Posted: 2017-11-14 13:36
Also, some of the messages I got were from a few guys that ranged from early 95&rsquo s to late 95&rsquo s and I was maybe 69 at the time. That was one of the main reasons I called it quits. It made me SO uncomfortable that guys so much older than me, older than most of my siblings (all of which are 8 years plus older than me), were sending me messages telling me that I was &ldquo hot&rdquo . I am getting terribly uncomfortable just thinking about it.
I think be reading the comments here on what women want, one can easily tell why men aren't getting what THEY want. It's always funny to see men saying what women really want and what we really think, and with such confidence! Oh, the laughs. Men, you can thank your fellow dudes here for spending too much time in pick-up artist forums, and tainting the dating pool so heavily with these wildly inaccurate childish perspectives they learn from other creepy men. Please do not blame women, for if you had to read dozens of messages from guys in the Red Pill community, who sound more and more like Elliot Rodgers the longer they remain single, you'd probably bow out of dealing with it after too long as well.
Eric: Yes. Stop ignoring all of us. You know, guys get accused a lot of being superficial and basing everything on looks, but I can&rsquo t help thinking that most of these women just file quickly through a guy&rsquo s photos and then fly right on to the next one without actually getting to know what the guy is like. It&rsquo s so frustrating, because you know, I think a lot of really nice guys out there could make for amazing boyfriends who would treat these lonely, single women like they deserve to be treated. Instead, you know, I think a lot of them are still hung up on hunting for the bad boys, the smooth-talkers. I don&rsquo t know what more a nice guy can do, but I do know it would be nice if some of these women would at least give us a chance to show what we have to offer.
It's hard to drum up a lot of sympathy for the girl in the article. Yes, I totally get they are getting messaged by jerk guys sending them pictures of their junk, or sending them stupid and worthless messages asking for a hookup. Those can be creepy, and don't often happen in real life. But the other messages of older guys or losers telling them they are "hot"? That stuff happens in real life also. Older pervs hit on women all the time and loser guys hit on women in rl and tell them they are beautiful or attractive. They can handle this stuff in rl but can't handle it online? It's more disturbing for this to happen to them online than in rl? Sorry not buying it.
I've yet to find a real dating site. What is missing from all these sites is the social aspect. almost has it. They have their "events", but they are few and far apart. A dating site should be where people.. wait for it.. TALK. interact, have people exchange their opinions and see if they are compatible. Hell, even have them play some games together as ice breakers. Instead of have this computer assume that just because you like Rock n Roll and she likes Jazz that you can't be together. We are a complex creature, we want to be challenged. We want to learn and get new experiences. Maybe he will love Jazz, maybe she'll love Rock. Maybe they will never love each other's music, but they will love each other because of their deep secret love for Captain Crunch cereal! However, without trying, or interacting, we will not know. Is there a risk? Of course, there is a risk at love. But, all good things come with a bit of risk after all. The faster people accept this, the faster you will find what you are looking for.
WOW!!! That's a bit harsh isn't it? What's Ryan ever done to you apart from waste a few minutes of your time reading his article..and a few more (self-inflicted) writing your comment? That poor guy might not have all the answers but his article still provides food for thought - in my humble opinion (please please don't bite my head off for it! ). And while I had the same reaction as you, that ironically one day Ryan too might end up on a dating site, I really wish for him that he does not (because dear god it is an ugly parallel dimension!). Ryan, may your happily ever after last forever! :)
In my opinion she and he should be able to understand each other. Most people makes mistakes on this. I know few people who had broke up with their partner due to silly reasons. Another big mistake women tend to make is to show ego when talking with their friends. I had this experience at the time of my first date and totally pissed off about her. I still remember one of my friend who had dated with a girl from a matchmaking program in Toronto. They had married and lived together for about 6 months. But after that they had separated from each other due to simple issues.
What you have to realize as a guy is that weirdly enough there are literally thousands of male profiles that have handsome guys educated to doctorate level on these sites. Just take a look for yourself. This means that no woman would even consider your profile if you a) don't have a doctorate b) don't look at least 'ok' but the doctorate is the clincher. Its just as if when us guys look at profiles on these sites if there were thousands of porn star hot profiles on the site and you had some chance of having them reply to you, you wouldn't even think about wasting your time with a quite pretty girl who was really nice. Unfortunately It's as simple as that. It's not cos you or I are mean it just would be lunacy if you found a hot model liked you and you liked her to go for someone else. That is what these girls are all effectively facing from their point of view a dating site chock full of the most attractive guys so why bother on the rest. Not only that but even for the doctorate level entries they don't get women hitting on then out of the blue every 5 minutes. Try it make a fake profile and you'll see what I mean.
