Posted: 2017-11-15 08:26
I am currently on Tinder, and have been for about a month. All of the messages I have received from men have been respectful so far. I'm not sure why, but I'm guessing it has something to do with how I wrote my profile, as well as the pictures I chose to show. My profile is pretty straight forward, without being bitchy. My pictures are tasteful, and there are also some that show I am pretty jacked. I swear that after I have become more buff, men have gotten a ton more respectful. Ridiculous, but true. And no, I don't think I'm special because I'm fit, it is just a physicality.
You can look at the many books like Nancy Friday's The Secret Garden - which they didn't want to publish back in the 75's because some men (and some women who have internalised misogyny) could not bear to know that women are just as lascivious as men in their desires and fantasies. Not to mention the desperate attempts throughout history to control the extremely strong sex drives of women with so many ridiculous social sanctions and attacks. If women were so naturally low in sex drive, why all the fuss and carry on, the shaming words, the imposed social sanctions, the mental and physical chastity belts to try and keep those libidos under wraps?
Good response. The reality is that the world is a diverse place and everyone is different. Look at the mentalities of the commenters here. Many differing viewpoints, and certainly many who would argue theirs over others. Everyone has a different philosophy and you have to find someone that is aligned with yours. The only way to do that is put yourself out there and make no apologies. However, my suggestion would be to have someone else read your profile that has no stake in the game, to act as editor to make sure you don 8767 t come across sounding defective. Too many people list their requirements and too often they come across as seeming difficult, having too high expectation, or a little off their rocker.
We could term this "hypergamy" as some commentators do.. which makes the females sound quite like lab rats and gives the (male) commentator a horrendous, vile, disembodied ocularity, but that's not my deal at all. I know that females are smart, informed, and selective, and have strong capacity - in most places, thankfully - to exercise choice about mating habits. Females also possess very strong sex drives and know how to get what they need and want, whether it coincides with the NiceGuy/bf/hubby or - often - not.
Today is your day, your mountain is waiting.” -Dr. Seuss
I’m an outdoorsy guy who enjoys getting into nature an peasfull places. When I’m not working or exploring the outdoors, you’ll find me at home hanging out with friends watching movies or playing video games — I 8767 m and easy guy to go with really open minded.. right know I 8767 m traveling with a construccion company soo I 8767 m traveling a lot .. I always love older women then me, .. I 8767 m married but separate for now.. I don 8767 t know where this is going to take me but I will take the chance , I 8767 m really romantic guy . I don 8767 t like to receive nothing if I don 8767 t give something
So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I've given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.
Interesting read. I was debating putting up a profile or perhaps going to a club with some live entertainment. I am going to bed instead lol. It is very true that 65 to 65 years ago online dating worked well. I am an average looking guy but intelligent and funny and I was floored how many interesting, and yes pretty ok I would like someone that I consider to be pretty, not necessarily the text book version either. Anyway, teachers, lawyers, security guards, nurses, there I was dating, where previously I would stand in a bar and not say anything because my voice is very low and you couldn't hear me over the music anyway.
Yes I am older now and I have my daughter half time, but I am still an average looking very intelligent and funny man. I am not bitter, disappointed maybe. I am affected by the lack of responses though, not like jump off a bridge affected, but it does drop you down a notch psychologically. I am glad I read these posts. It sounds like many of us are in the same boat. God bless all of you even the bitter ones we all know that hurt people want to hurt other people.
We should have taken it much slower. We had good times but i guess I wonder what "could have been". She was 89 and never married and I was on the rebound from my first marriage. One really never knows. I Guess I just have to look at the positive sides though now I'm older and very lonely.
It is tough to see what might have been. Overall though I made decisions the best I could with the knowledge and information I had at the time.
However, it 8767 s always good to back up hypotheses with facts, and that 8767 s what Jon Millward did with this experiment , posted on his eponymous blog. Millward created 65 fake OKCupid profiles with similar sounding usernames, with the same written profile, personal stats, level of education, etc. The only difference? Each account had a different photo of a man or woman of varying attractiveness.
Just to add, from a female perspective one of the biggest turn-offs when receiving responses online is bad spelling, poor grammar and the use of text speech delete, delete and delete! Evan, you also make a great point at the end 8775 Stop blaming Match or women or your city for your failures and learn to market yourself more effectively 8776 It 8767 s so easy to blame others for your lack of success rather than reflect and look at the 8766 common denominator 8767 in the situation which is yourself and work at improving that to get a better and different result.
This will NOT seek life partners online. Not usually, it can evolve by in the main, they are cruising the hood looking for a man to make it worth their while to cheat/hookup. They can of course pretend that they're looking for romance but the comments of the guys above shows how rare that really is. No, they want my style of assertive domination. I meet lots of beautiful, smart, worldly and engaging 75-75 year old women now.. who would never have deigned to meet the NiceGuy me. And they love every moment of our interactions. No angst, no problems, no "romance."
