Posted: 2017-11-15 06:20
I have an easy rapport with most people, have gotten numerous phone numbers, intending to call them…and then never do. I long for human connection, but not just “any” connection. I want meaningful conversation, and when I get a taste of it, even if it’s with a cashier at the grocery store, I can find myself still chatting with them as I am walking away from the counter. Then I spend a fair amount of time thinking “How pathetic are you? Trying to have a meaningful convo in that situation when there might be a better chance of same at those “parties” I am so loathe to attend. (Not that they come around that often).
Did you know that yoga is not a hobby? Did you know that wine is not a hobby? Sure, you may really like both, but men don 8767 t give a shit. Seriously. We care that you are fit. We want to know what your interests are. But when 99% of the women say they like 8775 yoga/pilates, wine, travel, laughter, and a real man who know how to treat a lady 8776 , you simply aren 8767 t being a real person. If you like to work out, and it is something that you expect a partner to join you with, then say it. If it is something you like but don 8767 t care if they do or not, then say it. Just be real about how you like to spend your days and don 8767 t. OVERSELL IT.
Liz, Mollie and all the commentators here. This has been a great article to read and thread to 8766 listen to 8767 . 8766 Hearing 8767 you all comment about how you think and why helps me think more about what drives me. Long ago, I did an MBTI test. At the time, I knew little about it but it started me on the road to self-understanding. Over the years I 8767 ve learned that sometimes I may rely too much on that test, though it does help. When I took it, it was in written form and scored manually not like today when you take them on-line of in some computer format and a certain result is found. When I took that test long ago, I scored right about the middle between E/I. The 7nd part at the time was Sensing/Intuition where again I scored about in the middle but more toward the Intuition side. The last 7 parts I scored definitely at one end of the scale the Thinking/Feeling I came out on the Thinking end and the Judging/Perceiving I was definitely at the Judging end of the scale.
In the old days,people just met partners I. School, at church or at work and found a way to make it work. Now you have a seemingly unlimited supply of partners. Even when you find one that is good enough, the current societal conditioning not to settle for anything for the best, or ''the one'' just means the search continues. The ''top '' as in the most desirable of both sexes on these sites go on dates upon dates and most of them never quite find what they are looking for. Making us all a little more shallower as a whole.
Hey Ashley I am also mixed and I am sorry for your experience. Your dad sounds like a racist prick and on top of that he is a HYPOCRITE. He seems to have the mindset so many White Males have 8776 White Men can date IR, but White Women should not date any man other than White 8776 He really has his nerve since he was with a MEXICAN WOMAN. This double Standard disgusts me to know end. Live your life and do what makes YOU HAPPY. If your dad can 8767 t see and respect that, then FUCK him as well and the other racist doucebag 8767 s on here that support him.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you''re seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don''t think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they''ve read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you''re having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
Asking women to give you a chance and message you back after looking at your message and profile is like women asking you to message and reach out whenyou have zero attraction, nothing in common and zero interest in taking to. It goes both ways. Just because you''re intrested and they aren''t doesn''t mean they want bad boys and smooth talkers. Men you don''t reach out to women you''re not attracted to, don''t except women to make the exceptions lol. Dumb.
If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don''t get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can''t fix.
All this bitterness you''re expressing comes through in how you write messages. I can guarantee it. That''s why no one writes you back. No one wants to engage with someone they have to prove themselves to. Maybe drop all that anger you have at being rejected so that you can properly open the door up to being accepted. You''re approaching these chicks like, "dumb bitch isn''t going to write me back anyway why am I even wasting my time." You''re reaping what you sow.
Your definition of an extroverted introvert fairly much describes me perfectly. I am a very good conversationalist and negotiator, having studied the greats such as Sir Winston Churchill and Lord Sir Alec Douglas-Home as I am English. However, I definitely need to recharge my batteries as it were after a social interaction which on many occasions leaves me feeling very drained. The value you give to your mailing list fans such as myself I believe is priceless as I have never learnt so much before about what it is like to be an introvert. I can only wish you the greatest of continued success in your work with introverts. Toodles, Andrew
Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice here. It was a pleasure to read. A friend of mine has been struggling with his profile, and was convinced that he was the reason he wasn 8767 t getting much interest. I 8767 m never for tricking anyone, but I told him online dating is as much about advertising oneself as advertising a product, you have to be thoughtful with what you choose to put out there and how you represent yourself. We 8767 re working on a profile together now, mostly cause I insisted he let me try to help before closing his down for good.
i like to know as much as i can about a person kind of full disclosue because if that 8767 s who the person is, and you get involved, you 8767 re going to know anyway, so better to know up front. and i like to divulge, in okcupid 8767 s questions section, as much as i can about myself (sometimes with comments to elaborate, sometimes w/humor or sarcasm, to have a voice). thus full disclosure of both helps you hone in on qualities you like and deal breakers you don 8767 t.
