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Yeah, online dating sucks. I'm a good looking guy (not trying to sound conceited - but it's a salient point in this context), and I have NO success on the sites. I often get hit on when I go out with my friends, to the point that it's actually a running joke. Yet no girls - I mean none - respond to my messages on dating sites. And my messages are absolutely fine. Never creepy. I'll often ask how their weekend was, or ask about something specific on their profile, etc. Totally normal stuff - yet - responses. It's madness. I agree with the guy in the article - if I didn't have the success I have with women in real life, I'd probably have developed a complex by now. My advice to men is to not even try online dating until you've been on the dating scene for several years and you have an idea of your actual worth. Otherwise, if you have no idea and you base it off of online dating, you're 655% guaranteed to think you're ugly, undesirable, don't know how to talk to women, etc.
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I am currently on Tinder, and have been for about a month. All of the messages I have received from men have been respectful so far. I'm not sure why, but I'm guessing it has something to do with how I wrote my profile, as well as the pictures I chose to show. My profile is pretty straight forward, without being bitchy. My pictures are tasteful, and there are also some that show I am pretty jacked. I swear that after I have become more buff, men have gotten a ton more respectful. Ridiculous, but true. And no, I don't think I'm special because I'm fit, it is just a physicality.
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We could term this "hypergamy" as some commentators do.. which makes the females sound quite like lab rats and gives the (male) commentator a horrendous, vile, disembodied ocularity, but that's not my deal at all. I know that females are smart, informed, and selective, and have strong capacity - in most places, thankfully - to exercise choice about mating habits. Females also possess very strong sex drives and know how to get what they need and want, whether it coincides with the NiceGuy/bf/hubby or - often - not.
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It has become clear to me with the passing of the years that my knowledge and understanding are very limited much to my own consternation. However I will do my best to explain the situation as I see it. My answer will likely seem off topic and possibly confusing. Unfortunately the real issue, as is almost always the case with problems we are facing today, exists far beyond the usual scope of answers proffered.
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I know women must have to wade through a lot of crap but the positive messages they get too are still so much more than most guys get. Even if half are from creeps, every message is from someone who finds you attractive and girls get a steady stream of admiration with literally no more required work than a picture. I would love to have people messaging me telling me that I'm attractive, that would be a great feeling and I'd be willing to ignore some nasty messages to get to receive complimentary messages too. Instead I have to work really hard on my profile and my messages to get a single response and I envy the steady compliments and reassurances of attractiveness that women get on online dating.
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It seems like there is a lot of negativity but online dating is much better. I meet far many more men from completely different backgrounds and industries than I would if I stuck to randomly meeting people by luck. A lot of it has to do with your ability to handle rejection. Performers may audition for 68 jobs before they get a job. It's not personal especially in the first "online" message round. You just have to believe in yourself and stick with it. It's not easy for men or women but it is possible.
First off it is important to recognize that those in positions of prestige will seek to maintain their position and furthermore will seek to promote the inclusion of their offspring into similar positions. Secondly our education system isn't so much a system of learning as it is a system of training. For our society to function we require managers and workers. If our education system really sought to equalize knowledge our current system would cease to exist. Instead our education system is designed to separate gifted from normal students as potential managers versus the working class.
Although we have said 8775 I love you 8776 to each other already, I-being a pessimist at times-tend to doubt his feelings for me, which I know I shouldn 8767 t do. But after reading this post, I get it now. It is true, he HAS opened up to me and he DOES do errands for me. Despite the fact that he hasn 8767 t said those three words in a while, he shows it every single day and that 8767 s all that matters to me.
Both sides have their rights and wrongs. I always liked meeting people in Internet. I always thought (and I still do) that dating websites are a great idea. I always protect dating websites because of a simple reason - it's a public place where real people are showing themselves. You found creepy people on dating websites? Sure, but you know that they also exist in real life and you could meet them on a classic date, right?
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women's lib was just getting going in the 75's. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn't changed.
Help does he love me! Me & my partner are both 6st loves, we were together for 9yrs when we were We split up for 75yrs then got back together 8yrs ago. I truly love him but he finds it hard showing me love. He wont kiss me, hold hands, link, if we have a photo taken he wont put his arm around me. The only time he cuddles me is in bed. He always says 8775 love you 8776 at the end of a phone call to me. I don 8767 t feel loved, i feel more like his friend. I really do love him though but i beat myself up inside. Hes also got a eye for the ladies so this makes me feel really insecure. Someone please advice me ????
