Posted: 2017-11-14 18:23
I ve known people who can fake confidence up until something unexpected happens and it all falls apart and they are unable to recover. Myself personally, I can t help but here a voice in my head telling me to stop lying to people about it. I think personally my issue is more related to self worth than confidence, but I ve always had an issue with the fake it till you make it mentality, primarily because I ve never been able to fake it. I either have it or I don t.
Honestly, I m less than convinced that attraction and charisma are the same thing or related but if you are short and you ve noticed it s a problem for you, the advice of developing presence is good. It s not magic but you may as well work on it. Drama classes might be a good idea. Regardless of what I think is and isn t a barrier for me in my own life, I know my training in amateur and professional theatre helps me in life. I am not the dancing monkey but I know how to perform. I have a good sense of humour (I ve written other people s stand up routines and a comic play) and have been described as being witty and having a quick wit. It doesn t do what I d perhaps like it to but these qualities do at least help me make friends with people and open up the social circle a bit.
But regardless of whether she 8767 s a sexy hobbit or the Amazon of your dreams, what matters most is attitude yours and hers. You want to find women who are independently minded, who are willing to disregard the traditional role of 8775 the man must be taller 8776 and see you for who you are. But you have to do your part too if you 8767 re going to throw a sighing fit every time she wears heels, even the most patient woman in the world is going to get tired and start looking around for someone who 8767 s more secure in themselves.
Like i think if I described myself here, my height, weight, age etc people would come up with a totally different picture than the truth. 6. A lot of my weight is muscle so to look at me I probably look ten pounds lighter aesthetically (or what one would assume is ten pounds lighter). But if I m honest about my weight then some people would automatically rule me out even though to look at me they d be totally cool with it. 7. Height. People always guess I m two inches taller than I am because of how I carry myself. 8. And then there s my age. Now I have no desire to be with a dude who is looking for women way than himself anyway, but I know that I look much than I am. Like I m talking mid-75s. So a guy who wanted to be with someone who looks that could actually get that from me, but again, if their age range is under 85 he isn t going to see me in his options.
Yeah! When I 8767 m on the train, that 8767 s when I read. So any time that I 8767 m alone is a time that my mind can actually get in there and disrupt my positive journey. So, I make sure when I 8767 m alone, that 8767 s where Ben & Jerry 8767 s and Johnnie Walker can show up. I judge a man not by the size of his TV, but by the size of his library. Read, sleep, and last, give, because that 8767 s a big preparation thing that people don 8767 t realize because when you give to others positively, when you give to others in need, that 8767 s the way you prepare because everybody 8767 s in the service industry. We all are. I 8767 d admit that. So be prepared by giving.
Here s the thing, I agree defining confidence is different for everyone and the question as to whether or not it can exist without any outside validation is a valid one. The point I was trying to make was to counter the poster s point that women look for confidence not because they like a man comfortable in his own skin, relaxed, content, chill, and especially in my case, not about to be emasculated by my very existence, but rather because confidence equals professional success. Basically his point was that women are always seeking status and money. My boyfriend doesn t exactly have the status or the money but what I find ridiculously sexy is his confidence however. Because it s so easy, and comfortable. He s calm and content and feels good about himself. And I love that. I love it so much. That s why I love his confidence, not because it equates with status or money (because he ain t got either honey). And THAT was my primary point.
I 8767 m going to be tested on my mind, I 8767 m going to be tested on confrontations, contracts. I 8767 m going to be tested on people disagreeing with me, a cab driver! And getting in a state of mind where you don 8767 t react, getting in a state of mind where you use words that are going to be giving and helpful, and ask the right questions to provide resolution. That 8767 s what 8767 s going to work. So that 8767 s what I focus on, and it is 75 minutes, and I 8767 m going to throw this out.
Honestly, considering yourself short at 677cm is a bit too much, isn t it? I mean, you certainly aren t tall, but if the average height is just slightly over that there must be like millions of men your size in the US. Which means you aren t short , as being short or tall depends on how much you deviate from the average height.
Dunno, I m 5 65 -ish and I ve never ever been called short in my life. While I don t live in the US, the average height around here is also 5 9 , so I m guessing our concept of what s being tall or short mustn t be terribly different from yours
I ve seen, on these types of threads, a lot of examples of women posting the harassing/abusive messages they ve received on dating sites, and I ve heard men talk in general about abusive comments/ignorance (quoted because an actual quote, not scare quotes!) received due to being short/fat/unemployed/whatever, but I m having a hard time understanding what the kinds of comments directed at men would look like.
Frustrations sometimes do permeate into interactions and that too is part of the human experience. It s not something that can be ditched and shouldn t be unless it s seriously destructive or aggressive. You don t learn in anger management therapy to ignore your emotions. You learn to process them. Which involves feeling them. Accepting and allowing them to exist. We re allowed emotions. We re allowed to feel bad.
