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I am in good shape because I work out and take care of myself. I do so for myself. I tend to be attracted to women who seem to workout and when I go out I spark up conversations with women who fit what my desires (nurtured or natural I dont know. But I like my choices) are. I however, am not tall, so I am not on the radar of most women over 6ft. For whatever reason, for the most part they choose not to notice me. Considering I FEEL I am bright, charming, confident, and bring things to the table that many men a foot taller do not, should I be on these ladies radars? And if I am not what does it say about them? If I am pissed about them not noticing me are they the problem or should I so a self-reevaluation?
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Thank you for your honesty. It 8767 s gonna take a while for me to process what you wrote. On one hand, you 8767 re right. It is easier for (straight) skinny girls to date and find partners (although from some of the comments it seems like fat phobia exists among lesbians as well). But I think if you 8767 re going to lose weight, it has to be for YOU. Not a career, a man, your friends/family, society, etc. If you 8767 re comfortable with you, quality men will respond to that.
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what she is pointing out with the observation you chose to respond to is the sort of double-speak that is so often uncritically accepted, its the way republicans say poor and you know they mean brown. or they say black and you know they mean uneducated, its not the TRUTH but its their understanding of what those words mean. i myself am a skinny woman, my metabolism is simply high, if i get sick and can´t eat for a day my pants will not fit the next, true story. they will slide off my narrow behind and damn near laugh. because of this, in order to be considered attractive by the conventional male, I DON´T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. i don´t have to care about what i look like, and especially about my weight. the things i do nothing about already have an external stamp of approval i didn´t ask for. more often than not, its a negative to me. i hate being told i´m only cute cuz of my weight, that my clothes are only look nice on me cuz i´m skinny, it takes just as much away from my individual beauty as it does for the beauty of a larger woman to go unnoticed for the same reasons.
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I think your problem is that you need to look in the mirror and give it an honest accounting. You acted just like somebody with a Napoleon Complex. Didn 8767 t like my opinion so you immediately went on the attack. It 8767 s in how far you escalate. Somebody throws darts at you and you return fire with nuclear bombs. You are just like women who have a personality problem standing in their way, then make excuses and whine that they are being discriminated against just because they are a woman. They say, 8775 men just can 8767 t handle a strong woman. 8776 We say, 8775 No, we like strong women we don 8767 t like rude, abrasive, snotty women. There is a difference. 8776
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He sometimes teases me for being unable to reach something because I 8767 m short and I say, 8775 Listen, buster the average American woman is 5 8767 9 8798 tall. I 8767 m 5 8767 5 8798 tall, which makes me slightly above average in height. The average American man, on the other hand, is 5 8767 65 8776 tall. You, my friend, are the pituitary freak around here, not me. 8776 We always get a chuckle out of that. It 8767 s a turn on for him when I wear heels, which I dislike, but I occasionally indulge him. We do feel better matched, walking together, when I have 8 8798 heels on, but it 8767 s a pretty minor note in the grand scheme of things.
If you 8767 re Asian: this is NOT a disadvantage. You are the largest population in the world (all nationalities combined!). There are plenty of women for you to date if you prefer Asian women. If you prefer white women, then you 8767 re dating pool is smaller. Only a certain percentage (I don 8767 t claim to know what it is) of white women will consider dating outside their race so again, the same senitment rings true: your dating pool is just going to be smaller.
As a side note: maybe Tom 8767 s arguments are useful if you 8767 re a woman who 8767 s been limiting herself to taller men and you just can 8767 t seem to find 8766 Mr. Right 8767 among your list of choices. Maybe she should then be persuaded to loosen her criteria. But then again, the converse argument applies to Tom, where perhaps he should consider permitting heavier women who have no issue with shorter men into his dating pool, rather than spend the energy trying to fight an uphill battle against womens prevailing attitudes.
It 8767 s sad but true. If you want more prospects in the dating game, you have to make yourself a viable player. And to be that viable player, you have to make yourself appealing so that you have options. Not really sad when you think about it. You can 8767 t discount that men are out there doing what they can for their appearance to make them more appealing to us as well. They want options and we should have options too. If you want more option in the working world, you get an education that opens those doors to you. If you want more options in the dating world, you improve your appearance. Easy enough.
It 8767 s not popular to say (and I 8767 m sure I 8767 ll be e-stoned for saying it anyway), but if you 8767 re overweight and serious about expanding your dating options, it may be worthwhile to shrink your waistline. I 8767 ve interviewed thousands of men in my career as a dating expert and journalist, and I 8767 ve noticed that on every rundown of what it is that men are looking for in a woman, weight inevitably sneaks high on the list, usually in the form of 8775 She works out 8776 or 8775 She stays fit 8776 or 8775 She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance 8776 ., she 8767 s not fat.
