Posted: 2017-10-17 13:38
I'm college educated with 7 degrees and a terrific job. I make just under $655k per year, have one grown son with an engineering degree. I'm not overweight, and work out everyday for at least an hour. Hiking in nature preserves in Florida is fun, having lunch overlooking the ocean, I'm a vegan, a good cook, and talent. Can't get a decent date. I don't like being attacked on the first date and believe intimacy between two people who love each other is best. I'm interested in hard working men who need someone. An average guy will do. But hard to find.
Must have been 68 years ago I had to work up my lack of courage and dared to ask an African-American women who happened to be my co-worker out on a date. She agreed and we had a great time. (Despite the waitress spilling an entire pitcher of lemonade on me. The restaurant picked up the tab for the shirt cleaning.) I learned much about myself and prejudging that day. I say, have to take the chance and enjoy the possibilities. Would I do it again? Without hesitation.
As far as attractive women not responding to messages - the anonymity of the keyboard and screen have emboldened hordes of men to approach these women, when in the past the scummy ones would've just been the guy in the corner of the bar staring, the guy randomly bumping and grinding on women on the dancefloor, but their masses would've been guys just sitting at home, in their basement, peeling wings off flies or whatever. But the internet and online dating have bridged "desire" and "action" so that with virtually zero effort, lots of socially-maladjusted misogynist a-holes can dump their trash anywhere without the consequences they'd face trying to do it in person. So I do think that women are embittered by the vast deluge of BS they have to sift through, and it drowns the more nobly-purposed attempts.
I've yet to find a real dating site. What is missing from all these sites is the social aspect. almost has it. They have their "events", but they are few and far apart. A dating site should be where people.. wait for it.. TALK. interact, have people exchange their opinions and see if they are compatible. Hell, even have them play some games together as ice breakers. Instead of have this computer assume that just because you like Rock n Roll and she likes Jazz that you can't be together. We are a complex creature, we want to be challenged. We want to learn and get new experiences. Maybe he will love Jazz, maybe she'll love Rock. Maybe they will never love each other's music, but they will love each other because of their deep secret love for Captain Crunch cereal! However, without trying, or interacting, we will not know. Is there a risk? Of course, there is a risk at love. But, all good things come with a bit of risk after all. The faster people accept this, the faster you will find what you are looking for.
I've had the same experience as you've said. I don't understand it. They keep ignoring everything I say to them about myself. They become fixated on the picture, even though my profile says I don't think I'm wonderful and my hair looks awful. They don't read it at all. I'm a whole person and this is wasting my time. I'm still at home on a Saturday night. If I'm that gorgeous (I don't think I am), why aren't they asking me out? I've tried to prompt them and get nowhere. Are they shy? Are they feeling inadequate? I can deal with that if the person is interested. If you can't get past that to find out, then I give up.
Also I can attest to the fact that I currently hold an account on okcupid. I am currently looking for a partner. I have also chosen to abstain from competition regarding wealth and power and instead am attempting to find a place on the fringes of society where I can be myself without harming others. I own very little, earn very little, and struggle to find women willing to get to know someone in my societal position as a potential partner.
I dated a Liberal woman and no conflicts arose from our political differences. I find it troubling you wouldn't even want to be friends with someone who would vote for Trump, or even someone who wouldn't be friends with another who voted for Hillary. You sound grossly intolerant of other people's views. You should be open to people with differing views than your own, otherwise you will fall into engaging in groupthink and confirmation bias. In other words, you will not learn much in this world seeking out people who will just agree and affirm your opinions on life. You grow by seeking those out who can show you a different perspective. In my experience, I've found people like you frustrating to say the least.
Eric: It&rsquo s not. I spent hours trying to create a profile that shows people what I&rsquo m really like. No dice. Sure, I get a lot of profile &ldquo views&rdquo , but no messages. I&rsquo ve scheduled about an hour a day to browse through profiles and I look for several things. Most importantly is that she likes doing similar things that I do. Secondly of course is that the profile gives me some feeling that there could be chemistry.
I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don't see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn't a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.
The technology is not the problem. The same thing exists whether online or off. For example, Eric's major problem is attempting to present himself as a "nice guy" even it happens that he is one. Single females are not looking for him. They want the guy who will treat them poorly, beat them physically or emotionally, imprison them without bars, enslave them without chains, etc. The only ones looking for the nice guy are already married to the bad boy who have done the above and only now realize that isn't what they should have been looking for. I have watched the same thing over and over again for decades. That aspect of the game has never changed, only the venue from face-to-face meetings in bars, clubs, schools and other physical locations and events to Match and eHarmony.
My other experience with online dating is that black men announce there pockets and material things before they tell you anything of importance about themselves. Every message I received was some brother telling me that he had a good job, a nice car, and his own place. Umm sir, that isn 8767 t an option, it 8767 s a requirement! Your profile says you 8767 re 85+, you better have all 8 of these things for you are grown and we live in an area were public transportation is used to go to work if you have a vehicle or it is your transportation because you do not have a vehicle. Driving is how you can get outside of the city and it 8767 s kind of necessary to have a car. If you do not have a car, something ain 8767 t right lol. Fellas are the stereotypes that bad? If they are, why do you play into them? How many women walk around saying, 8775 Hello my name is Jackie and I have a good job, a nice car, and my own place. What do you do? 8776 O_o?
