Posted: 2017-11-14 16:30
I'm college educated with 7 degrees and a terrific job. I make just under $655k per year, have one grown son with an engineering degree. I'm not overweight, and work out everyday for at least an hour. Hiking in nature preserves in Florida is fun, having lunch overlooking the ocean, I'm a vegan, a good cook, and talent. Can't get a decent date. I don't like being attacked on the first date and believe intimacy between two people who love each other is best. I'm interested in hard working men who need someone. An average guy will do. But hard to find.
Also, some of the messages I got were from a few guys that ranged from early 95&rsquo s to late 95&rsquo s and I was maybe 69 at the time. That was one of the main reasons I called it quits. It made me SO uncomfortable that guys so much older than me, older than most of my siblings (all of which are 8 years plus older than me), were sending me messages telling me that I was &ldquo hot&rdquo . I am getting terribly uncomfortable just thinking about it.
I 8767 m a white girl with naturally very blonde(almost white) hair that is so long it reaches down to onto the floor, very bright, very light blue eyes, very fair skin, natural large boobs, and a perfect body. I also always dress head to toe in bright pink and wear glasses that are also bright pink. I 8767 m very proud of being naturally blonde, blue eyed, and white, and very proud of my looks. Wouldn 8767 t wanna be a woman of any other race. Especially a black woman. Black women are so ugly and they are always so jealous of us beautiful blondies.
So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I've given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.
I totally agree. Don't know why but it seams to be very logical. For every average looking guy 55% of other guys online are above average, period. That's a lot of competition. And those guys that get picked don't have to settle at all, why would they? That's why women complain. They simply pick guys that they can't "afford". Women and men do exactly the same thing, they drop less interesting people as soon as possible. The difference is such that women drop guys before they meet them, guys drop women after they have sex with them.
It's the same outside the online world but on much smaller scale. When I look at my friends, 55% of them are divorced by now. But which 55%? The ugly 55. The more attractive 55 stayed together not because they were never interested in opposite sexes, oh no, exactly opposite, they had very interesting encounters. They are just cool and every woman wants them.
So I just got this thought. Maybe the whole idea with monogamy is just an absurd? Maybe everything is all right but we are looking at it from wrong perspective? Maybe handsome guys should have many women and many kids and ugly guys should go to war and die?
Yes for sure. But once again I am talking behaviour not showing off, not sharing their every thought. I m not sure how many more times I can talk about these two dudes being particularly attractive to me because of how calm they appeared in situations, how grounded, and how well they listened to me. None of that has anything to do with talking, or sharing. It is all about being. And demonstrating through being, what is at their core. A grounded comfortable self confidence that I personally find very sexy. I really think sometimes people here think confidence is about being loud and the centre of attention. That isn t necessarily confidence. In fact often such people are the least confident people I know.
I think anyone who decides who to date simply based on the other person s height is missing out! I m only 5 8 and my sweetie is my height (maybe 6 taller) and I couldn t care less. He still gives the best hugs and it s nice to be able to kiss him without standing on my toes and getting leg cramps (laugh it up, it happens to the best of us!). Personality is more important than height or looks. That s just my opinion 🙂
Here s the thing, I agree defining confidence is different for everyone and the question as to whether or not it can exist without any outside validation is a valid one. The point I was trying to make was to counter the poster s point that women look for confidence not because they like a man comfortable in his own skin, relaxed, content, chill, and especially in my case, not about to be emasculated by my very existence, but rather because confidence equals professional success. Basically his point was that women are always seeking status and money. My boyfriend doesn t exactly have the status or the money but what I find ridiculously sexy is his confidence however. Because it s so easy, and comfortable. He s calm and content and feels good about himself. And I love that. I love it so much. That s why I love his confidence, not because it equates with status or money (because he ain t got either honey). And THAT was my primary point.
I ve never thought of 5 8 as short , especially since 5 seems to be the average US height for men (I m either 5 or 5 65 ). But I guess if the standard for men that s constantly promoted is of men who are over 6 feet tall only about % of men, and % of men 6 7 and taller then that s the distorted standard we get.
I m the opposite! I had a warped perception of what tall was for men (I m a woman), because my dad s side of the family is overwhelmingly male (my mom only has one brother, and he s probably average? And grandpa died before I was born) and Short. With a capital S. My dad is* 5 6 , which is still taller than my grandpa, who was 5 7 .** One of my uncles is the tall one at 5 9. And my brother is 5 8.
