Posted: 2017-11-14 08:25
So he's left school/college, has no job, and has no intentions of getting one either.. This guy is more than happy to sign on each month, and get paid to drive around in his Passat, creeping 67 year olds. He doesn't have a plan in life, or hasn't set any goals. I can't stand not knowing where things are going, and I like to plan things ahead.. It's a big turn off when you could work your ass off all day and come home to him sitting in front of the Xbox..where you left him 7 hours earlier.. playing Call of Duty in the dark. #inspiring
Now, first of all, I want to make it crystal clear: you are not alone. Women, on the whole, are far more discerning than men when it comes to physical attraction . In the linked OkCupid study, women think that 85% of men are BELOW average in attractiveness, when, in a normal distribution, that number should be 55%. I’m not going to say whether these women are right, although THEY certainly feel they are. I will say that men, for all their flaws, are equal opportunity daters in a way that women are not. While they will still lust for the hottest woman around, they’ll ultimately marry someone in their league, which, empirically, is not always that attractive.
Thank you. I need to see more of this right now. I went on a first date and second date these last two Saturdays. I agreed to go out with him because he looked like a nice guy, and I figured I would be attracted to him if I fell in love with him. Compatibility-wise, it seems just fine (eHarmony got one right, but so far just one). He is wildly attracted to me and is treating me like his dream girl. In fact, you should have heard the long list of things he rattled off for his reason for liking me. So, I 8767 m giving him the opportunity to make me fall in love with him. Unfortunately for him, I 8767 ve hit that stage where I 8767 m nitpicking him and questioning whether I want to do this. I 8767 m also not attracted to most guys on sight, so I keep telling myself: it 8767 s been only one week. He is still contacting me, even after telling him my boundaries with sex. There are no red flags. Just let him do his thing. I 8767 ll give it a few weeks.
You know what I did? I started to look for other qualities IF the attraction is at least a 6. I realize that we can 8767 t always have it all and finally, I am okay with that. But, I still have to be able to have the ability to want to kiss you and I have to be able to at least fathom that you can touch me without me being grossed out. I realize that chemistry is overratted but we need a healthy amount of it. Shucks, my ex husband was the quintessential 6 8767 9 8798 pretty boy and obviously it did not work out. However, I must admit, that if the physical attraction is not intense, he has to have a heck of a personality and has to score higher on other qualities.
This seems to be the trend but it doesn 8767 t explain all the cute girls featuring ugly men as dates/boyfriends out there. However, I did notice one thing yesterday in San Diego, women paired with ugly men do check out better looking guys when they spot them, especially with other women and you can tell they might be thinking, what am I doing with this dud when I could have THAT?
Many times women are with ugly men because the good-looking ones are taken or are gay.
Just like the OP though, there are men who cannot date unattractive women. I am one of them.
Some guys big themselves up so much that it would appear they’re trying to prove to themselves that they’re a good catch. We’ve heard about how amazing your job is, how much money you’re earning, how hot your exes were, how everyone loves you. Now time to talk about ourselves nope, because you haven’t finished bigging up your car and your house and your hilarious personality (erm, really?). Do you think that all this bragging will make us overlook the fact that you’re so boring? Being egotistical won’t make the ladies stick around so employ a bit of modesty and try asking questions about us rather than blabbing about yourself all the time.
Most people I talked to, said this was a major issue. I suppose you can see why, If you looked down and saw A 78-year-old guy in a pair of dirty Air Max Runners, what would you think? Being well dressed is very important, your clothes and your style say a lot about you.. Dirty penneys recession shoes (machine washable) would make you wonder what the rest of their wardrobe consists of, and Adidas trackies with burn holes in the middle just SCREAMS walk away..
I happen to be lucky enough to be dating one of those guys that looked hot to me from the moment I saw him. And he 8767 s a warm-hearted good guy too. But because guys with those looks are in the minority, they 8767 re quite coveted as partners, and I think if SG had a hot boyfriend, her mind (which is already not the healthiest) would go into insecure overdrive. (I know because on tests on attachment styles, I score Very high on being secure, yet even I occasionally feel insecure about dating a hot guy). Basically Evan is right about her needing some time of counselling or other psychological help because with this mindset, it 8767 s really hard for her to achieve happiness, whether she 8767 s dating a hot guy (by her very stringent criteria) or not.
The guys with their arms around girls just remind me guys used to come up and ask if they could have their photo taken with us. Struck me as odd at the time but not outside the realm of possibility (I used to work at events), now I know where those photos went. Having women in photos is in the 8775 pick up artist 8776 online profile photos list. Same as 8775 alpha male 8776 action shots of them commanding a room, doing something extreme or posing with status symbols.
Years ago, when in a long self imposed dry spell, as I began to think about coming out if it, I realized that I didn 8767 t find moat men who I felt were in my league attractive. I made it a point to look at men and find at least one thing physically or otherwise attractive about them. It might have been nice hands, nice hair, a good voice, a sweet personality, a good laugh, the way he walked, a nice butt in jeans, whatever. Over time this exercise led me to finding something attractive about most men, enough that I could give them a chance. It made all the difference in the world. It also made a difference to 8775 want 8776 to be more inclusive and open-minded.
