Posted: 2017-10-13 02:48
At my counseling center, Compulsion Solutions , we use a step-by-step approach to break the cycle of porn addiction. A major component is that you always have a choice of whether or not to believe your mind, your thoughts, and your story that watching porn will make you feel better. The truth is that you do always have a choice. There are many paths to choice. One is to begin to “undo” that story of your life that you still believe from childhood. Another is to train yourself to make different choices that are actually positive. One way to start is to choose to keep reminding yourself: You are not your mind.
It was difficult at first. The immediate effect of my resolution was an overwhelming sexual urge coming from the body. I frantically prayed for assistance. I held my hands at my side and willed them not to move. I watched my mind do its thing with images, but, according to my policy, I refused to engage with the images or to give consent to them. The physical sensations kept coming, demanding action. I ardently prayed 8775 I can 8767 t do this alone. If you don 8767 t help, it 8767 s not going to get done 8776 . Much to my relief, the sensations passed after a minute or so.
Porn is an escape behavior. It lets you run away from whatever you 8767 re feeling horniness, boredom, anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc. It lets you trade discomfort for momentary pleasure. The problem is that if you are always running away from these feelings instead of learning how to deal with them and the underlying issues then you create a cycle of dependence. The key is learning how to face the things that are uncomfortable to us. Everything worth getting is going to call for us to step outside of our comfort zone and breaking free from porn is no different. Here 8767 s a video I made that elaborates more on this 8775 Master Habit 8776 .
I just want you all to know that I sincerely appreciate what you 8767 re doing. The resources you all provide are extremely beneficial. I don 8767 t know exactly where I 8767 m at in my reboot (at least in terms of days w/o PMO) but I know these websites, communities, forums, blogs, videos etc. have helped me more than anything and it 8767 s really fucking reassuring to know that they 8767 re available. Seriously, thank you.
One reason you have an addiction could be that as a child you began to believe a story about yourself. But, unlike other stories you took in, such as Star Trek or Harry Potter , you believed that your story was true. Why? Because your story served a very important purpose: It made you feel better. At least temporarily. As a child, believing your story may have been a way of coping with situations or emotions that you felt were out of your control. As an adult, you also have situations and feelings that cause you stress or distress. You want to feel better. So you go back to your story. And you might feel better watching porn and having an orgasm, but it does not last. You then may feel shame and loneliness. Why? Because the story is not true. You don’t end up feeling better. But you keep believing the story is true because something is telling you it’s true. Your mind. But the real truth is…
You will fail. Again and again. and yet again. And you must rise up yet again with the same bold determination to fix this part of your life. As Paulo Coelho said: 8775 The secret of life, though is to fall seven times and get up eight times. 8776 Always be willing to fail, but most importantly, be willing to embrace failure as an important part of the process. Screwing up sometimes is the only shortcut to a successful recovery.
I look at porn because I have
no other sexual outlet. Despite years of trying I have never been able
to find a woman who would agree to have sex with me and I cannot afford
to go to prostitutes. So it seems that should I stop masturbating to
porn I will then be celibate and, quite frankly, I think my loneliness
has been punishment enough without adding celibacy to the mix.
Your gremlin is that little voice in your head that tries to convince you to do things that deep down you know aren 8767 t good for you. The key is not letting this voice have an equal say in your actions. Gremlins can have incredibly persuasive arguments that make relapsing and watching porn seem like a really good idea in the heat of the moment. The trick is to get extremely clear on what you TRULY believe so that when a gremlin thought pops up you can identify it as that rogue part of you that shouldn 8767 t be listened to. In order to do this, make a list of all the ways in which porn is holding you back from the life that you want, and then make a list of all the ways in which quitting porn plays into your ideal lifestyle. When you have thoughts that violate this list then you know that it 8767 s just your gremlin and you shouldn 8767 t follow what it says.
I went through a period of being single, stuck in a small town where there were very few dating opportunities, and I began to masturbate frequently with porn. I was already writing sex advice for couples at the time, considered an expert, and I was amazed at how quickly I got sucked in. I began losing days of work surfing porn sites. And yet I didn 8767 t fully appreciate what was happening to me until I was in bed with a woman and caught myself furiously trying to recall an exciting porn image in order to get hard.