Online dating really only works for exactly the sort of audience that already has plenty of other dating options. It's great if you're relatively and in a relatively urban area and if your socioeconomic status is broadly similar to other people nearby. I suspect that it's also a good option for people outside the age range most commonly acceptable to a site's users, though that's outside my experience.
In all reality, the odds are FAR better to actually meet someone at a bar, as much as we say we hate it. Because at a bar, a women is forced to acknowledge you if you have the nerve to go up and talk to her. Sure, she can still dismiss you and shut you down (or worse embarrass you). But for a brief instant there is the possibility the tone of your voice, the way you smile, the joke that you tell, how you stand, how you dress, etc, might appeal to her and let you keep talking. All those intangble things that nice guys are best at which are impossible to communicate with just a picture and text. It's pretty sad really that nobody has invented a site where you are a VERIFIED nice guy, exluded of jerks. A safe place where women can go. Women who also are VERIFIED to be looking for what they say they are.
No no sweetheart date who you want, please do lol black men and myself arent up in arms and we arent butt hurt, why would i be??? I was just curious to why you had to keep mentioning 8775 My man is white, my man is italian, my man is white, my man is italian 8776 does that??!!?! But I know, people who feel like they have something to prove to others and I know you want to think Im only attacking Black women with that, but you know Im not because I CLEARLY called out black men that do the same thing, thinking dating or messing with another race is the 8775 HOLY GRAIL 8776 or the 8775 RESURRECTION OF CHRIST 8776 . Chick please!! Get your mind right..
LOL, Yes some black men do that so I been told by my lady friends. those are usually the 8775 first-generationals 8776 so I call them, they are the first generation in there family to go to college and do something with there life and they are the jokers that never had or seen anything nice in there whole D*MN life and they finally made it lol, so they feel the need to brag about what they have and do for a living to get is usually a fail! But women do the same thing, trust and believe.. but the quality men/women out there that are secured within themselves dont need to do that I NEVER put my job nor my salary or what I drive or ANYTHING status driven on dating sites for the simple reason, I DO NOT want to attract a woman thats just into me because of what I have or do.. I usually dumb down everything to see what I attract, even though I know I probably make and have more then 95% of the people on dating sites as a whole, its not necessary to talk about those things because they are ALL BASIC by a certain age.
Online dating is ridiculous for men. My day starts with rejection and ends with rejection. Women are too worried about a mans exterior appearance that it blinds them to everything else. I've been doing online dating for a few years now and have met some women, but most of the messages I receive are from women I'm not physically attracted to. After talking with buddies women seem to ignore every man, so who are they talking to? Online dating isn't just harder for men, it's much harder. It's men doing the vast majority of work and women sitting there filtering thru and rejecting all the nice guys that she complains about not existing.
Your definition of a 8775 top quality woman 8776 most likely varies from other men 8767 s definition. And no, they can 8767 t/ don 8767 t strive to 8775 get 8776 men from just walking down the street. IMO, top quality women know their worth and know where to meet top quality men. There are a lot of professional men and women on these sites because they either want to meet someone but don 8767 t come across a lot of good options during their days (my reason) or they want to broaden their horizons and meet men who they typically wouldn 8767 t have met from 8775 walking down the street 8776 , as you say.
I just deleted my profile on OKCupid and I'll tell you received many messages from men, some creepy 'hey Baby blah blah blah, some down right offensive, the few that warranted responses, very few I might add, became a back and forth of messaging, I do not understand if the purpose is to meet in person and find if there's any chemistry why the back and forth messaging? Seems that a lot of men are quite happy to remain behind a screen and those who are up to meeting right away are seeking sex..which is funny really because a woman could go out pretty much any night of the week to a bar and get sex if that's all she certainly don't need to go online for sex. One man messaged me and stated he found my profile interesting that we had much in common, we messaged back and forth and then he asked for my cell so we could was 7 weeks ago, never heard from him, it's like why bother?
What I look for in a man could be called quite old fashioned all I really wish for is for the man to be masculine, responsible and only to have his eyes for me. I do like the thought of having a strong man by my side, to be my lover, best friend and a protector of our nest that we will possibly build over the years. I like the traditional way of life, where woman is responsible for cooking home meals and the man stays out of the kitchen otherwise too much mess will be made and every utensil will be used. Do you know what I am talking about? The difference between a man and a woman cooking in the kitchen? I hope you are smiling now, like I am right now!
Beautiful:(Gabrielle Union, Zoe Saldano, Rochelle Aytes) I find myself staring at you. You don 8767 t need makeup for you are naturally gorgeous. You can wear anything and look great. Not only are you attractive physically, but your spirit speaks to me as well. You make me want to be a better man for you. I can hold/cuddle you and think pure good intention thoughts. I 8767 ll buy you flowers just because it 8767 s Tuesday and you deserve them. I bring you around my family to brag.