Posted: 2017-11-14 11:38
You 8767 re very welcome. I think the way to look at how you feel about needing your therapist is to use this experience as a microcosm for something larger the way you feel about needs, in general, and about the vulnerable, child-like part of yourself. Do you hate your own needs? Do you feel that you shouldn 8767 t have any, and then berate yourself when you do? When our early experiences of dependency are especially awful, we often believe that the 8775 solution 8776 is to get rid of our needs we may develop a sort of pseudo-adult (and usually punitive) self that then 8775 hates 8776 the other parts we 8767 re not supposed to have.
This post really hits home. The EUAC totally used me. And I let. And sometimes it 8767 s hard for me to accept that because I know I 8767 m better than that. I normally would have seen his BS from a mile away, but I was in such a bad place at that time that I thought he actually cared about me, when e was Future Faking and Fast Forwarding the whole time. By the grace of God, I found enough strength (with encouragement from my BFF and the posters on this site) to cut ties and go NC. But I hate it. I hate that I let him 8775 get 8776 me. I hate showing weakness. Ugh. I hate that I knew he was a dough but somehow thought I could be The Exception. I would give anything to be able to go back and undo it all.
Thank you for this post. I 8767 m only a few weeks into therapy and I am terrified of needing therapy. I don 8767 t like the 8766 needy 8767 feelings of desperation for help that surface and seem to dominate my thoughts. It 8767 s been encouraging to read how many others feel the same.
How can I allow my pain to come out but keep myself from being a desperate child needing help and attention? I fight that and just want to get well.
Are there skills I can learn to have a session and be balanced in between appointments?
Thank you for your time! It 8767 s so nice to see you respond. It shows how much you truly care about people.
I am writing to you because I found an excellent therapist. He is really helping me to address my feelings of dependency and is actually HELPING me to depend on people in a healthy, loving way.
I don 8767 t know where you live but I live in Australia, here we are very fortunate to have psychiatry covered by Medicare (government health care) and so our taxes pay for most of my sessions. I have been seeing mine 8 times a week for quite a few years now. I have seen an amazing change in me in this time.
It does sound like you need more sessions and that is OKAY!
Good luck on your journey to better mental health.
It will happen.
Thanks so much for your openness! I plan to do the same when I have someone I am seeing.
I was uncomfortable with why did he look you up after all those years? Also the booty call, I don 8767 t want anyone that seeks out booty call type situations, that to me is just using a woman. Plus the 8776 why would you want to be with a guy like me 8776 Amber if not red flag low self esteem. I had an AC say a similar thing to me, 8776 look at you, what do you see in me? 8776 is what I got. He has been the bain of my existence, and now almost 8 months NC.
If I define the perfectly average American, it would define almost everyone as somewhat abnormal. There's a sort of danger there, because you've given a person the power to define what Insane means, and if the powers (drug companies for example) decide that liking odd things is a disease to be treated. I came to this based on a few things, starting with my ADD, but there are tons of other things that would not really be pathological today, but would have been pathological in 6955. Or things that are pathological today that were not in 6955.
So imagine a teenage girl who is constantly told she is good enough the way she is and whatever way she wants to be. Well, the years pass and she floats along whimsically, until wham! she's 95, single, broke, and finally realizes that self esteem is only real if you earn it from yourself and can pass your own self's judgement. So then she judges herself as an idiot who has wasted her life floating whimsically, and she becomes self esteem bankrupt. Boom! she can't pretend anymore, cuz shit just got real.
I'm sorry for harping on this but it's a situation I fear we will be seeing more and more as it becomes increasingly impossible for small family farms to make it in this world of big business agriculture, and I really hate to see farmers who take this route demonized (which probably was not the intention of the poster, but comparing this farmer to a man who murdered his family to keep from admitting that he failed in business is basically doing so to my mind), so I feel it's important to clarify this. Most Americans in my experience are separated from food production/agriculture to a large enough degree that this is not obvious to them. I'm not saying that what Dean did was a good thing, far from it, but I don't think he should be demonized either. I didn't know him personally but know those who did and by all accounts I've heard he was a good man who loved his animals and simply suffered from depression and desperation and felt this was his only way out. I just hope anyone else who feels like that can find another way.
i am not an abuser. i have been abused. so i don't know if my comments are alowed on here. no matter what happened as a child, as sad as it may be you can not blame that for the rest of your life. we make a dicision to abuse or not. i have chose never to do that and believe me i grow up disfunctually. you abusive men are cowards. would you leave your house everyday knowing there was someone twice your size outside waiting to knock you around. of course not. but we live with you. imagine the fear your child would feel being bullied everyday. would you not want to protect them. if you truly love your wife, make the decision to protect her from you. love and protect her like you would your children, mother or yourself. NO MAN SHOULD HIT A WOMAN. she has been there through it all and eventually she will tire and can't take it aymore and loving you moves down the list. and her getting her self esteem back will be more important. she should be able to love you and be loved with her self esteem an respect from you. STOP HITTING AND ABUSING YOUR WIVES, THEY ARE THE ONES YOU LOVE AND PROTECT YOU! PLEASE, IT IS YOUR DECISION ALONE, ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE THIS! - - tABI
I had a colleague. Her daughter 8767 s husband did have all those techniques mastered on the girl, he really killed all her self-esteem. But she was a strong woman, she got out of it with all her strenght and power. What did the husband do? He killed her, cut her body in parts and hid in different places.
