Posted: 2017-09-11 15:47
Women don t have to read guys? Are you insane? They have to read every ridiculously stupid pick-up line thrown at them, which happens 79/7 by your logic, in order to avoid the men who will cause them physical and/or emotional harm. They have to flirt back with men they do like in order to maintain his interest, just like a man does, and even if only their physical looks are good enough to warrant an initial approach, only a complete idiot (or misogynist, or both) would continue to date a woman who isn t at all interesting but pretty.
And if that 8767 s not what 8767 s giving you trouble, and you can 8767 t figure out what is (or you keep figuring out what 8767 s holding you back and every time you deal with one thing you keep finding more and more reasons things can never change), then maybe it 8767 s something going on in your mental health or your thought patterns that 8767 s holding you back and it 8767 s time to get help with that, because that 8767 s not stuff you can just think your way out of or willpower your way through.
Not to put too fine a point on it, if you had a positive attitude and I had access to your Facebook photos and you live in a moderately populated area, I m willing to bet I could get you laid within a week. Craigslist is...I won t say a wonderful thing...potentially useful in situations such as this. The woman in question might not be able to find work as a model but she d be willing to have casual sex with someone capable of showing some interest in her.
Fun thing is that you are the driver of your own destiny, the captain of your future. You and you alone are in the position to shape what the years to come will be. So if you choose to not change your circumstances, then yes, nothing will change. But that will be because of the choices you 8767 ve made, not because you 8767 ve been uniquely screwed by God, the Universe, the Force or Loki Laufeyson.
I had the feeling that you were trying to say that someone who is German wouldn t attack another German person based on the Nazi history of Germany, that s why I thought you were talking about Germans as a race (like in Ariernachweis where you had to prove that your ancestors were of purely white German origin) in the sense the Nazis used to define German and not in the modern sense that includes for example people of both German and African descent born in Germany who self-identify as Afro-Germans or as Germans period (same with Germans who have Turkish parents and so on).
I have wondered with the original study how many men would have actually been up for sex with a stranger vs just saying they were. It seems to me that there is a big difference between saying, Yeah, sure, why not? and actually doing it. I wonder how many would have still agreed if there had been right here, right now, no conversation, no names follow through. Some would have still been game, I am sure, but I bet a goodly percentage would have wanted to know the person a bit better before sex
Yes, I would agree that you have a bundle of nerves (not sure I would agree about the drama, other than internally), but I think that your jerkbrain has taken something that might cause minor anxiety and turned it into a frothing monster of doom. And I don 8767 t think that venting on the internet, either here or in your own blog, is enough to manage that in a healthy way. Can it help? Yes. But I do not think it is enough, as evidenced by the many discussions here.
I don t consider arguing with women to be disrespectful automatically. I do consider things like saying that any woman trying to teach you what she needs sexually (whether because she s more experienced, or just doesn t like what you re doing) makes you feel like she s being condescending to be incredibly disrespectful. You ve said flat out that you aren t open to feedback, as well as that you want women who are presumably too inexperienced to know any better.
I only did that a few times but yeah, it did have intended effect. I know it sounds absolutely dickish to feign yourself like that and you d be right. Back then, it was more of an act, and it also failed spectacularly because I would panic and couldn t go through with the actual sex (especially not for fear of losing the act).
I have however tried it afterwards, not to have casual sex but just to confirm if it works or not, and it seems it does, if it s the right place and time, and for some reason it has often been professionally accomplished women in particular who seem to warm up to it.
I think you 8767 re slightly off on what I meant. As I was using it, that saying means that even if they don 8767 t enjoy it, a real writer will still invest in the work to get the end product, where as non-writers don 8767 t care about the process, they just want the end product. Selfish pricks like me want to accolades of having done something, without working to actually do it. That 8767 s what the saying means.
Yeah, you 8767 re overthinking, and you assign a whole lot of insulting characteristics and motives to women. You don 8767 t have to overcome all of your issues and insecurities to date, but you have to stop deciding what others want or feel. It 8767 s good that you probably won 8767 t let this hypothetical woman 8767 s history influence your treatment of her, but focus more on not letting your preconceived ideas and projected fears affect how you relate to women.
You seem to put these experiences on a pedestal. I 8767 m afraid you 8767 re going to be very disappointed when you get your first kiss and the earth is completely still.
Re: Germans who aren t ethnically German (I d appreciate it if you didn t use Aryan in this context): yep, I did think about that. However, I d still expect anyone who grew up in Germany to have enough experience with Germans who don t have a family background of migration [sorry, this is a clunky translation of the German term I m aware of for this, there are some complicated ethnic/racial/historical issues in play with the terminology] to be aware of what a sensitive issue it is for people and not completely dismiss someone on basis of their family background like that, because otherwise how would you even manage in Germany? I ve gotten the German = Nazi thing from non-Germans who didn t have any previous experience with modern Germans. That s understandable in a way this isn t.
