Posted: 2017-11-14 12:42
It might surprise some people here but my height is one of the few things I do like about how I look. It s also one of the few things people don t make mean comments about. That s not to say that I judge short people. I don t. I know many women in my social groups who openly state a preference for men taller than them and that sucks in my book but I m not going to abandon someone for their personal preferences.
I wouldn t say they were always the life of the party, but sometimes sure. But that s hardly status when EVERYONE is an actor. See, it s one thing if you are in a crowd of people and there s something unique about them. But have you ever hung out with actors? Because let me tell you, EVERYONE is the life of the party. It s exhausting. So actually what was so appealing I think about both of them was their lack of need to be the life of the party. Their ability to just listen to a girl as she talked, not needing to talk over her or anything. The second guy, really funny guy, he was amazing at making you feel so special. When he laughed at your jokes you just felt like you were something incredible to be able to make such a funny guy laugh.
For the men, the best way to describe it is an awareness and physical control, like they are 655% present in their body, a casual physicality when they walk, sit, gesture, etc as if they are not thinking of how they appear. The other thing they all have in common is a history (or present) of doing something physically challenging, be it traditional Vietnamese dance, rock climbing, military, marathons, martial arts, yoga, etc.. I think activities like this help with body confidence and presentation.
For me the outward expression represents what the person is feeling on the inside about himself, and it is that self confidence that I find attractive ultimately. It s like someone who is looking for someone of the same religion, sees someone wearing a cross which is an outer example of an inner belief and they think, Ah I should talk to that one! Absolutely you need to be able to show the outside world what you are on the inside because people aren t mind readers. So the people most successful with dating and making friends initially are the kinds of people who are better at showing themselves off. That doesn t it s impossible for those who aren t as good at displaying their virtues for others to see, it just makes it harder absolutely.
Like DNL said, sometimes people think these things are more important or attractive than they really are. To use an opposite-gendered example, lots of men on dating sites filter out women older than themselves. There are probably plenty of women in that pool they d find attractive, but online they can click a button and never even see them. Lots of men filter out women over a certain weight, even though a woman of that size would look fine to them if they saw her at a bar or the produce aisle.
And that s fantastic. Genuinely interested in this, did their insecurities ever turn up (if they existed) or was it constantly just about lively conversations and quick wit. One of the reasons I m asked is because I m sometimes told off for having too caustic and self deprecating aspects to my sense of humour. I make jokes at my own expense a lot. Most of them go down well. Some don t.
I m 6 9 and male and have some opinions on this. First let me say I m socially awkward so height alone isn t enough. I ve dated women from just under 5 to 6. I like it when a woman can look me in the eye in heels (life sized!), but it s really about the individual. Someone else said they don t know what their type is and I am the same, it just depends on her.
I have a friend who works for another nonprofit with whom my work partners on a lot if public outreach events. He is maybe 5 8 and very slender (maybe 675 lbs?), but his passion and commitment to his organization s mission is captivating and he is very engaging both 6:6 and as a public speaker. Women and men walk up to him out of the blue and hand him their contact information and ask him out on dates 9 out of 65 events we go to.
More or less. I understand now how the ignoring responses where probably as polite as they were going to get, so I forgive them for that. It s the rest of it that makes me wonder if I want to date at all with all these terrible people out there. The internet is a great social test of a person, because you don t know someone until you see how they act online, a place with no rules and no consequences for your actions.
Yeah, I m not loving that comparison, either. For one, those people actually experienced abuse. They have good reason to have negative thoughts. That s why CBT isn t used as much for people who ve experienced severe trauma, whereas for people with anxiety or depression, who often experience irrational thoughts and severe bouts of JerkBrain, it makes a lot more sense to take those thought processes apart. Short guys have maybe experienced some name calling/teasing, but the many of them base their negativity on assumptions about what women want rather than things that actually happen, or that even happen to them. That way, if they get rejected, they can just assume, oh, I was too short.