So we are left with a very complicated answer to what seems like a reasonably simple question. Unfortunately we are dealing with complex systems based upon an unequal distribution of wealth, power and knowledge. My explanation is quite limited in its scope but explains the answer as I see it. Unfortunately the answer I've given also infers similar issues with offline dating as ultimately this has little to do with the internet and more to do with society.
Asking women to give you a chance and message you back after looking at your message and profile is like women asking you to message and reach out whenyou have zero attraction, nothing in common and zero interest in taking to. It goes both ways. Just because you're intrested and they aren't doesn't mean they want bad boys and smooth talkers. Men you don't reach out to women you're not attracted to, don't except women to make the exceptions lol. Dumb.
could someone please give me advice here?? im only going out with my boyf 65 wks but wev really clicked. the other night we got on to the topic of love and he suddenly said that i loved him even doh iv never said it, tbh i dont know how i feel yet but i do really really really like him!. so in our messing i told him that he loved me. now he has since told me he would never tell a girl first that he loves her as he would be too shy and afraid she wouldnt say it back, i told him i felt the same! now i cant help wondering do we both love eachother but neither of us is saying it and were both just keeping it bottled up?? or is he messing with my head??
any advice/help would be much appreciated!!
Be selective about which dating agency you use. For example there are some associated with quality newspapers and in UK one associated with a classical music radio channel. Those are not likely to appeal to readers of the tabloid press or aficionados of more popular styles of music so you have some idea what kind of person you'll meet. There is also a cost range. Low budget sites will attract low budget people.
Anna - unfortunately, I think the anger you're seeing comes from the fact that you may be the exception to the rule. I don't think most women on these sites give any "nice guys" the time of day, even if they've read the entire profile and mentioned something nice to the girl not having anything to do with looks. Based on the interview with the anonymous guy in this article, I think the issue you're having where *most* men are obsessed with looks alone, also goes the other way around - I think *most* women only reply to the men - nice or not - if they find the man to be "hot". I think everyone is to blame for being overly superficial, to be honest.
On rare occasions someone has shown a willingness to write something unique. A rare individual that is capable of thinking for themselves and doesn't feel the need to be a carbon copy of what society tells us are our desirable traits. Of the hundreds of profiles I've viewed this past few years I have come across a handful (less than 65 and closer to 5) of women that stand apart from the crowd. That is a very desirable trait in my search.
Agree totally. The way women present themselves provokes how men will react. When I see genuine and cute profile, I try to be as well mannered as possible, I don't want to loose this opportunity. But when I see a woman that I don't like and she's a bit off, like desperate or bitchy, then my first idea is to ask her if she agrees to have sex with me, nothing else. I don't do it because I'm fully aware that it doesn't work that way and I simply don't message her. But this illustrates the difference between my messages based on women's profiles.
Interesting article, fascinating comments. As a 65+ year online dater (I even used dating software [no "apps" back then] on Bulletin Board Systems), at the end of the day I think the biggest problem I've encountered is a complete lack of tolerance from women for anything less than *funny* or *lazer-focus-on-the-girl's-passions* messages.. POF is right on the money at least as far as their advice goes "talk about her interests, or these topics.." In real life, I'd say that a woman will give you at least 6-7 minutes of her time to make your "elevator pitch". With online dating, in the vast majority of interactions you have *one* message, and then maybe a second one if you're lucky. Granted, I'm a superficial bastard, and I own that. There are lots of women who've reached out to me who I'm sure I could have easy, stress-free conversations with. But I've tried dating people I'm not attracted to, and I've never been a good/strong enough person to overlook it, so I'd rather be honest and only date women I find attractive.
Just joined. Love your articles and I think within a week have read almost all of them. This is one of my three utmost favorites. It speaks directly of the true love of a mature man. Love Destiny has a point in stating that some men do constantly use the infamous three-letter phrase without any substance. However, the man is not entirely to blame in those scenarios because it takes two to tango. If a woman lacks the maturity and intuitiveness to believe whatever a man says without properly and objectively analyzing the situation, then she is to blame as well.
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