Before I could make any moral changes in my day to day life, I had to learn right from wrong. Since I could not honestly invent a moral code of my own I turned to a Catholic booklet entitled 8775 an examination of conscience 8776 . The book explained what the conscience was and how it works. It then listed the serious mortal sins, the less serious venial sins, and finally gave a list of character defects.
I want to give everyone in this forum a gold star for engaging in the battle against sexual addictions. If you succeed, you will have opened a road to a happiness that you never imagined was waiting for you, a happiness based on self respect and virtue. By the way, virtue comes from the root 8775 vir 8776 which means manly. You are on the way to becoming real men, getting stronger in the cardinal virtues of prudence, fortitude, justice and temperance.
So, perhaps you have this porn addiction to overcome. It is among the many challenges that, in overcoming, will build you as a man, and will write the fascinating story that you will one day look back on say, 8775 That was my life. 8776 The tragic story if you fail will also be an interesting one. But the one where you win out in the end is the real audience pleaser. Remember that the next time you are battling the urge to just look for a MINUTE… that this is your heroic challenge, that it 8767 s okay to face pain and that it 8767 s okay to be imperfect. If you can, have a laugh at your own expense. Smile, and get the hell out of there.
i notice that when am with my wiFe i don 8767 t ponder on sex..we have sex 7 times a week but i don 8767 t want it much cos her company is enough. but when she travels i masturbate. i feel the ideas especially the you are not your mind works but what i feel is that when am constructively engaged i never do am bored i do engaging good peers having a loving wife and being constructive all day and night 865 helps alooot
I was surprised to learn that masturbation is listed as a mortal sin. This is not the way it is viewed in many Christian denominations, some of whom teach that it is no sin at all or only a 8775 baby 8776 sin. But I knew that this was a serious situation which had to be corrected. I was grateful for that booklet. It gave me an intellectual baseline to build on. I determined that the Catholics were right and the other denominations were wrong.
When your mind sends you a thought such as, “I’m hungry. Let’s get a slice of pizza,” you believe that it’s true. And, in that case, it probably is true. But your mind also sends you thoughts that are not true, such as: “Let’s take a break and watch some porn. We’ll feel better.” Again, there could be that exciting hit from watching porn and then, wasted hours later, that feeling of deflation, shame, isolation, and possibly remorse. But your mind keeps telling you to do it and you believe your mind and your story. But you can stop believing everything your mind tells you. How? It’s not easy, and…
The second most important factor would be physical health . I really can 8767 t overstate how important it is to get your physical body restored to natural working order. By this I mean sleeping enough, eating higher quality, cleaner food (no processed foods, no sugar, no alcohol, moderate to little caffeine) and working out regularly. The constant stress in the modern world is literally toxic. Most of us are under-slept and over-stressed and eating crap, and then we wonder why we have bad coping habits like porn or binge drinking. The good news is, any improvements you make to your physical health pays dividends in terms of increased willpower and lowered stress, and this makes it easier to continue improving your life. I recommend guys start with green tea & meditation two easy, inexpensive actions most anyone can take that both have big benefits relative to their costs.
If you are not sure what 8767 s realistic, use others experiences and adapt your goals along the way. Set milestones and work your way from milestone to milestone. Instead of being too overambitious, as I might have been at the beginning, set smaller goals and milestones and make sure to step back from time to time and look at what you have accomplished. Stepping back is as important as going after your milestones and goals.
Here 8767 s the other part you may not have heard: The rewards of giving up porn extend beyond making you more attractive to real women. You also gain the capacity to create a different and distinct pleasure in your sex life that is entirely different from mere sexual release and the pleasure of orgasm. When you are present with a woman you care about during love making, there is a mutual surrender and mutual acceptance that is, perhaps, the most rare and most pleasurable of all human experience.
Statistics of pornography addicts in the Church:
67% of men.
75-85% of women.
55-58% of pastors.
Because sexual sin has such contemptible connotations amongst Christians, few dare to examine it for what it really is. It’s like a disease that no one wants to get close to, but denying the existence of an epidemic doesn’t stop it from spreading. Hosea 9:6 says: “My people perish for lack of knowledge…”
Your protest against pants could be viewed as an environmentally friendly way to reduce pollution by using less air conditioning. But really, how much cooler do you think you’ll end up by exposing your legs? And do you think your building manager cares about your misguided #FreeTheKnee crusade? Granted, using less air conditioning could save billions of dollars in energy costs, but wearing knickers won’t do much but force you to purchase a blanket.