Posted: 2017-11-14 21:56
I don 8767 t think everybody 8767 s 8766 worthy of flirtation, 8767 necessarily. I have a problem with society 8767 s perceived need to knock you down a peg or two when they feel like you aren 8767 t showing the requisite pitifulness for your 8766 condition, 8767 whatever it is. I know personally, I 8767 ve never fit the norm, but I 8767 ve found that it wasn 8767 t when I was hanging back that I had issues. But when I 8767 m working the room, that 8767 s when it gets testy.
If you 8767 re gonna draw dudes only when you 8767 re skinny that 8767 s pressure you 8767 re putting on yourself to make someone love you and, reaffirming the fatness = lovelessness equation. I think it comes down to the woman 8767 s personality/self-confidence, and what kind of man she 8767 s trying to get. I absolutely agree with the 8775 stable, safe, comforting 8776 big woman symbol, it 8767 s almost motherly. The slim and the active woman I guess represents action, excitement, change, mobility, daringness. Guys love that kind of thing. The conventional guy, anyway.
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Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. The homeboy of one of my homegirls happened to be in the club. Now in many ways, he was my type. Mid-height, stocky, dark-skinned, bald-headed. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. He was also a natural flirt. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me. My homegirl indicated to me at some point that I should make sure to meet him, because she thought we’d have similar interests. Not one to be shy, I did at some point attempt to strike up a conversation. He barely acknowledged me! I mean he literally didn’t look me in the eye, made no real attempt at conversation, and pretty much gave me the brush off. And starting talking to another one of my homegirls!
I 8767 m a 69/66 and I 8767 m trying to lose weight myself. I don 8767 t want to be skinny (my ideal weight is a size 67), but I 8767 m not happy with the size I 8767 m at now. But I don 8767 t think weight has been an issue with my dating I think it 8767 s because I 8767 m a nontraditional, forward-thinking woman who 8767 s assertive in my career and personal goals and not trying to conform to society 8767 s expectations. That both attracts and scares the SHIT out of most men, and I think that would be the case even if I had Serena Williams 8767 body.
This article speaks to me in so many ways, as I sit in the gym and wait on my gorgeous yet extremely expensive trainer. I am 5 8767 65 and 785lbs, dark skinned, and short hair. Weight sits on me differently but I am evidently heavy. I feel like in today 8767 s world I am on the highly undesirable list. It should be noted that I have always loved myself, would never refer to myself as fat, and thought I was amazing until I realized not many men think so.
I do get put in the friend zone constantly, or asked to be hooked up with my 5 8767 6 light skinned, fat ass w/ flat stomach, and longer haired best friend and much like the author I 8767 m the friend who usually doesn 8767 t get approached to dance or spark up conversation at bar/lounges.
Nerdy guys need love. Insecure guys who always say the wrong thing need love. Pudgy guys need love. Mamma 8767 s boys need love. Creepy guys need love. That guy you met last week in the coffee shop that you talked with about your brother 8767 s Dungeons and Dragons figurines for five minutes and now he 8767 s texting you six times a day needs love. Guys who can 8767 t fight need love. Guys who don 8767 t clean up so well need love. Socially awkward guys need love.
Thank you for your honest, self-searching post.
I have a suggestion. Take a look at the HAES site. Find out which exercises make you feel the best about yourself. Think about including more fruits and veggies in your daily eating regime. Start changing how you feel about your *health*, as opposed to your weight. You may indeed lose a bit of weight, but this way it won 8767 t come back. In other words, you 8767 ll go to your natural setpoint, and you won 8767 t end up regaining, and will keep maintaining your healthy habits, which in turn will make you feel better about yourself, which in turn will turn men on who appreciate your verve and confidence, not the number you produce in pounds when you get on a scale. These are the men who will really like you, whatever you weigh or don 8767 t weigh. Good luck and bless you.
Central Australian, western desert origin. Ovoid leaf shaped body. The front with incised decoration, the back adzed finished and has the original gum mounted peg. 85 cm
( note that this is an Australian woomera of the normal, broad type. Note also the knob on the right hand end to provide purchase, and the hook or spur on the left, possibly made from a kangaroo tooth - Don )
Photo and text: http:///
First of all, I applaud your honesty, and I don 8767 t have much to add to what 8767 s already been said but I would encourage you to find your passion and connect to what you love, outside of work and social movements. What makes you feel sexy and desirable as a woman? I 8767 m a dating coach and author of The Curvy Girls Guide to Dating, and the biggest challenge many big women have is finding the passion in their own lives. Because that passion is the the spark that will connect you to someone, that will cause a man to find you attractive.
Sounds like you are ready for a new level of embodiment—and it seems to me you won 8767 t let this process interfere with your core ideals, either. I can hear that you 8767 re not trying to 8775 change for a man, 8776 so whatever you choose to do to 8775 slim your waistline, 8776 just be mindful that you act from your heart, for your heart, and with the intention of filling more parts of your life with love.
