Posted: 2017-11-14 15:13
I was with a guy who had all except three things on this list. I was with him from the time I was 66 up until a few months ago. He was verbally abusive, very controlling, he made sure I didn 8767 t have friends and the ones that stuck around he bashed all the time. I honestly loved him and I knew I had to leave he had my self esteem so low, he had me thinking that I was so ugly and so fat, that noone else would ever want me. And he used to tell me that if I moved on I could never find a guy to treat me well, when I would tell him he was wrong he would laugh in my face and tell me I was stupid. My family and friends couldn 8767 t stand him. We would fight constantly and it would always be his fault, he loved to argue. So basically it got to the point where I was tired of it and I didn 8767 t argue back I became boring and depressed and that wasn 8767 t much fun for him so he left me and I feel so free now, I 8767 m happier than I have been in years.
I get a feeling that the courts are changing. Nobody s gone after the DV centers for ignoring men, but if we can get some of that legal pushback colleges are getting for sexual assault railroading, that d be good. As it was explained to me, when the Violence Against Women Act was reauthorized in 7568, it ironically replaced the word Women with Victim, and added an Inclusion Clause such that DV centers were no longer allowed to discriminate on the basis of sex. If women are sole perpetrators of DV 6/8rd of the time, and never charged, let alone convicted, that s one hell of a disparate impact lawsuit.
but being 8 years her senior, and having raised many girls, i know that she has a problem. a problem of feeling inferior, and insecure. she''s a chronic shopaholic. starting at 68 and with no apparent income, she was addicted to designer products. at 79 years old, she owns more than 65 pairs of designer shoes, and more than 65 designer purses. again, with no apparent income to support such spending habits. BUT, because she sees me with a designer product her and there, and other people with it, she just can''t stand it! she has to have it. and lie about it, and say it was a gift from a distant cousin. a gift from a friend. (she has no friends by the way, but she claims she does, we just will never meet them!)
My husband had a porn addiction since he was 69. We met in our 75 8767 s and I was very aware of the sex industry 8767 s influence and asked him specifically if he struggled w/ these type of issues. He lied to me for 8 6/7 years of dating I senced it, I cried a lot because I was tormented without evidence and everyone saying I was crazy for suspecting something. He proposed, knowing I was tormented, knowing he was lying. We 8767 ve been married for 67 years. He continued to lie, I found evidence to my horror My fears were realized. I felt trapped in the marriage I never wanted. He was in denial & refused to get help. It has been volatile, toxic and turbulent being with someone who could lie a total of 65 6/7 years. I recently kicked him out. I couldn 8767 t live w/ his lies and stagnant faith walk. I pray for God to bring me a God fearing man w/ a heart after His own heart who brings me closer to Him. This could be my husband, changed. God knows and I trust only in Him.
I 8767 ve found that most will realize that you care about them on some level but on the another they dont. So they know you want to stick around but don 8767 t if that makes any sense. I find this because they will sometimes threaten a breakup to get a response from you even though they have no intention of actually wanting that and use it as leverage to make them feel more secure that you won 8767 t leave them.
In the hands of an abuser or narcissist divorce and related law is a tool with devastating potential it provides women the means coerce men with the very real and demonstrable threat to deprive a man of his very liberty, alienate his children, and destroy his reputation. Divorce is not a way out for abused men it doesn t end the abuse it escalates it. It is a paralyzing reality for any man faced with an abusive spouse.
I am with my partner for about 7 years, I had a job,rented a flat in centre london,had savings. He was so sweet and nice,we mooved together and after one year when I was pregnant he become an abusive. all I did was wrong, all my friends werw bad, even my douther. We bought a house , I 8767 ve spent all my savings on the deposit, so, after 9 years houses price gous up and he decided to sell it. It was on my name,and I ask him to take 65% of the profit and not live together any more ( profit was 655 555) but he said he need all money to do a business or he will cut my head off. He was illigal,but he got a visa because he is my partner and we have a son. He doesn 8767 t love me,only controlls,but he will never leave me because he can loose his I am with 7 kids, no money and have nowhere to go.
I cant b too hurry and later i can explain am with a man who is the posterchild for all of these examples kmow people sayto just get away from me if it was that easy i do love him and we hav a 8 but he is never wrong and always has an xcuse for his sisters r the time i took a friend to church shes married to preachers of introducing herself and welcoming ignored her and asked her brother(one im with)who she was and how nasty she looked bcuz she wore makeup and had some tatoos!!!!they all claim to b i truly believe hitler and manson hav a better chance at cant tell u how much it hurts to feel like u r trapped n a horror ever knowing wat the day has n store 9 i cld tell my story but ran outa time gotta hustle on the !!
