Posted: 2017-12-07 17:08
Interesting idea, but not my experience. I get my fair share of messages.. on average, 5 a day. I''m pretty good looking by most standards, though I''m fully aware I''m not the most attractive, and I often find messages from men who are far less physically attractive than the men I''ve dated IRL (some of whom I''ve met online!) Of all the men, most find my profile interesting and say so, even if there''s a blatantly obvious comment (about interests, what we''re seeking, or looks) that should make it obvious that we aren''t compatible. It''s like they ignore it and try, anyway.
I honestly think a lot of the problem has to do the massive amount of attention the women receive. They might claim everyone on there is "creepy," but I think the problem lies more with the fact that they receive so much constant attention, that those of us who are decent just simply get lost in the shuffle. The girls I work with use online dating basically describe it like looking through a catalog. They constantly get bombarded with messages, they quickly glance at the profile, make a quick (often shallow) judgment, and then move on to the next one. Some have been on the site for several years now and I feel that the more attention they receive, the more unrealistic their standards become. It reaches a point where I''m not sure that ANY guy is good enough for what these women are looking for.
I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don''t see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn''t a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.
I empathize with the women who are offended and grossed out at receiving such images. Women, and all people, should be able to have some safe spaces. Unfortunately, safety on the Internet is hard to come by. I do think that this is a particular issue in our society, where nudity is sexualized and taboo. I wonder if women have as strong a reaction in societies where intersex nudity is common in bathing and beaches?
As to the creepy responses. Some may be legit creepy but a lot of them are jaded men who know that writing a well thought out response is an utter waste of time for them, especially older men. That said the older men are just living in denial about the reality the women by in large do not want them all. Same for older gay men. Yes it''s partly ageism "Ewww he could be my father". But that''s because they are an don''t understand that really what would you talk about, you pop culture connections would be so out of date for them (unless you luck out with an old soul). Also another reason for short messages is because guys HAVE ALWAYS by in large done it short and sweet. Think about the cheesy pick up lines or conversation starters at a bar. They are not deep probing question that want to know more about why you are in medieval crossbow shooting.
BTW - I met my wife through a dating service, back in the days when the questionnaires were paper and the matching was done by a mainframe. She did not have a Miss Universe looks or Einstein IQ or a corporate vice president''s income. But she did have a very pleasant personality. I''m sure I did not posses all the attributes of her knight in shining armor. It wasn''t "love at first sight." But we liked each other very much. We have been together now almost 78 years. We''ve had our ups and we''ve had our downs but, unless something unforseen happens, we plan to stay together to the end.
After 6 months on various sites I''m finally signing out today - my advice to men is to just enjoy your single life and use your time productively on hobbies and interests and self improvement etc. - get out into the real world to meet people. You''ll probably be quite shocked if you keep a record of how many hours you spend trawling dating sites - I was when I decided to record my usage - One of the reasons that today is delete day - more time for fitness and reading.
Yeah..when I was online dating, I messaged quite a few men. SEVERAL. All at a similar level of attractiveness to myself. Not a single one replied. And in case you''re wondering, my photos were quite nice, and my profile was thoughtful and grammatically correct. All the guys online sift through looking for the "hot girls" and don''t give a crap about anything else -- and then whine that online dating is so hard.
Women dont send dick pics to guys. That''s why we are not creepy. If men didn''t immediately make everything sexual they might have better luck. I never get guys that ask me about my interest or hobbies. A lot of the men are their own worst enemy. Its their APPROACH that is not working. Guys rant in their profiles. They have few good clear photos or they choose photos with other women in there (and dont crop them out). Most guys put very little effort into their profiles and then they are shocked women aren''t interested. I''ve also had guys get angry because I didn''t respond FAST enough. A lot of men come across as bitter, self-absorbed, shallow, perverted, womanizer. They can be the nicest person but if they display any of those qualities they wont get the time of day.
My god you''re a saint. Ireally didn''t think anyone like you still existed in our society today, I try to do the same but some are so touchy and perhaps so used to ghosting that they lash out, but I still won''t stop... well there''s no need for a conversation after you made your lack of Interest clear, I believe that the sender is entitled to at least one written rejection before being ignored, call me crazy but I stand by this firmly and will continue to do so.
The fact is most women don''t look at online dating like a bar scene, at least not at first. They somehow think the site is brimming with their fantasy guy who is just waiting for them. Or that they can weed out all the bad apples and find Mr Right. They get a little disappointed when reality hits. Much like how so many men think online sites have hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for men to save them from lonliness.
Sorry but nope. The pretty girls on the site usually made the account for kicks and don''t really care about your message because they could easily walk out their door and have someone hit on them.