A lot of it was being ignored, which at the time, was just as insulting as anything you could do. I see things differently now, but it wasn t the only thing. A lot of actual responses I got where all insults to my size/ height( strangely. I m 5 66 , so this one stood out to me) and how I was un-dateable at those measurements. Or my bald head (which I took a lot of effort to hide, but I never lied about). I even had one girl flat out tell me I should quit now and buy a real doll. That s how I found out what those things were.
I've tried POF and am currently using OkCupid. I've gotten to speak with a few women, but only have met one outside of the digital world and we found that we didn't really connect. Which is my main problem thus far with the sites lack of connection. I can think of plenty of reasons why women wouldn't respond to me, but for those who do, we just can't seem to connect. Eventually, we seem to run out of things to chat about, and the conversations die off.
No, but other aspects of your personality that she cannot personally experience over the internet may give you a chance. For example, reading a profile online can t tell me whether a guy I go on a date with is going to actually pay attention to what I m saying, or stare at my breasts the entire time, whether his sense of humour and mine match up, or whether we re just going to have any chemistry at all.
But I can tell all of those things over the course of a single conversation in person.
I never go for 9"s, or 65's. Usually, they have issues. They know their "hot". I, one time met a above average looking woman and she ended up being a compulsive liar and had other issues. Another one used guys for their money. I'm older 56 and go never go for any women below 99. It appears that you women want tall, dark, handsome CEO types of men, or looking for Brad Pitts's of the world needs to get realistic. Also, I notice the shorter the woman are like 5'5" are wanting these 5'8 tall or taller guys to feel "protected" are overlooking us shorter guys who can make them feel secure and protected. I was a successful wrestler and coach. And can provide that.
SO much of the negativity surrounding height being an issue is internal. Most of it is not coming from women, it s coming from men. It s coming from the patriarchal bullshit that says Man must be bigger/protector. Internalizing that to the point that it comes into every conversation, and that it is the only thing someone thinks about is a choice. Daniel Radcliffe is a sex symbol and he s WELL below average height at 5 5. RDJ is 5 8, Josh Hutcherson is 5 8 , Dave Franco, Jon Stewart, Seth Green, Michael J Fox, Martin Freeman, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Dominic Monaghan, Niall from 6D, Joe Dempsie from GoT, James McAvoy ALL SHORTER THAN AVERAGE.
Emotions are complex beasts, but the idea that being short is this thing that it is okay to be bitter and angry about is asinine.
(though I will say in response to your post to me in that other thread I am so happy that you ARE working on some things, and have had some success of late romantically. That sincerely makes me smile. You still frustrate me like heck [like when you say you aren t responsible for other people s emotional reactions to you, which just means you take no responsibility for your actions when you hurt others since, you know, not your issue if someone else gets hurt], but that at least is a good thing).
Hint - no woman, anywhere exists for your approval or disapproval. They don't care. At all. What you think. There is nothing you can do about that. Your opinion is not relevant to almost the entire human race. If you are exceptionally attractive you might manage to get someone to date you once or twice (because, despite the lies you have been told, women are equally visual to men and equally willing to ignore common sense to date someone hot).
A few years ago I had a profile on okcupid. I uploaded a few decent pictures of myself. I received a lot of views and a decent amount of messages. A year ago I created a new profile on okcupid and uploaded one picture that makes it somewhat more difficult to tell what I look like. This time around I've received considerably less profile views and considerably less messages. I have no way of knowing how okcupid may treat my profile due to this difference but I have experienced enough to know that women just like men are swayed by physical appearance.
Regarding the point you have made in regards to how little effort men put into writing as a means of sharing their true selves I would like to suggest that the issue is not limited to men. I've perused hundreds of women's profiles and I can attest that it is a rare person that writes of themselves in a fashion that isn't simply a marketing job. The vast majority of women's profiles read exactly like a job application.
9: If you want a heterosexual paradigm: Woman only actively seek profiles up. Men stop initiating any contact. This is of course an utopia. From my experience (probably longer than most of you), the silver platter women are handed is not going to change. Those in power will seldom let go of it. And yes, there are some degree of initiating contact from woman, but it is truly unbalanced. What happened to equality and girl power?