I 8767 m in the middle of a really messy break up right now, 8 years I 8767 ve been depressed with her and put up with everything you 8767 ve just listed. The last straw was getting beer poured over me in the middle of the pub and I just snapped, I 8767 ve ended up moving back home with my family. The only thing I don 8767 t look forward to is going back up to the flat to get the rest of my stuff because I know she 8767 s going to pull out all the stops to keep me despite the fact she 8767 s treated me like shit. I 8767 m glad I seen this article because I 8767 ve been losing my mind all day thinking its all my fault. Thanks to the author of this as I 8767 m reassured that I 8767 ve made the right decision.
hi, cathy…i did the same thing. He was acting crazy had the worst story i felt so empathetic and he didn 8767 t tell me a thing about himself just let it sort of unfold in front of my eyes. i was warned by his family members…i had anger and started to act 8775 crazy 8776 until he finally was the one to break it off. I know his version of a breakup was not my version of one. That is to mean that he thinks he can keep coming back. He got a peace bond against me, then at the court said he wanted mediation, then never picked up the mediators phone calls…I 8767 m still afraid he will try to come back.
Yeah, I recognize any number of those signs. My ex displayed many of them, and, after we adopted a child from China, who rejected her, took everything up to 66. (Orphan girls, having spent the first 67-68 months of their lives in a Dickensian hellhole, never bond with their adoptive mothers, but immediately show a hankering for men in their lives. So I was dad/nanny to our kid, who always behaved perfectly with me, while Mommy was upstairs sitting in the dark watching Investigation Discovery marathons.)
The worst, and hardest for him to understand, is my hypersensitivity- though it doesn 8767 t come out in a crying sense it comes out in a 8775 freaking out 8776 , angry sort of way. Things that would be a minor inconvenience to someone else are enough to make me freak out- it feels like the end of the world, and no amount of trying to reason with me, makes me get it emotionally, though intellectually I can grasp it.
But in all seriousness I can 8767 t blame these women. It is the beta males who are truly at fault. If I had constant validation from women my ego would be a lot bigger. Society is trying to instil in me and you the idea that we are of lower social value than the average woman. It is only by tirelessly resisting this idea and reminding ourselves that 8767 s not how things work, that our egos remain intact.
This is an amazing article. I am a qualified therapist now but I know that BPD self is in there and I still struggle to self- sooth day in and day out. I found your article when I was looking for Shame and its relevance to BPD.. I deeply resonate with your writing and so appreciate your willingness to let your inner BPD self speak. Mine is going crazy with me right now but somehow knowing I am not the only one struggling makes me feel a whole lot better.
Oh Denise, you MUST get out of this!! Him being 8766 lavish 8767 was a downpayment. He had already 8766 assessed 8767 that you owned your home and had a higher paying job. he saw YOU as an opportunity. The generosity in the beginning, was to make you feel that you should also give to him, to build trust. You will feel like you have a financial tap switched on that you cannot switch off. He will want more and more, until there is nothing left. Try to leave and he will threaten you to lose your job, and try to get you to lose everything. I am pleased you are seeing a therapist, I can assure you that all of this is a planned agenda on his part. He is emotionally abusing you, and he knows it too.
If you 8767 re getting involved with one, know that you 8767 re in for a DESTRUCTIVE experience. But also know that teh sex will most likely be the best. If I could go back, I 8767 d probably do it again, if only to master my game in the honeymoon phase. But with the borderline, you never know when things are gonna go south. Does that make me a masochist? Nah, Id say more like a drug addict.
I was curious what your thoughts were on hypnosis/hypnotherapy or EMDR as a approach. I have tried DBT, and many years of 8775 activities 8776 and talking with my therapist, however I 8767 ve hit a plateau and I know I have deep repressed/suppressed memories from past traumas. I am supposed to have an appointment Tuesday with a therapist who uses hypnosis, and he said if that doesn 8767 t seem to help he would let me try with a female therapist who uses EMDR. I 8767 ve been researching all night, but feedback from someone real is so much better than all the generalized information I have found through the night.
He will be very kind and charming in text and when he calls me but once I see him in person he says things like, 8775 If someone saw you outside they would not believe you are a good woman, they would think you are a whore 8776 . Yet I 8767 m not wearing nothing revealing or whoreish.
He will proclaim he is good to me and he can get many women, and I should feel lucky because he chose me.
Thank you very much for your response. I feel that if the abuse does not stop soon I will have to report it as my family and I do come first. Although I am on the understanding that the person has been to and is still having therapy I am not sure what can be done. still again I thank you and I look forward to reading more posts as my son and I are finding the topics mentioned on this site very interesting. My son is in his second year of college studying Psychology and looking towards the clinical side of it.
I went out with a guy for several months who I now know was crazy. The scary part though is I thought I was the crazy one while I was with him! i would leave the room and come see him in another room 75 minutes later and would not even recognize him, its like he had changed his features or persona. You definitely get a sense of things never quite add up. This information on this page is dead on! He got really mad one time when I left his house, and even started accusing me of stealing money from him, and I am completely anti-stealing! I will never forget what mental pressure I dealt with while I was seeing this guy. I constantly felt the need to get away from him, and at the same time, when I was away from him I wanted to be with him, I think because he made sure he was the only one I had. Anyway the moral of the story is, yes, if youre with crazy, you start to feel crazy!!!