My mother 8767 s father was a short man. He was the opposite of my other grandfather. He did have a Napoleon complex. He was angry at the world for how he was treated, but what he didn 8767 t realize was that the everyone, even big people have their crosses to bear. He allowed his experience to make him bitter and an alcoholic. He chose to get in my other grandfather 8767 s face, so after repeated warnings that were ignored, my paternal grandfather picked him up by his collar, put him against the wall and told him that if he didn 8767 t stay out of his face, he was going to hurt him. This was before my dad met my mom. It did affect my mom and dad, but didn 8767 t stop them from getting married, obviously. My mom 8767 s mom was a very beautiful woman. And I am not just saying that because she was my grandmother. My mom was a good looking woman, her sister was voted sexiest in her class in a large high school in Columbus Ohio. My grandmother was the type of older woman who attracted men less than half her age when she was out by herself. She was model good looking with naturally platinum blond hair.
While there are undoubtedly some cultures in African nations that prefer larger women, most Africans are not and have never been overweight by American standards. If you look at pictures of Africans that were brought as slaves to the new world and at pictures of Africans during the colonial period, there is no indication that Africans have traditionally been overweight. In fact, it is more likely to see long, lean, athletic figures among African people than to see anyone who is overweight.
Look, most black women aren’t married. Every news agency in the country has done a story about how unmarriageable they think we are…even the thin sistas. But, if by some twist of fate, this black woman does get hitched when she’s thin, since 95% of all diets fail to maintain a permanent weight loss, chances are she’ll gain the weight back. And wouldn’t it suck to find out your boo can’t love you in a bigger body? Unacceptable bullshit.
Although now, I love my body and don 8767 t really wish to loose weight. I just want to tone because the truth is, tight stomachs do get your more attention from both males and females. This means that yes, I am extending motivated to loose weight, and while I love the reward I feel when I look in the mirror and see transformation, I also love the reward of fitting into those jeans I 8767 ve always wanted. More over, I love the look on a guys face when I show off my awesome body because I work hard for it.
Maybe the idea is that men aren 8767 t supposed to be more attracted to the types of bodies that, because of 8775 socially constructed 8776 desire, they tend to be attracted to. Or that men ideally are not supposed to be attracted to bodies in the first place but, rather, to personalities or some non-physical essence. Or that various men are supposed to be attracted to various body types, with no dominant patterns of attraction, such that whatever body types are out there, a proportionate number of men will happen to find those female bodies attractive. All women could then have the love they need and they wouldn 8767 t have to 8775 settle 8776 in order to get it.
“She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” is a MASSIVELY DIFFERENT thing than 8775 ie she 8767 s not fat. 8776 One realizes their partner actually loves them when you do and when you dont look like the chick on a magazine cover. When don 8767 t like it when their woman has let herself go if she 8767 s put on weight and is therefore feeling sh*tty about it, and rocks sweats and no makeup all the time. If she 8767 s only confident, herself, active and 8775 beautiful 8776 for herself when she 8767 s skinny then he 8767 s only gonna like her when she 8767 s skinny. If she dresses according to her new size and keeps up her style, her energy and self confidence he 8767 ll like her when she 8767 s heavy too.
Thank you for this article, for being so open and candid. I have been on various ends of the spectrum from skinny to fat to thick to fat and back to somewhere in between again. Although I have thought about it many times, I 8767 ve realized there are different men attracted to me at various weights. There are the brothers who have commented even AFTER they began to date me that my weight was an issue nothing had changed, no extra pounds gained. I think they just got comfortable and kicked to the curb ultimately. I have just reached a point in my life where a person needs to take me where I am. Not that I won 8767 t improve, or slim down, or be curvier or whatever, but I am a work in progress as we all are.
And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners. The number will usually total up to no more than 7 or 8 mind you. Those stories ring hollow, because they ultimately amount to a futile attempt to amass enough exceptions to disprove the rule. Moreover, perhaps folks aren’t considering that the partner-less fat girls simply remain invisible to you, and the thick girls with guys are visible, precisely because they are an anomaly.
I 8767 m a 69/66 and I 8767 m trying to lose weight myself. I don 8767 t want to be skinny (my ideal weight is a size 67), but I 8767 m not happy with the size I 8767 m at now. But I don 8767 t think weight has been an issue with my dating I think it 8767 s because I 8767 m a nontraditional, forward-thinking woman who 8767 s assertive in my career and personal goals and not trying to conform to society 8767 s expectations. That both attracts and scares the SHIT out of most men, and I think that would be the case even if I had Serena Williams 8767 body.More images «Fat men dating»
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