My ex had right the same methods on me. Really, I was reading the article as if I was reading my life. It took me 8 years to try to get rid of him. Now I still can 8767 t regain my self-esteem, I visit a therapist, I take antidepressants, but still can 8767 t get back to normal.
I hate you for writng this. Burn in hell. please, with all the maniacs who don 8767 t know how to simply LOVE a person.
Thank u my friend for telling john the facts atleast u seem to know the sad realities and what u described has got to b the biggest disappointment to man kind ever. From a age I never understood how or why and what made some men torture themselves so viciously willingly at the hands of a hateful ugly pea brained 855lb cunt. How do these men not at minimum 67 gauge themselves or snap and torture to death these out of control soul crushing beasts whos only lifes pleasure is to agonizingly drain and crush every last bit of happiness and vitality of the man who got tricked into marrying their gahmorian guard wives
Note I don't say, "Don't expose him". It's, "Don't threaten to expose him." If someone owes you a bunch of money, or you catch him cheating on his wife, don't offer to keep it quiet out of a desire not to embarrass him. He won't be grateful, or see it as a kindness. You become the greatest threat to his existence. Or what he sees as his existence. Blow it wide open before he knows you're even a threat. He'll still be a narcissist, he'll rage, accuse of all kinds of things, but he won't kill you - or his wife and kids - because it'll be too late to save his image that way. He'll have to fix it. Convince them he was framed. He can't kill them once they know. Only before.
Minor side note, the Titanic wasn't actually described as unsinkable until after it sank. It was actually a journalist misinterpreting an interview with a representative of the Titanic's holding company the day after the Titanic sank, and then mistakenly claiming the quote had been issued prior to the tragedy. The closest you could get to someone claiming it was unsinkable actually came in the form of a few statements that it was "designed to be unsinkable", so pretty much just like every boat before or since.
There's an interesting passage in the book Infinite Jest , by David Foster Wallace, wherein a character named Marathe explains how he managed to stop feeling miserable after the loss of his legs by devoting his life to a woman he'd saved from an oncoming train. The woman's got all sorts of health problems and is generally in rough shape, so Marathe thinks about taking his newfound happiness and leaving-- but as soon as he moves to do so, the feeling of misery returns.
Your take on things is how I feel about his character. I honestly don 8767 t know who he is right now. The main message H is giving out in (to me at least) is dismissiveness (of me at least) and scattered energy, secretive very secretive. But there 8767 s a new and quite weird smugness too. I think he is going out on dates on weekends. Ask me how I know 😎
I agree I deserve better. I never ever thought I would be coping with this hellish situation.
I just can 8767 t see a way to where he becomes his nice self and my H again. This new 8775 self 8776 is just, well, hideous and selfish. The selfish version of who he has become is extremely hard to love.
A comment from a different angle: I have also been that co-worker who hits on an older colleague. Just before I left to come out east, over six years ago, I hit on an older guy at work. I figured, he knows I 8767 m leaving, so he knows what he 8767 s getting into if he hangs out with me. To be honest, I also thought, he 8767 s GOT to know that I would never be with him as a long-term girlfriend, for a number of reasons too old, and nothing important in common being the main ones. So we 8766 hung out 8767 for two or three months, enough time for me to spend a lot of time at his place, cooking dinners with him, and even rag on him for habits I didn 8767 t like as if I was his gf.
I'm not any better, there's no escape really, so that's that. But I think the point is that suicide isn't what people really want. Who wants to stop existing? I can't imagine not existing, so I can't wrap my head about what benefit such a thing would have. Not to say that I haven't occasionally thought that way about situations in my life, but that the thoughts were not "dead is better than alive" or "nonexistence would be good" so much as "I'll not have to deal with X when I'm dead" or "won't they be sorry when I'm not around anymore" -- neither of which are actual deathwishes. they're emotional reactions or attempts at cuasing emotional reactions. I wanted people to feel bad for making me kill myself, but not to be dead.
PS. She never did admit she 8767 d been inappropriately flirting with me but I gave her 8766 the talk 8767 as to why her behaviour wasn 8767 t acceptable anyway. She shit herself a bit after that as I think she realised you play with fire you might just get BURNED! (ie Rediculously fantasising to herself I might actually have been interested. Umm, no way! I recognised something NQR with her pretty early on & just took a while to observe what I realised was a PATTERN of behaviour which finally has now enabled me the help of the BR online community to work out what is was! I would add that she 8767 s jelous that I 8767 m 6 yrs than her (I pointed this out when she tried to say she 8766 same age 8767 as me ie wtf?) & also that being ill has caused me to shed 75 kilo 8767 s meaning I now weigh what I did at 75 yrs ago! Seriously, the weight loss has been caused by ILLNESS (& I actually look like SHIT) but she 8767 s STILL jelous! I think she needs to get a bloody life! Grrr!
Now look at the success of some schizophrenics who actually talk about the elephant in the room: total mind control. Not much success there. No great religions founded after them. Not admired or talked about. Not even talked with, at all, with few exceptions. Just locked in some mental hospital or forcibly medicated until their brains fail to form a coherent thought. "What! You are making sense! Quickly, the needle! Nurse!"
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.
Sadly I have not managed to muster up the courage to talk this through with my therapist. I went to a session intending to do so and left without discussing it. I felt stupid for even wanting to and felt guilty and ashamed of having to admit to him that I was feeling emotionally dependent on him. I am also struggling with feeling I should stop seeing him and find another therapist.