Since you've dated hot people before, you might have noticed something: really hot people tend to have weird personalities. It's not their fault. The lives of gorgeous people, specifically gorgeous women, are filled with psychological nonsense. Regardless of gender, centerfold-beauty types are showered by an inordinate amount of affection. People can't act normal around them from spouting off ridiculous nonsense to walking into stationary objects while staring at them. Moreover, given that everyone lavishes praise on their beauty all the time, it can become hard for them to remember if they have any other worth as a human. And all of that attention is intoxicating, even if they hate it.
I had a similar problem & decided to take a break from dating to reassess what I really wanted in life & to get my career on track. After that self-imposed dry spell I came back to the dating world. I too had always been pursued by many guys throughout the years. That 8767 s why the self-imposed break from dating was so important to get used to saying no thanks to the wrong ones & to learn to appreciate the right ones. I turned down a number of really good guys. One thing that really helped me to get on the right track was learning from this blog that my pool of available dates was made up of those that are actually attracted to me. It doesn 8767 t matter that I only find the most attractive guys of interest if they aren 8767 t interested in me then they aren 8767 t an option. The next step was to learn to pick & appreciate the really good guys. This was tough as I did have to accept scaling back in the chemistry department. I 8767 ve found it to have been a totally worthwhile exercise & have now been married to one of the nicest guys I know for over two years.
I think its unfair of you to say that these women see the worst in themselves and as a result see the worst in potential partners. But I will say that they have somehow been emotionally conditioned or programmed to feel the way they do and that a lot of it has to do with their early life experiences with significant males in their lives. It has more to do with fear and a lack of trust. For the most part, I feel like many of the responses in this posting have hit on several important aspects as to why women have difficulties with dating men.
Before becoming managing editor, Jeanna served as a reporter for Live Science and for about three years. Previously she was an assistant editor at Scholastic s Science World magazine. Jeanna has an English degree from Salisbury University, a Master s degree in biogeochemistry and environmental sciences from the University of Maryland, and a science journalism degree from New York University. Follow Jeanna on Google+.
While women may get an ego boost when they receive 85-655 messages in any given week, nobody really wishes to have that much admin to sift through. And when 85% of the messages are either, 8775 Hi, how 8767 re you doing? 8776 or 8775 Hey, you 8767 re hot, let 8767 s have sex, 8776 you can 8767 t really blame them for not responding to most messages—even if you personalize your mails.
Thing is what 8767 s most irritating about it is not only do those sort of profiles jam up my inbox with 8775 can 8767 t blame me for trying 8776 , but when I searched I had to click through 65-75 pages of search results before I found anything worth clicking on much less someone I 8767 d consider messaging. I gave up searching some time ago (and by extension sending out first messages) because of it. It 8767 s in the context of dating too so in the back of your mind 8775 would you sleep with this man? 8776 is there while you 8767 re flicking through profiles of men whose photos make you cringe, the skin crawl factor does knock the edge off your drive. I know it put me right off and my online presence is now a long way down my list of priorities for the sake of maintaining some kind of interest in dating.
I find the vast, vast, vast majority of men unattractive. Mostly it 8767 s that I don 8767 t have any physical attraction to them, but once in a while (about twice a year if I 8767 m on a lot of dating sites, or once every few years if I 8767 m not), I 8767 ll meet someone I actually think is good looking (a hint here is that I find most celebrities physically unattractive, apparently my sex drive is picky but I couldn 8767 t tell you why although I DO have a high sex drive ).
As to WHY this is the case my speculation (not proven, but, I think plausible) is that this is a recent phenomenon brought about by the overwhelming influence of TV, movies and lately, the Internet. Women (and men) are bombarded with pictures of good-looking actors and models, giving the impression that these stellar individuals are typical. Of course, they 8767 re not most are heavily made up, photographed from the best angle, and then Photoshopped, to make them look far better than they ever would in real life.
I can 8767 t help noticing that you often talk about this concept of 8775 leagues, 8776 and there seems to be a tinge of defensiveness around the way you discuss this. What is a 8775 league 8776 I 8767 d like to know? Aside from really obvious examples, people who are obviously on opposite ends of the spectrum like supermodels vs someone who is overweight, balding and with bad teeth, isn 8767 t attractiveness very much a matter of personal choice? Don 8767 t most people fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes, and hence isn 8767 t there quite a lot of leeway here? Also, people 8767 s personal preferences alter so much. My girlfriends and I don 8767 t at all have the same taste. My one friend likes blue eyes, I prefer brown eyes. She likes thin men, I prefer men who are well-built. Some of my guy friends prefer curvy, even chubby women. Some won 8767 t date a girl with blonde hair. I 8767 ve sometimes found a guy attractive whom no one else thought was anything to look at but he had something quirky about him. I could go on and on about the unusual and personal dynamics of attraction.
Have you come across this and do you think the reason I find so many men physically unappealing is because of something psychological? Some of my friends think it 8767 s do with the bar being raised I 8767 m quite attractive myself and I 8767 ve had a lot of attention from the opposite of sex since I was about 68, including the 8775 very good looking 8776 , so perhaps it 8767 s just knowing what I could have and that that 8767 s influencing me?