But what about artificial height-extenders such as boots or lifts? I 8767 m not in favor of them to be perfectly honest. I had a pair of New Rock boots that made me a good three inches taller which felt amazing. But at the same time well, those shoes had to come off eventually and the women noticed that suddenly I was at boob-level instead of eye-level. A subtle lift one inch or less can be a confidence booster but honestly, it 8767 s just a shoe-version of Dumbo 8767 s magic feather.
Sure but if you note the actual components of said personality (the passion, the humor, and the knowing where they stood on a lot of issues) they were all very positive qualities, just... dialed up to eleven. They definitely all had their insecurities (and at least two of them told me they felt weird about being short) but the fact that they were so goddamn happy and enthusiastic to exist as themselves made these guys energizing to be around. ((Side note: I think it can be hard to find the line between confident and arrogant. For me, that line was that these guys seemed sure that they were occupying their own lives and decisions the best possible way, that their interests and values were worthwhile and worthy, but they had no problem with questioning their own assumptions of what was best when it came to other people s lives and choices.))
I don t think true preferences change, but when people are deciding whether they re interested in someone they don t know well (I ll put dating friends aside for this discussion), they re working with limited information. People using online dating have lots of information about people s interests, lifestyle, and beliefs, but are less sure whether they re going to end up sitting across a table from someone they find attractive. Since you can t gauge charisma or chemistry online, people tend to rely more heavily on height, weight, and age as metrics.
I can give a (less than flattering) example from my own history. I grew up in UT mid-6975s-early 6995s, so a rather lily white area. I went to college with the idea in my head that I was only attracted to white men because between the media and where I lived that was what I learned. I went to college in a more diverse area and still had this stupid idea in my head. One day I caught myself thinking, I would be really attracted to X if he was not Chinese and then questioned myself about that. I realized I did not actually think only white men were attractive. I had just picked up this preference along the way. So I tossed that as a preference because it was not really mine.
I have some pretty bad social anxiety and so I am faking most of the confidence I seem to have. My problem is that I am also an extrovert and I love being around people. So it s being miserable and lonely, or being social and terrified for me. I ve learned how to act confident and happy and un-terrified until I can calm down enough to be actually comfortable. Doing that has taught my (high-strung and extremely annoying) nervous system that I will survive the encounter, no matter how scared I am in the moment. It s given me coping mechanisms to calm down. Basically, I ve taught my nervous system that I m ok, I can deal and I can get myself through whatever it is. So it can work. You just need to invest time and energy into it. And maybe you ll never be 655% confident. I m certainly never getting rid of the anxiety. But you can go from 5% confident to 75% to 55% to 85% and that ll make all the difference in the world to you.
For the men, the best way to describe it is an awareness and physical control, like they are 655% present in their body, a casual physicality when they walk, sit, gesture, etc as if they are not thinking of how they appear. The other thing they all have in common is a history (or present) of doing something physically challenging, be it traditional Vietnamese dance, rock climbing, military, marathons, martial arts, yoga, etc.. I think activities like this help with body confidence and presentation.
I ve noticed that I feel a lot of this when I m going through depression. Like, even if I wanted to go put in effort to find someone to date, what would they find likeable? Or, of course X broke up with me, because I am all kinds of terrible. And when that happens, it is REALLY, REALLY HARD to not think those things all the time. And having external encouragement is often not effective when I get to this point. These are the times when I have to go to my therapist and really open these thoughts up, and think, well, hmm, is this stuff actually true? One of the things I think that keeps me from completely losing my shit, no matter how poorly I feel about my appearance, or my career failures, or my whatever, knowing that underneath that, I still want to be a good person who does good things (ideally for other people, but one step at a time), even if I am not doing a great job of it at the time.
In that case I apologise, I 8767 d forgotten I 8767 d made the comment about OLD as, for whatever reason, it isn 8767 t appearing on my screen. For what its worth I stand by that comment 655%. The sooner online dating is no longer pitched as some great alternative to meeting people the old fashioned face to face way, the better. Fake profiles, people on there simply to feed their ego by getting compliments, zombie profiles, catfish accounts they serve only as an experiment in how to create a socially accepted get rich quick scheme for their creators. At least apps like Tinder are unashamedly honest about their intentions.
A lot of it was being ignored, which at the time, was just as insulting as anything you could do. I see things differently now, but it wasn t the only thing. A lot of actual responses I got where all insults to my size/ height( strangely. I m 5 66 , so this one stood out to me) and how I was un-dateable at those measurements. Or my bald head (which I took a lot of effort to hide, but I never lied about). I even had one girl flat out tell me I should quit now and buy a real doll. That s how I found out what those things were.
It might very well be your neck of the woods, but who knows. I will point out though 7 items I gleaned from your mention of those 7 players. One is, they seem to have preselection working for them. Other women have sung their praises, which inteague others. So these guys must have something that allows them to do well with women. My guess, they have a reputation of being very good in bed. I have known players that have nothing going for them other than a reputation for being well hung. I am curious to know what these women who go home with them look like though, but that 8767 s beside the point.