I don 8767 t think it 8767 s just a fat hating world. I think men naturally like seeing certain ratios and if they 8767 re obscured by fat, it 8767 s like a guy not telling you what he does for a living. But what I liked about this is that it shows a person dealing with her own reality. She 8767 s not blaming she 8767 s just observing life and making a choice as to how she wants to live hers. I think that 8767 s maybe the most attractive thing about her. She don 8767 t have to be skinny to be hot just not fat. She 8767 s also a fantastic writer which is hot.
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I appreciate this honest and vulnerable post I never thought of my weight as a problem, until we were at a club (college days, so smaller than I am now), and a guy and I exchanged numbers. Then he leaned over and said, 8775 I hope you 8767 re not self-concious about your weight. 8776 I wasn 8767 t, until then. I have had all those experiences, and it 8767 s not nice or pretty to be ignored because you 8767 re the 8775 fat one 8776 and sometimes this simply means 8775 bigger than your homegirls. 8776 I wish that the scenario of people being attracted to each other and loved for their personality first was the rule, and not the exception, but it isn 8767 t. Which is why I 8767 ve recently decided to pay more attention to my health and diet to increse my confidence, which is completely shot. Heres to hoping those changes make positive changes in my love life as well.
And like you I treat everyone in a room like they matter. I do not think that I owe it to everyone in the room to flirt with them if I do not find them attractive. The author said she felt slighted because the man flirted with everyone but her. Oh well, he didnt want to put on the charm with her. Call him what you want but he didn 8767 t owe her nthat. He acknowledged her, which is all anyone owes anyone else when spoken to.
That being said, we can complain all day, but eventually we have to seek solutions. I think what is necessary is a re-education towards empathy not in the sentimental sense, but in that endeavor to see people as people first, and not what society tells us we should think of them. Also can we please abandon the notion that we need to find somebody to punish for what society tell us is wrong with us. One of the biggest problems I 8767 ve had being a big dude is the penchant it seemed people had for reducing me to a requisite amount of misery based solely on my size. It was like I was committing a crime just having the audacity to be fat and happy with myself. I think resolution may be an arduous task. We 8767 re gonna have to deal with some deep-rooted issues in the process, but I think it 8767 s a task worth undertaking.
While I do agree that the narrow range of physical looks which is elevated to the level of 8775 objectively attractive 8776 is a reflection of both patriarchy and our consumerist culture, most cultures don 8767 t find obesity to be a mark of attractiveness. Furthermore, the level of obesity that is evident among black American (and all women in America and women in many other countries) is of a recent nature. Black women were not this big 55 years ago.
My second example would be me on an online dating site. I see a guy or two that i like, and realize that people are viewing my profile but none of them that i 8767 m interested in are biting back. This site had a chat, i go in there out of boredom and ask others are they having luck. This one guy tells me that I need to go maybe look for a guy in the 8775 GYM 8776 . Now me being me, and getting the stuff that i 8767 ve gotten about my weight I knew where he was going with this. He begins to go into a whole story about how my weight is killing my chances, and he wasn 8767 t nice about it. He proceeded to tell me that i looked sloppy, that I looked like a cow, and thats why he 8767 d personally never date me. So of course I wasn 8767 t even hurt because at 76 I 8767 ve heard it all not to mention this man has pictures of his skirtless, pasty, holding a guitar with his dog in the background of a dark empty apartment. In my mind he has no reason to talk about me. Especially when i look at my pictures and i 8767 m out with friends, i 8767 m smiling, i 8767 m out in international spots, and I looked happy.
whether we are aware of all this history or not when we are attracted to someone, the history is there and working. it 8767 s the genuine in us recognizing the genuine in another person. genuine need not be all pleasant. sometimes it 8767 s not nevertheless, it is real. the benefit of being aware of the genuine in ourselves and others is experiencing life at its fullest, 8775 getting a scent 8776 of who we are and those in our space.
75% of BW or either obese or over weight. I 8767 m over 95 and at the 55 lb weight loss mark with about 75 lbs more to go. BM have choices and the more money they make the better choices they have. What American society thinks is so called thick is size 6-67. Even though the average size for American women 69, 5 8767 9, 665lbs. Star Jones saw it a a health Scott, Raven Symone, and Monique lost Atlanta, BM have choices and the more educated they are the more choices they 8767 m in the gym 5 days a every 65 BM in LA Fitness there 8767 s 7 do we still hear sistas scream about their hair and nails getting messed up! Why would a BM with so many options,Hispanics, Asians and white women, end up with a over weight , it 8767 s hard to stay in shape but it 8767 s a health issue. Educated BM want a health woman to marry. Not, someone who just doesn 8767 t care about their health.