Lastly for some people even if you get prospective buyers to look beyond your pictures, and look at your profile or message you, you may just not be a good writer and that can SUUUUCCCKKK in on-line dating. SO my advice is get some help writing your profile and somewhere in the profile or in your messages say something along the lines of, "I''ve never been good are writing what I want to say I much better person to person". And get to the date as soon as possible. NEVER write, "I don''t know what to say/put here." Never.
No..I do not believe any women enjoy seeing dic pics from relative strangers. Since you can’t be sure who you are dealing with online, a majority if not all the “women” who claim to like them(according to men) are actually men!!! Yes guys you’re sending your junk to scammers who play along. Women don’t like it and 95% of them don’t want to see your dick even if they marry you. There is no quicker way to turn off a woman.
My contention is that inequality and competition are the precursors of societies ills. Men mistreating women certainly but more to the point people mistreating each other for gain. It seems odd to think that men seeking a partner would act as many so often do but it is important to remember we''re not dealing with intellectually compassionate equals. We''re dealing with generations of people that have been bred to compete with one another and ultimately not see each other as equals but as enemies of a sort. We''re not killing each other (for the most part at least within our own society) but we are competing for limited resources to our own detriment.
Yeah, online dating sucks. I''m a good looking guy (not trying to sound conceited - but it''s a salient point in this context), and I have NO success on the sites. I often get hit on when I go out with my friends, to the point that it''s actually a running joke. Yet no girls - I mean none - respond to my messages on dating sites. And my messages are absolutely fine. Never creepy. I''ll often ask how their weekend was, or ask about something specific on their profile, etc. Totally normal stuff - yet - responses. It''s madness. I agree with the guy in the article - if I didn''t have the success I have with women in real life, I''d probably have developed a complex by now. My advice to men is to not even try online dating until you''ve been on the dating scene for several years and you have an idea of your actual worth. Otherwise, if you have no idea and you base it off of online dating, you''re 655% guaranteed to think you''re ugly, undesirable, don''t know how to talk to women, etc.
I know I am not the only guy to have a girl turn me down with hurtful comments after leading you on and thinking you should have just realized she was not interested and gave up. Thing is you couldn''t "take a hint", but we are adults here and those are games kids play. No need for hints, you can be nice and find a more reasonable time to let a guy down, but don''t wait weeks and then get angry with him because you never made your intentions clear. Because the girls don''t realize, its not that obvious for the guy to see she is trying to put off signals that she lacks interest. We will, in even the more extreme cases, often focus on the few positive over the negatives to keep up our optimism, until its written out in plain english to us, "I flattered, but no thank you." Its easy, just text that and don''t worry, even if you look like Anna Kendricks the guy is unliekly to hang himself over the news.
I am currently using and having no luck at all I used E harmony 8 years ago for a year and went on 6 date that was terrible. I''m a decent looking athletic 95 year old guy. College educated 685k income, 7 nice houses, great retirement. Granted I have 8 teenage children part time, and live in a small town an hour outside the city, but dam I would like to think im not a bad catch and still almost nothing. I get plenty of womwn interested but they are almost always 5+years older, no education, or job severely overweight, and so on. It is so depressing, because I am tired of being alone, but what can I do about it, I can only lower my standards so much, I can''t believe its really this bad, it''s like women don''t care, and are completely unrealistic about actually finding someone.
I know guys who constantly say, "Why won''t she respond -- I don''t get it?" I don''t think many of these guys have the kind of creepy-profile pics you describe at all. They''re mostly pics of them playing sports, running, spending time in nature, etc. At the same time, most of the women who do actually reach out to these guys are just like you describe -- they come across as desperate. I think that''s the most revealing statement of all.
My favorite moment is when they stop messaging in the middle of conversation. You try again and again but there is no response although she''s online, like she had a heart attack suddenly. Another one is when they don''t show up. First date and without any warning just no show. Then no response of course. Love those moments especially when they call men creeps. After several contacts like this in the row, men can start acting creepy, I guess. They learn very quickly to not give any respect to women because they are not going to get it back even when everything is going very well.
Well, I''m not there yet but I get pissed sometimes, it''s nothing like in real life.
Eric: I don&rsquo t know. Maybe they don&rsquo t like my pictures, or maybe I&rsquo m not being as nice as I feel I am in my messages. Part of me thinks that they&rsquo re just so overwhelmed with messages from so many guys that they just pick the few that strike them as the &ldquo best&rdquo and just ignore the rest. Women&rsquo s choice is what it&rsquo s all about I guess.