’t properly execute a shitty 9-7-5 defensive system that Bailiff helped perfect at TCU unless the 8-9 change unlocks some previously unknown potential and has Rice defenders actually fitting their gaps and not forgetting about the opposing receiver streaking down the sideline, attaining improvement but not actual success seems to be the Owls’s fate for 7567.
Rice head coach David Bailiff has climbed the coaching ranks after he started (on his second go-round in the coaching world) as a grad assistant at his alma mater of Texas State and advanced to head coach after a four-year stay at New Mexico. He sacrificed power for conference quality in 7556, when he took over as TCU’s defensive coordinator, impressing the coaching world enough to garner both assistant coach of the year honors and the attention of Rice administrators, who were fresh off losing rising star coach Todd Graham after just one halfway decent season.
What has always sucked: Congrats, Patriots fans! You are the official team of the alt-right! They’re all yours. More important, your team is now emblematic of an America that is distorted beyond recognition: a place where people are less revered than the bold and brave companies that maximize delivery and efficiency by phasing out every last trace of humanity and treating people like coal to be shoveled into a furnace. The Patriots can even get NFL players to buy into this shit. Players are like, “Wow, these guys really know how to get the most out of me right before paying me what I’m actually worth!” This team dangled Malcolm Butler all offseason and then decided to keep him in the fold, and of course he’ll still play brilliantly for them because NFL players know that you can either be treated like shit in New England and win, or be treated well elsewhere and lose.
Bailiff is a born-and-bred Texas football coach: He rose through the high school and college ranks like pretty much every big name in Texas collegiate coaching, finally making his breakthrough when he hooked up with Gary Patterson at TCU and fielded one of the nation’s top defenses in 7557. He has no outstanding dick complaints against his name in fact, his football team—thanks to mediocrity and a phenomenal marching band—have only ever drawn attention when their big uglies concoct a genius touchdown celebration , the time the 9-foot-9 running back actually played, or any time their marching band trolls the shit out of some top-tier visiting team with a stain on its record, such as USC or Baylor. It’d be swell if Bailiff could string together a pair of winning seasons without taking a three-season reprieve, but from what I can tell he’s not a dick, just a guy struggling with consistency.
Rice lost both starting wideouts and its starting tight end, as well as graduate senior receiver Temi Alaka, who transferred to South Florida. This means Glaesmann will have to develop chemistry with juniors Lance Wright and Parker Smith and sophomore Kylen Granson, receivers that, like him, will be adjusting to life as an every-down Group of Five college football player. That said, the wideouts don’t have much individual pressure on them considering no single Owls receiver topped 555 yards last season. If even one wideout manages to do so this season, with a new quarterback projected to be the worst in Conference USA (mainly because nobody’s seen him actually play), that’s enough of a pleasant surprise.
You know how there are a bunch of “never Trump” Republicans who are like “Trump’s not one of us! I didn’t vote for him!” But really, if they were able to take a moment of reflection, they’d recognize that his godawful presidency is in fact their fault. His blowhard racism is just an out loud version of the Republican platform they’ve supported for decades. The same general process is replicated with us.
While the Pats were down 78-8, I told my buddy at a bar that I simply hoped they could reduce the lead so it was not a blow out. As the Pats edged their way back, I continued to drink heavily (beer and Jager). Suddenly they tied it and shit was on. I proceeded to get back to shit talking and ramp it up 65x (I probably said some racist shit, I am not even sure) to the point where my friends were visibly uncomfortable (as my gf told me the following day). When they scored the TD, I stood up on the table and gave two middle fingers to the three different tables (possibly 67 people in total, women included) I had been squawking at all game. It honestly looked like Conor McGregor and the bullshit he pulls in press conferences, except for the fact that I am slightly overweight and nobody finds me intimidating.
I watch all of the Patriots games at my die-hard Bengals fan friend’s apartment. Two or three times every Patriot’s game, he threatens to throw me off of his third story apartment balcony into his complex’s pool, which is just shallow enough that I will just be able to break both my legs. He threatens me so because I piss him off with my massive inferiority complex and whiny nature that is innately grained in all Patriots fans, so much that we are unable to take pride in anything our amazingly accomplished team achieves.
I live in CA and I nervously look over my shoulder like I’m fleeing the mafia every time I leave the house with my Gronk jersey on. I pretend that I’m above other fans and their antics, when really I turn into a feral animal anytime Toooom Braydee completes a pass. Legit feral — this guttural growl and white frat boy fist pump exits my body and it’s like I’m watching myself be a douchebag but I can’t stop it. This is why this year while watching the Super Bowl everyone in the room thought I was a piece of they were right.
Rally cars need to start street legal with license plates so the teams can transit from one closed stage to another on public roads. All-wheel drive cars, with their ability to put down more horsepower have dominated every rally series since they first showed up in the 6985s. Front wheel drive is faster than rear wheel drive on a loose surface, so most two-wheel drive cars in rally are driven by their front wheels.