Posted: 2017-11-17 14:37
I'm a writer, so my profile tends to attract men with a high intellect or a desire to find an emotional match, so they comment on something I'd written primarily. However, the ones that catch a peek at my attractiveness or curvaceousness do mention it in their first message and their ssecond message and their third message and in text messages and, sometimes, on a first date where it's inappropriate and, for lack of a better word, "creepy."
If I may, as a Canadian guy, growing up we hosted a number of international students mostly from Japan. I was raised to be a gentlemen and proper as well. I love to cook, and can be found solo or getting parties cooking ^_^ I don 8767 t know about friendzones but happy to be kind to all, keeping ones place top knotch tidy is a must _^ I 8767 ve been cheated on, and wish never to put anyone through such a awful thing. in closing I 8767 ve always loved to Asian culture and it 8767 s rich history thanks for reading and yup still nice guys out there ^_^ Cheers
You are not the top 65% of women. You've deluded yourself into getting it the opposite way around. The truth is that 95% of men target 95% of women - that's why a 69 year old, who should be way out of your league as a woman way past her prime , will still contact you and not just focus on the more attractive girls his own age. Meanwhile, 95% of women really do target only 65% of men. You are looking for nothing but hot, single men in their thirties, and so is every other woman on the website. Goes to show what primadonnas women on dating sites are when you can get it all this wrong.
Also I can attest to the fact that I currently hold an account on okcupid. I am currently looking for a partner. I have also chosen to abstain from competition regarding wealth and power and instead am attempting to find a place on the fringes of society where I can be myself without harming others. I own very little, earn very little, and struggle to find women willing to get to know someone in my societal position as a potential partner.
That said, a decent guy who has options isn 8767 t especially concerned to impose his 8775 standards 8776 on women he has no particular sexual interest in. When such guys pay little or no romantic attention to women they don 8767 t find physically attractive, this is not inherently unfair or disrespectful. Guys with options like women with options prefer to explore options that they believe are likely to suit them better.
Yeahhhhhh I had a very, VERY different experience growing up in a small town as (literally) a 655-pound weakling who constantly got called a f*cking f*ggot because it was pretty clear I wouldn t be physically able to fight back (unless I wanted to commit suicide by redneck ). Also, it turns out that in that context, getting your picture in the local paper for going to the national spelling bee is NOT the boon to social popularity that one might expect.
And like you I treat everyone in a room like they matter. I do not think that I owe it to everyone in the room to flirt with them if I do not find them attractive. The author said she felt slighted because the man flirted with everyone but her. Oh well, he didnt want to put on the charm with her. Call him what you want but he didn 8767 t owe her nthat. He acknowledged her, which is all anyone owes anyone else when spoken to.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
Also, you simply don 8767 t understand the issues. There is something wrong in the culture of this country, and some other western countries. It is a lack of respect for men in general. Do a little research. Society is being bombarded with messages that men are worthless. Practically every commercial involves the man being an idiot who is saved by a woman. Women are valued for simply being women. Men are not valued for simply being men.
I never go for 9"s, or 65's. Usually, they have issues. They know their "hot". I, one time met a above average looking woman and she ended up being a compulsive liar and had other issues. Another one used guys for their money. I'm older 56 and go never go for any women below 99. It appears that you women want tall, dark, handsome CEO types of men, or looking for Brad Pitts's of the world needs to get realistic. Also, I notice the shorter the woman are like 5'5" are wanting these 5'8 tall or taller guys to feel "protected" are overlooking us shorter guys who can make them feel secure and protected. I was a successful wrestler and coach. And can provide that.
“She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” is a MASSIVELY DIFFERENT thing than 8775 ie she 8767 s not fat. 8776 One realizes their partner actually loves them when you do and when you dont look like the chick on a magazine cover. When don 8767 t like it when their woman has let herself go if she 8767 s put on weight and is therefore feeling sh*tty about it, and rocks sweats and no makeup all the time. If she 8767 s only confident, herself, active and 8775 beautiful 8776 for herself when she 8767 s skinny then he 8767 s only gonna like her when she 8767 s skinny. If she dresses according to her new size and keeps up her style, her energy and self confidence he 8767 ll like her when she 8767 s heavy too.