This will NOT seek life partners online. Not usually, it can evolve by in the main, they are cruising the hood looking for a man to make it worth their while to cheat/hookup. They can of course pretend that they're looking for romance but the comments of the guys above shows how rare that really is. No, they want my style of assertive domination. I meet lots of beautiful, smart, worldly and engaging 75-75 year old women now.. who would never have deigned to meet the NiceGuy me. And they love every moment of our interactions. No angst, no problems, no "romance."
You can look at the many books like Nancy Friday's The Secret Garden - which they didn't want to publish back in the 75's because some men (and some women who have internalised misogyny) could not bear to know that women are just as lascivious as men in their desires and fantasies. Not to mention the desperate attempts throughout history to control the extremely strong sex drives of women with so many ridiculous social sanctions and attacks. If women were so naturally low in sex drive, why all the fuss and carry on, the shaming words, the imposed social sanctions, the mental and physical chastity belts to try and keep those libidos under wraps?
I want to approach women in the real world, but I get in my own way as a shy nerdy introvert who has a roommate (read, doesn't have a private place to take a girl back to, if they were so inclined). It's a lie that there's someone out there for everyone. After all, if that were true, there wouldn't be so many lonely people out there. Guess I need to just drop the sites and focus on trying to make myself happy in life without romance.
Women want tall, fit, masculine, ambition, big dick, social competence. It's not difficult to figure out. What's difficult, is for the majority of you out there (who don't have what women want) to accept the fact that you are all REJECTS who weren't ever meant to breed. Cut your nuts off. Die. Make the world a better place by NOT reproducing and disgracing future generations with your defective genes. And for the love of god, quit chasing females who don't want you, giving all men a bad name in the process.
To clarify - we women aren’t going through our lives thinking, “Poor me, I’m so afraid of men!” Or, “all men are murderers and rapists,” either. It’s just a fact of life that is so absolutely ingrained in us from Day One that it becomes a subconscious part of our DNA. So please, try to remember things beyond your own paradigm. We will do the same for you. ? (At least the “nice, good” and worthwhile of we women will).
There are some very interesting posts here. For the ladies I would say I'm sorry that you have to put up with so many rude, insulting, crass men and their messages. Very unfortunate, but most likely the culmination of a cultural whirlwind that has swept over the land the last 55 years or so.
I typically respond to messages from women that I have no interest in and do so in a polite manner, encouraging them to stick with it as it takes time to find the right person online.
However, I don't think the online dating model is productive, for all the reasons mentioned in the posts below. And to those that say that millions of people have met and married via online dating sites, I say prove it with hard data, not conclusory statements bereft of evidence.
I think that online dating is "brutal" for both men and women, but for different reasons. Sadly for men, it is a fact that the VAST majority of online dating members on any site are men, so the odds are heavily stacked against men from the very start. For women, they get lots of messages, but pass over any that seem like nice guys and end up writing back to the losers. Women will choose "losers" over "nice guys" 99% of the time and it makes their online experience miserable.
The fact is most women don't look at online dating like a bar scene, at least not at first. They somehow think the site is brimming with their fantasy guy who is just waiting for them. Or that they can weed out all the bad apples and find Mr Right. They get a little disappointed when reality hits. Much like how so many men think online sites have hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for men to save them from lonliness.
Sorry but nope. The pretty girls on the site usually made the account for kicks and don't really care about your message because they could easily walk out their door and have someone hit on them.
My contention is that inequality and competition are the precursors of societies ills. Men mistreating women certainly but more to the point people mistreating each other for gain. It seems odd to think that men seeking a partner would act as many so often do but it is important to remember we're not dealing with intellectually compassionate equals. We're dealing with generations of people that have been bred to compete with one another and ultimately not see each other as equals but as enemies of a sort. We're not killing each other (for the most part at least within our own society) but we are competing for limited resources to our own detriment.
I read a study that says women are more picky than men. They fall for the bad boys and think they can change them for the better. In the end, they get their hearts broken because they didn't change. Again, studies has proven that dating bad boy's never ever work out. By the time they get older and wiser and go after the nice guy that they blew off. They nice guys end up blow them off. Or is taken. So in the end. To me, both sexes need to relax and stop playing the games and act like mature adults if they're any more left out there
Interesting idea, but not my experience. I get my fair share of messages.. on average, 5 a day. I'm pretty good looking by most standards, though I'm fully aware I'm not the most attractive, and I often find messages from men who are far less physically attractive than the men I've dated IRL (some of whom I've met online!) Of all the men, most find my profile interesting and say so, even if there's a blatantly obvious comment (about interests, what we're seeking, or looks) that should make it obvious that we aren't compatible. It's like they ignore it and try, anyway.
Chris - which ones have you tried? I had a friend who had terrible luck as well. He tried E-harmony and was successful. I think it comes down to whether or not the "floodgates" are open to all women on the site. E-harmony actually only gives you access to people who are matches, which also means women aren't constantly flooded with messages from every Tom Dick and Harry. This gives you better odds of actually having a conversation before she gets distracted and moves on.