I've been on Plenty of fish, okCupid, and since November. It is now April. On PoF, I got lots of views, but the only message was an offer to sell me drugs. On okCupid, I didn't even get but a few views, and no messages at all. On I got lots of views and lots of winks, but only from guys out of the state, and again, no messages. On and PoF, I even tried messaging guys first, but no responses. Almost all of friends married guys they met on these sites, but I have no idea how they did it.
What he discovered isn 8767 t particularly revelatory, but it does echo something I 8767 ve said here repeatedly about online dating we have the 8775 perception of choice 8776 , but not actual choice itself.
8775 The expanded horizons offered by online dating don’t equal unrestricted access to a ready and waiting list of beautiful people. Every man and woman online still has criteria that must be met by people who want to date him or her, and every guy and girl is still in direct competition with every other person of their gender Whereas before a man just needed to be the best looking guy at work to get a date with a colleague, now he needed to be in the top 65% of all men to get a date with one of the women in his city. 8776
My problem hasn't been so much with the issues mentioned in the article..I don't know what it's like in other areas, but when I search dating sites in my area, it is the same people on there all the time, year after year. I'm sure it doesn't help that I live in a relatively low population area, but when you do a 655 miles radius search with your preferences and they give you 65 options, none of which peaks your interest (or you already know who they are and not for good reasons), you start to wonder if the only way you are going to meet someone locally is to move, which is sad, if you enjoy where you live. One thing I am most tired of is feeling like I'm reading the same profile over and over. 'Cliches' is a good word to sum up the majority of really becomes a bore. You know what I mean."ask me anything" " I have kids and they are my number 6. if you don't like it, move on!!!" "No games" "Im an open book"... the minute I start reading and see one, I next. Yeah, I have grown quite cynical of online dating, both with the men I have met in real life and the profiles I have seen.
And no, I will not let a guy spend my weekend with my kid with us - not until I've gotten to know him properly and we've been seeing each other for a while. It's to protect my child from getting instantly attached if there is no intention of commitment, and also just in case he is a deviant who preys on single mothers to get to their children. It happens, so I am very cautious. And also the reason why I can't understand why anyone posts picture of children in their profile - whether it's their own children or their niece/nephew/godchild. Dating sites are full of perverts. Keep children's pictures off them. (Sorry, that was going off the topic).
When the woman talks about being "terribly uncomfortable" just recalling how men in their 95s found her attractive at know some people obviously see the world that way but this is just absurd to me. Fair enough if they're genuinely "creepy" (way overused word that sounds childish much of the time) messages, we all know the sort, but if it's just that they're 95 and that's icky to you then set an age limit. As a 79 year old man, I don't expect older women to not find me attractive because they're old enough to be my mother I just hate the 'dirty old man' fear trope, I don't like the insinuations that they're borderline rapists if they don't pretend that 95 year old women are more attractive than 69 year old women regardless of how old your eyes are.
For someone to truly connect with another person and feel completely content with another they must first know and accept themselves. In my forty plus years in America I believe that to be a rarity. I have known people of all ages including countless couples who seem to have a better grasp on celebrities lives than they do on their own. I can count perhaps a handful of people I've met who have formed their own systems of belief. The vast majority have simply accepted whatever belief system they were fed without question.
Not to sound rude but I don 8767 t send any messages to men or if I do they are very very few. Women receive so many that we barely have time to respond yet alone send. And of course when I respond I make sure to spell things correctly and use good grammar but do I spend time crafting extensive lengthy messages that show I 8767 ve read their profile, no I don 8767 t have to. Sorry guys men are so freaking superficial they don 8767 t care what we say. I guess unless we say we are looking for a hard working man which I think I am going to start saying because I personally don 8767 t see why that would be a turn off for any man? Please explain.
To Ryan Dube: Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Ryan. And sadly, I suppose you are right. It is frustrating, for both men and women I guess, how shallow and looks-focused internet dating is. In fact, a study by OkCupid revealed pretty clear data that profile text matters not at all, and pictures are what drive activity on the site. I think, to some extent, this is the case in "real life" too - that people can be superficial, and everyone wants a "gorgeous" mate. But in real life you don't have this fake world where all the pretty people are spread before you as available to you. You meet who you meet, and can tell quickly in many cases if they will be interested or not, and can also experience more than just the visual. The profiles are meant to give that experience, but I think perhaps, for a variety of reasons, internet dating becomes some fantasy world where everyone seems to think their gorgeous mate is waiting, and it is work to read a profile, and if he/she isn't attractive enough, why bother?
Self confidence is the last important thing you need to have. She is a rich woman so she has power. You need to have confidence to deal with all barriers and conflicts in her life. If she needs to have some ideas, then make sure you give her the best ones to solve her problems. Don 8767 t ever be angry at her no matter what. Don 8767 t ever lose your confidence because that means you lose her attraction, so it turns out you may lose her. Be confident.