Don 8767 t feed the trolls. You do you. Your story is great. Focus on making yourself a better person! You seem awesome and don 8767 t let the trolls get to you. There is a ton of hate from ignorant, less than adequate men it seems. Most are cowards, sad little men and women who do nothing more than foment hate. I kinda feel sorry for em as should you. Keep doing you and I hope it works out! ACC
Thank you for sharing your insight and reasoning behind your disinterest in online dating. In regards to myself I have done a lot of work to understand the world in my own fashion as opposed to what I was taught. My dating profile is quite lengthy and is intended to share who I am as a human being in hopes of finding someone that has done similar work. What I have shared of myself also has the benefit of eliminating a lot of potential conflicts that typically arise in conversations with people as part of the process of getting to know one another.
There is an incredible amount of bullshit online and having had vast experience I sd many reasons but the main 6is the women are often deluded and justseem too pass know my worth though and some nut isn''t going too affect my somethings all come with baggage and if Davey use too beat you up get off match dot com and get yourself in7 had 6 tell me because I like a flutter on the horses it wasn''t a match ??Who do u think yr going too meet sweet cheeks ?BradPitt?Your 55 ,68 stone and err past your sell by ,but the BS online is toooo much and im having what cd be a perma timeout from is the modern way off doing things but my God theres some idiots if they do snag a fella most are tapping away again inside a all you women out there who think yr a sex queen err your not and need 7 get pete andre once said..baby im done..ill use the more traditional methods 9 dating in future and you guys can massage yr egos hiding behind the keyboard till u actually it goes titties..Keeping it real people !!toodles x.
It has become clear to me with the passing of the years that my knowledge and understanding are very limited much to my own consternation. However I will do my best to explain the situation as I see it. My answer will likely seem off topic and possibly confusing. Unfortunately the real issue, as is almost always the case with problems we are facing today, exists far beyond the usual scope of answers proffered.
Introverts prefer to use a different neurotransmitter called acetylcholine , writes Christine Fonseca in her book Quiet Kids: Help Your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World. Like dopamine, acetylcholine is also linked to pleasure the difference is, acetylcholine makes us feel good when we turn inward. It powers our abilities to think deeply, reflect, and focus intensely on just one thing for a long period of time. It also helps explain why introverts like calm environments it’s easier to turn inward when we’re not attending to external stimulation. When I lounge at home in quiet solitude, lost in a book or watching Netflix, I’m basking in the pleasant effects of acetylcholine.
Sometimes, dudes aren 8767 t shy in any other aspect of their life except for dating love and crushes can make even the most outgoing and confident people clam up sometimes. If the person you like is too timid to talk to you, then (I hate to break it to you) you need to make the first move. How do you know if your crush is terrified, waiting for the perfect moment to strike up a conversation? It can be tricky to figure it out, but here are seven signs your crush is too shy to speak up. Good luck!
It 8767 s true to an extent but you can 8767 t automatically assume that just because someone says she likes to travel, she is materialistic. First, who doesn 8767 t like to travel? We all do. Secondly, this doesn 8767 t mean that she expects you to pay for everything or for her share. Lastly, there are different types of travel some are very costly, while others don 8767 t require that much money. Not every vacation requires a 65 hour flight and a luxury hotel. A quick getaway in a car for a night or two can also be considered a getaway.
The US sure sounds like a shitty conservative place TBH. Something like this is almost unheard of in the netherlands. But the level of education is much higher here so that could explain it. Americans are pretty dumb and ignorant compared to the amount of wealth they have, and the dumber you are, the more likely you are racist too. Whenever i meet a racist in my country he is either very or very stupid 99,9% of the time.