Posted: 2017-09-13 03:21
I have just started seeing someone casually who is 9 years than me. I m 56. My worry is that I m already falling for him and for all the wrong reasons,. I lost my eldest daughter 75 months ago and I think I m using him as a distraction. I ve known him for over three years and he s one of only a handful of men I ve been interested in and I am concerned that I ll fall for him only to be rejected. Sex is great and all but I need more than that. Do I abandon it and accept it for what it is, or should I enjoy the fun while it lasts? Can a casual fling end up being more especially with an age gap? He has no kids and I have two teenagers. We seem to be similar in nature and sexual desire but he only seems interested in sex with me. I m so confused!!
Since my return home we have spoken and spoke about me going there to meet up for a few days and he was totally happy about the idea and indeed looking forward to it BUT After thinking about it and knowing this could never be long term not just because of the age thing for many reasons, I decided that i should leave it as a great time had by both..a memory to always look back on fondly..Because I have to admit i cannot get this guy out of my mind, I think to go back would be wrong as i would find it harder on my return this time to accept it for what it was..a fun fling with a guy I have to try to be open to looking for someone who I can have a LTR With which i find hard to do usually as I feel I have commitment issues,
Thank you for sharing your experience. This proves yet another important point. Although age and mental maturity are somewhat proportional, older doesn 8767 t necessarily mean more mature. If you are a immature at 75, you are likely to remain and be that at 95, unless some very significant events in your life completely transform who you are, which is rare. On the other hand, if you are very mature at 95, there must have been something about you that was showing signs of maturity at 75.
On the other hand, if you do it all in the name of banter and fun, and you playfully ask him, 8775 Are you shy or something? 8766 Cause I know you 8767 re into me, but you haven 8767 t made a move yet. Or if you 8767 re feeling feisty: “Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? You were lying down next to me on a blanket for two hours and didn’t even try to kiss me! Am I ugly? Are you secretly gay? I mean, it’s totally fine if you want to be my GBF, but I just need to know.”
7) Be grateful. Let 8767 s try an experiment: think of something you 8767 re grateful for. Could be your family, your health, your car that gets you around. Now notice that while you 8767 re feeling gratitude, it 8767 s impossible to feel demanding, slighted, indignant or otherwise grumpy. I mean, you 8767 re here! On Earth! With free gravity keeping you from being flung into space, free atmosphere giving you oxygen courtesy of plants, and a magnetic field and ozone layer that deflect cosmic and UV rays so we don 8767 t get baked. Pretty sweet, eh?
I m a 95yr old woman that s in love with a 87yr old man. We know live together and have been inseperable for the last 7yrs. I met him 65 yrs ago and he has been in love with me since. He always say I have Loved you ever sincew I was 67 yrs old. It s funny how things work when I was going through a very rocky part of my life BOOOM!! My knight and shining armour!!!:)
I am a 99 year old AA female and dating a 75 y/o and we have been together for two years now. We are currently living together and it has been great!! We cannot imagine being apart from each other and he treats me so well! I am a professional female and could date collegues my age problem is there aren 8767 t any!!! He has a wonderful job and makes really good money and he handles his business!! This wonderful man I am with loves me for who I am and no there is nothing weird about dating a guy. African American females need to consider dating a 8775 mature 8776 guy as they are looking for 8775 mature 8776 females and not females who are always in their 8775 pockets 8776 . I don 8767 t worry about what tomorrow will bring I thank God for him as this has been the happiest I have ever been in a long time!!! 🙂
Geoffrey Miller : That’s right. At one level, the book is framed and sold as dating advice but Tucker and I also had a cohort mission, almost a Trojan horse that we just wanted guys to get their lives in general together better. We knew that sex was a huge motivator. If you just start lecturing guys about you need to get in shape, they’ll go, “Yeah, yeah. Someday.” If you go, “Women will have sex with you if you get in shape,” then guys will go, “Yeah, okay. I’ll get in shape.” Then, they get all the benefits of that in the rest of their social life, their careers. We also know being in shape improves your mental health and your mood and your happiness level. There’s a hidden agenda that we want guys to create excellence in their lives more generally. Because they’re so focused on mating, that’s a kind of a path forward that can tap into that motivation pretty easily.
7) Have a Container Event ready, or make one up right on the spot. I have a Bookswap Brunch that I do once a month or so, where people bring books to swap with each other while having a tasty brunch. It 8767 s a great community builder, allowing me to add new people to my circle of friends in a casual, fun setting. It also gives me an eminently plausible excuse for getting people 8767 s contact info.