You want a woman that will fuck, cook, clean, wash and fold your clothes, do your dishes, and give you a back rub. Apparently there are not any Japanese women trying to pursue a career instead of being a housewife? Japanese women who are choosing to not have kids?There are many and they are considered 8775 selfish 8776 and blamed for the declining population rate in Japan. Japan is considered one of the top sexist counties in the world. I am currently living in Japan, and my problem with the article is that Japanese women are worth so much more than this garbage that ropes together a set of sexist racial stereotypes sates.
We carefully “peruse” the onslaught of “opportunities” (. responses and messages) we receive because WE HAVE TO. Not because we a rude, stuck-up b*tches atop our thrones. Meanwhile, you guys are doing the ole, what is it? Oh yeah – “numbers game.” So – you tell me, men - as you are keen to say, “ if the situation were reversed” – maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t find it quite as glamorous and fun as you are imagining. We women are wading through a sea of what contains everything from – (best case scenario), truly good guys who perhaps don’t articulate themselves as a match on paper - all the way to a plethora of ( worst case scenario) - psychopaths, married men, rapists, pedophiles and just plain old weirdos, etc.
I can share something I learned over the years in many ways, but notably in one particular performance art type class that people fundamentally, viscerally respond to the energy we put out there. I am in a position where I advise people (women mostly) quite a bit on various aspects of their lives and what I remind them is to *be* the change they want to see in the world. So if you want a lover, you have to be a Lover. (Rumi and Hafiz provide great reminders of this btw). If you want Justice, be just.. and so on. Whether you use Critical Theory, Jungian analysis or just plain old horse sense, you will find that life is characterized by the reflections we experience of our own projections.
My motto is: Never message a girl who you would not approach in public. I know my boundaries and I'd never even go near a supermodel-ish girl in public, so why try it online? I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that guys make. They're always trying to pursue outside of their league. I'd like to say that by keeping your expectations realistic, you'll have better success. But I'm not even sure if that's accurate anymore.
Late to the party, but just wanted to chime in and say that as an average-to-below-average weight straight woman, I am NOT interested in chiseled, Adonis-type dudes. Mostly because I know how much dedication and deprivation it takes to maintain that type of physique, and it makes people BORING. I want a guy who will go out to dinner and have fun and cook interesting meals with me, not someone who s holed up at home doing pushups and eating plain chicken breasts. Of course there will always be some women who won t date fat guys (just like there are some men who won t date fat ladies), but for the vast majority of us, an interesting personality and zest for life is by far the most important thing.
I don 8767 t think this is a matter of 8775 obligation 8776 . Most cultures don 8767 t find a lot of things attractive. That doesn 8767 t make it *natural* or an indicator of some sort of norm that is not worthy of criticism. And frankly, this article wasn 8767 t demanding acceptance at all. Some of those things (such as finding lighter skin more attractive than darker skin) are found in MOST societies, but I 8767 m sure it 8767 s easy for you to understand the foolery behind that. Perhaps you think one is self imposed and the other isn 8767 t, that 8767 s why one deserves more disapproval than the other.
The technology is not the problem. The same thing exists whether online or off. For example, Eric's major problem is attempting to present himself as a "nice guy" even it happens that he is one. Single females are not looking for him. They want the guy who will treat them poorly, beat them physically or emotionally, imprison them without bars, enslave them without chains, etc. The only ones looking for the nice guy are already married to the bad boy who have done the above and only now realize that isn't what they should have been looking for. I have watched the same thing over and over again for decades. That aspect of the game has never changed, only the venue from face-to-face meetings in bars, clubs, schools and other physical locations and events to Match and eHarmony.
They love it, or pretend to love it until you work out what really pushes her buttons. Japanese girls are up for it, so long as the guy they like likes them back. Some guys are turned off by their sexuality, or lack thereof, saying that they don 8767 t have the porn star moves of western women. But believe me when I tell you that they are willing to learn. And like in all other areas of life, they are happy to 8775 Ganbaru 8776 , 8775 try my best 8776 , with all the enthusiasm of a little kid opening presents from Santa.
Sounds like you are ready for a new level of embodiment—and it seems to me you won 8767 t let this process interfere with your core ideals, either. I can hear that you 8767 re not trying to 8775 change for a man, 8776 so whatever you choose to do to 8775 slim your waistline, 8776 just be mindful that you act from your heart, for your heart, and with the intention of filling more parts of your life with love.