*Your brain and personality don 8767 t automatically lose weight when your body does I had the brain and life experience of a larger person, but was suddenly treated by the world as a skinny person, and those things can be very different, unfortunately. There was a lot of new attention, both good and bad, that I had no idea how to deal with that was surprisingly distressing to me. It also made me angry, how differently I was treated. You may find a therapist helps.
Hooking up in a social circle can definitely be tricky. For example, a few years ago I hooked up with a friend after we d flirted for a few days. There was alcohol involved, but we had both been into each other. The problem is that he is now engaged, and he seems to be incredibly nervous that someone will tell his fiance. So even if things are ok at the time and you both are cool with it, it can lead to issues down the line as well.
Honestly the only person on my feed who sometimes irritates me is an associate who I know has some unresolved issues from a divorce, yet he goes around as a walking stereotype of a lot of toxic masculinity, yet he 8767 s hunky and gets affection from women all the time. Ironically, he 8767 s after a long term commitment, not short term sex. Doesn 8767 t stop the bragging though. I occasionally try to rebut some of his anti-feminist beliefs but I usually don 8767 t want to spark a fight (his usual reply to that stuff is usually, and I am paraphrasing here, 8775 Acting like that won 8767 t get you laid bro. 8776 ).
Responding here doesn 8767 t take anything away from the new letters.
If anything, I think people would be more frustrated if you duck out of the conversation now and still keep bringing up the same generalizations about women. You seem to have a habit of doing that, you 8767 ll apologise, back off for a month or so, then go right back to it like it never happened. Nobody is trying to run you off, and I don 8767 t think you 8767 ve burned any bridges. We just want you to stop saying you can 8767 t ask any women out because 8775 all women want x, don 8767 t want y, think z. 8776 You don 8767 t even say that it 8767 s because you think that about women, you state it as a fact. *sigh*
And uh no. No I don t think that s the correct way at all of approaching it. I honestly don t know how people do one night stands myself, so I can t offer any suggestions. All I know is if a friend came up to me and said it like that out of the blue I d not be down with it. I guess the only way I could see it working for me is if we re good friends, have great friend chemistry (lots of laughing etc), and are at a party, and there s some booze, and we re getting kind of flirty and touchy feely... it has to grow, I have to be feeling it. Not just be a cold Hey wanna have sex? But maybe that would work for others. I dunno.
8775 In order to change this 8775 belief 8776 about my inexperience, I have to believe that I have attractive qualities to women despite the fact that I have never achieved mutual attraction 8776 . It kinda sounds like this isn 8767 t something you even put effort into when you were and when you did put in some effort, it wasn 8767 t gargantuan. It also sounds, from some of your stories, that there have been some women who were or could have been attracted to you if you had made a move. Most people don 8767 t find partners without putting effort into it, especially after college. If you had put a ton of time and energy in, and still nothing, then I can see throwing in the towel. But as it stands, I don 8767 t know that there ever even was a towel. Maybe a washcloth. As far as 8775 attractive qualities to women 8776 do you believe that you have appealing qualities as a human being? Like, we aren 8767 t aliens. We like a lot of the same things guys do. We like a lot of the same qualities in partners as we do in friends. Now, if you mean physical qualities, that is a separate ball game, but one that is still workable.
LW8 I totally understand that panic. Even the whole 8775 Wait weren 8767 t we the generation that was supposed to wait longer? 8776 Heck I also always thought 8775 Weren 8767 t we the generation not interested in gender norms and typical coupling up? 8776 But nope. My first friend who got married was 75 when she married. And there is this fear, especially if you haven 8767 t dated, as you watch your friends get together and move on to the next supposed phase of adulthood that you are being left behind. That there is something wrong with you. That you are going to lose out. EVEN if you yourself aren 8767 t ready for anything yet.
Therapy isn 8767 t a last resort though. if you have a good therapist you can tell your therapist current problem/lifestyle (patient:I don 8767 t have any friends) and what your goals are (patient:I would like to make more friends). Then the therapist will often talk to you about unpacking some past anxiety and validate your emotions (therapist:yes that time when your friend ghosted on you in fifth grade sounds like it really hurt) while helping you build and emotional tool kit on how to deal with future problem (therapist: remember just because one person didn 8767 t want to be your friend doesn 8767 t mean all people don 8767 t, here are some things you can do to meet people). Therapy is a lot like practicing to run for a marathon. It 8767 s easier to have someone help you train and couch you and give you all the right tricks so you won 8767 t collapse during the actual event