I guess if you re bullied about your height but you still like yourself overall, things might work out differently to if you are bullied about your height and have never understood the concept of liking yourself. I don t like myself. I don t understand the idea. I tend to side with the negativity said about me rather than refute it. I have overcome a lot and there s a lot of achievements I ve made. But I never really felt good about those achievements. Don t understand that either.
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Actually he isn t very handsome. I find him quite attractive, yes, and I will concede he falls into the more generic good looking spectrum than not, but he also has that real nerdy look which I like A LOT (also since this is a thread about height, he s maybe 5 9 tops I m 5 6 ). In fact I was stunned when I first met him (we were friends for years first) that he was a major player. Not in the bad way, just in the way that he would go to bars and pick up girls all the time. He does not at all look like one. And honestly that was one of the reasons I was hesitant to go out with him when he asked.
I have some pretty bad social anxiety and so I am faking most of the confidence I seem to have. My problem is that I am also an extrovert and I love being around people. So it s being miserable and lonely, or being social and terrified for me. I ve learned how to act confident and happy and un-terrified until I can calm down enough to be actually comfortable. Doing that has taught my (high-strung and extremely annoying) nervous system that I will survive the encounter, no matter how scared I am in the moment. It s given me coping mechanisms to calm down. Basically, I ve taught my nervous system that I m ok, I can deal and I can get myself through whatever it is. So it can work. You just need to invest time and energy into it. And maybe you ll never be 655% confident. I m certainly never getting rid of the anxiety. But you can go from 5% confident to 75% to 55% to 85% and that ll make all the difference in the world to you.
Dream signs, which have nothing to do with “dream interpretation,” are essentially a mental catalog of the inconsistencies you normally experience while in a dream. They can be hard to spot, and you may not have many that appear regularly, but they are there. For example, one of my major dream signs is being with people I don’t recognize but still feel convinced I know. If I can establish the fact that this “friend” I’m with in my dream isn’t actually somebody I’ve met before, I can become aware of the dream and may be able to become lucid.
Yeah, exactly. I don t respond quite often because what would be the point of messaging to say, So sorry, not into you. Kthnxbai, and when I have responded before to guys saying I m not interested, a majority of them responded with threats and terribleness. I don t feel bad when guys say how shitty it is to not get a response because a majority of the time women aren t responding because of the extreme amount of men who threaten and put them down when they do respond. I m sorry, but thinking silence is absolutely terrible is nothing compared to the fact that I ve been told to kill myself and had guys give me a list of all the reasons why I m worthless just because I m not interested.
Of course, short is relative what we consider 8775 average 8776 height varies depending on geographic locale and someone who 8767 s 5 8767 6 8798 would consider someone who 8767 s 5 8767 9 8798 (the average for American men) to be lucky. But hey, that 8767 s cold comfort when women are putting 8775 six feet tall, minimum 8776 in their dating profiles and your friends all call you 8775 Short Round 8776 .
To me, confidence is when someone can walk into an unfamiliar setting and with unfamiliar people and feel comfortable, demonstrate comfort with the social norms of the environment, and interact with the people there to the degree that suits them. They can be introverts or extroverts. What matters is not being afraid of not fitting in or committing a social faux pas or looking stupid. Confident people do not worry about that.
Saying I m not responsible for other people s emotions isn t about getting rid of personal responsibility or implying that I m faultless. I don t want to hurt other people. I don t like hurting other people or causing conflict and that s both a plus and a negative in my life. My mental health such as it is cannot survive taking personal responsibility for the emotions of others. That s what I meant by that.
I m 5 8 and dance swing and ballroom, frequently in heels. I m naturally taller than most of the guys I dance with before shoes and hair and I get hit in the head on turns /all the time/. I ve had leads automatically duck down because they re used to it from leading the (mostly) shorter follows that doesn t work when the follow is several inches taller and then I get it in the face. To be fair, I ve learned to duck myself which can help.