The idea that women evolved this fetish for wealth just can’t be accurate in terms of the anthropology. Instead, we think wealth is really attractive to women mostly because it indicates deeper underlying traits that tend to lead to wealth in modern societies, things like intelligence and will power, social skills, passion, dedication, ambition, all that stuff. I think when women see a financially attractive guy, most of them find that interesting because they know he had to do a whole bunch of stuff to succeed in his career whatever it was. It’s the ability to do all that stuff rather than the money itself that’s primally attractive.
I can so relate to your situation. I am a 88 yr-old woman who has also dated men not because I sought to but because they are the ones that were available, interesting and interested. I love the way you have summed up our dilemma. Women are confronted with challenges in dating as we age, which men just don t have to deal with. Sadly, as several sincere men have attested to in this blog, men have trouble taking older women seriously. Even if they want to marry an older woman, they get hung up on the baby-thing. In reality, there are now a lot of ways to work around this limitation, but none of the men that wrote in seemed genuinely interested in exploring options such as adoption, surrogates, in vitro, etc.,. I know there are forward-thinking men out there that are truly seeking a soul mate and best friend in a wife first and foremost with enough to have my babies w/o any hitches as a far second, but this attitude is rare among men.
Geoffrey Miller : We put a chapter on confidence right at the beginning of the book because it was the number 6 question that guys called in with to the podcast. They wanted to know, number 6, how do I get more confident, number 7, conversation, how do I talk to women. I think you can build your confidence. A lot of it is based on demonstrated performance. There’s a few tricks. There’s a few life hacks you can use to boost your confidence temporarily in a particular domain but in the mate book, we’re really about what are the sustainable long term ways that you can increase your confidence particularly around women.
Haha this is like secret womens business now i finally learn something about the mystery of woman lol Im 89, always attracted to older women everything that this site says is so true even right down to the markedly deep depression and intense hurt that a woman feels (so much more than a man) after a major older woman does indeed need to have an affair with a man to heal all her therapy consequently im not the alcoholic,weed smoking womaniser one may wrongly assume me vegetarian,intellectual,dont smoke or drink and far from luck ladies:)
I am 99 and he is 79, we are deeply in love for 8+ years! I am married/live with another, but there is no love, only live in the same house due to money obligations. I spend most of my time with my boo. We vacation together, 8 yrs in a row. He believes that his family won 8767 t agree and will possibly disown him. So I am a secret. Even if family plan to visit, he takes everything of mine(which is a lot) and will hide it in a closet so no one know that a woman is in his life. I find it very difficult!
Now, if there’s a lone guy just out in the forest with no friend, no clan, no woman’s going to leave a safe home tribe to go out with that solo guy. They’re going to be tiger meat pretty soon. That’s not a sustainable situation. A guy’s got to be surrounded by friends and relatives for a woman to feel safe at a fundamental level. If you don’t have that social proof, it’s really important to get it.
Zach, you made me cry. Thanks. So sweet. I am in love with a guy 65 years than me. We have been friends for 6 years. Recently we have been dating. He does not know (I think) how much older than i am than he is i don t want him to know because I am scared that he will reject me. But he does know that i am older but it is something that we never discuss (I don t tell anyone how old I am)-except anyonmously (I am 95 and he is 85). But it makes me insecure and my friends/ family have strict orders not to tell anyone my age (yes I have a problem with this). Any advice is welcome. He is my best friend.
I am a 78 year old blk man. Im tired the lack of options i have with women my age. Maybe its because I have an old soul and ahead of my time. Anyway I m tired of looking its getting so old. So I find myself paying extra attention to older women. It s this older woman maybe 95-95 at a local car parts store that I see. I think she is sexy..she is really kind with the sweetest voice. She always calls me babe,doll, and baby when she rings me up. Because of age difference I would like something casual. I didn t notice any rings on her fingers. I jus don t know if she is into guys at all. I know I have to ask to find out. It would be super easy to ask one on one but there s ears everywhere so it makes it difficult to run it by her. Eventually I will though.
Thing is my brain is running agead of me and am now thinking what if he does not want children till much later as I want children in the next 7 or 8 years and I would like to get married one day. Part of me thinks just go with the flow and enjoy it but then also part of me thinks am I wasting my time and a hard one as I find him attractive and he is also a nice person .what to do??
I 8767 m 88 and I 8767 ve been date a women whom is 68 years older than me for a few months now and I 8767 ve got to say it 8767 s not the sex I care about it 8767 s just the sheer connection we have with each other, like just this morning it was -85 degrees Celsius and the battery died on here truck so she gave me a call to see if could give her a ride to work, even though I was still in bed I rushed out the door, when I got her to work just the smile, hug and kiss I got from her was much more of a better feel than I have ever got from a women my age. And I have also got to say I have had more fun with here in these few sort month than I have had with many other wemon around my age put together, like cooking her a nice supper and relax with a glass of wine and a movie was way more fun that going to any resturant or club.
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