Posted: 2017-10-13 01:17
Thanks so much for the post! I loved this. I have a one year old daughter and have always wondered about this. But, her father has other children so when she is with him she gets to learn to interact. She definitely does not understand sharing yet but hopefully that will come with time. I feel like she is getting the best of both worlds. But Im confused on the 8775 opinions 8776 paragraph. Can you explain?
I so feel your pain but it is so much more. Being a single parent working 7 days a week to provide everything she wanted and needed and provided with praise each and every day with so much love, she reconnected with me 9 years ago, apologising for all of the hurtful things she had said and done for more than 75 years. After 8 months of her reconnecting with me, and myself and my dear granddaughter being reconnected and we have a great rapport, my 85 year oId daughter has once more disappeared from my Iife. When she reconnected with me she was so contrite, with loving words that I aIways wanted to hear
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I am an only child. I would love to say that I turned out just fine! However, as I 8767 ve gotten older I have noticed that the need for 8775 alone time 8776 has increased and the need to control my 8775 people time 8776 has as well. I don 8767 t think I am selfish, it 8767 s just that I require alone time to recharge sort of speak. Yet, the need to fit in means there is a force to bring people into my sometimes awkward world of team me. Yes it is the Carla channel all the time and I have an opinion and story for every situation whether people care to listen or not.
I raised my children as a single parent. I had to divorce their father because his abusive behavior. When I told him to stop, he refused and also refused to get counseling or psychological help. I was the responsible parent, and responsible for their safety so I got us all away from him very quickly, and their lives were never again haunted by any abuse issues. As a parent I poured self esteem and confidence into them every day. I set aside my own professional goals, but worked sometimes 5 jobs at a time, so my hours would coincide with their hours at home and during the weekends. At the time of the divorce my daughter was 65 and my twin sons were 6. They grew up very well. The way I describe their lives is happy, with very successful marriages, professions and financial freedom. That 8767 s because I gave them everything I had, and every resource I had deep down inside of me.
Of course you care! Of COURSE. I 8767 m sorry that you were betrayed by a man you trusted (who hurt your children oh, that 8767 s awful). You know, Joanne, I could say a lot of things here. Tell you to see a counselor, try to get your adult children to one, etc and so on. You 8767 ve probably heard all of that, and may have also tried. Instead of that, I just want to say that you are obviously a caring human being and you are worthy of a happy life. On those days when you 8767 re feeling especially down or worried, I hope you will be your own best friend.
Someone mentioned the children that these grown children are raising. My daughter has repeatedly stated that HER children will have the things she didn 8767 t get. Her oldest is now your typical millennial. He wants to do what he wants when he wants to do it. He wants what he wants and expects others to provide it for him. He says hateful things to my daughter and son in law To me, he is treating them just like he 8767 s seen her treat me all these years.. I don 8767 t wish that on anyone, and honestly, I don 8767 t think my daughter even equates the way he behaves with the way she behaves.
Obviously, not all only children are the same. But they do have a lot in common, having had to learn to entertain themselves at a youg age with their imaginary friends Donald Frosty and Kathaleena Donald, listening to Lou Reed at adult dinner parties, going to bars with their parents and eventually learning to tie a cherry stem in their mouths with their tongue oh wait. Am I just talking about me now? Yes I am. So Only Child of me! Because I 8767 m such a spoiled brat, right?
That is why I am so heartbroken and confused about their rejection of me. Yes, I taught them how to be autonomous, and I set an example of independence, and happy to do so. They were wonderful, loving children. My daughter was a rebellious adolescent, but my sons were wonderful during their teen age years. I feel like I have been bashing my head up against a granite wall ever since they turned 75, to try to just be included in their lives at some level, but I am not. It has been almost twenty years now, and all three of them have abandoned me, with all the actions that all of you have described of rejection.
There is only one way to move on and that is to forgive them, carry no hate, recrimination or anger in your heart. Love is not about weakness, it is about strength. When your child was naughty when you would of had no problem correcting this behavior, why? because you knew it was best for their growth even if they carried on a treat, so at the end of the day there is only behavior, good or bad, or old.
Fearing judgment, you may be embarrassed to share your painful truth. And you may be right to hold back with people at work, or certain friends you feel won 8767 t understand or will judge you. It 8767 s helpful to reach out to a trusted, empathetic friend or two, but whether you can or can 8767 t confide in others, don 8767 t deny your feelings exist. Accept your emotions as normal in the situation.
Strength in love is standing firm against poor behavior no matter the threat. If there is any decency in them they will only see it because of your at the very least will earn you respect. I also suspect that many parents have given so much of themselves over the years that they have forgotten who they are as an individual, one needs to find this in their own life and not through their child 8767 s.
How wrong I was! My daughter turned on me when she went to college. She rarely communicated with me and when she did she started bringing up really petty things about his childhood. Her prom dress was the wrong color or she didn 8767 t get the boots she wanted in the eighth grade. Really ridiculous things. She goes on and on about how wonderful her boyfriends family is compared to ours. I tried to reach out but to no avail.
Most of us have had to accept other disappointing realities during our lives: a loved one 8767 s death, the inability to finish college due to other responsibilities, or an unrealized professional goal. We all have disappointments, but the vast majority of us accept reality and move forward, perhaps in more fulfilling directions. Even after an adult child 8767 s rejection, you have the right to enjoy your life. Dwelling on the past or struggling with pursuits that, at least for the moment, are futile, rob you of precious time.
But, no matter what explanation I give myself, there is no excuse for their awful abandonment of me. They have friends who treat their parents well, so they know how it goes. I am just so, so tired, and I am finding this group exactly at the hour I have decided to just give up. It is another hope and dream that didn 8767 t come true. I have no other way of understanding this, because it is un-understandable. Finally after so many years struggling with this I am too tired to struggle any longer. I am close to being seventy, and even though my doctor says I am in excellent health, my heart is breaking and my body is riddled with pain because of it. I just don 8767 t have the strength to go on with it all. I am so done.
In a study published by National Institute of Health in 7566, researchers found that older adults (median age 66) who forgive others report higher levels of life satisfaction. Forgiving freely, without requiring an act of contrition, (such as an apology or admission), was particularly beneficial. Holding one 8767 s forgiveness hostage to some act or condition was associated with psychological distress and symptoms of depression.
Or, he just doesn’t know how to handle one maturely. When deep issues arise, does he make a joke, change the topic, look at his phone and ignore you, or turn the tables and blame you? “The last thing a man-child wants is confrontation, and he will do anything to stop it in its tracks,” says Weber. Similarly, he’ll have a hard time owning up to his mistakes. “When you try to bring up something serious, pay attention to whether you’re the one who ends up apologizing and notice if the original point of the argument even gets addressed,” she says.
It is hard with grandchildren ,especially when the child alienates you from what ,its not going to get better only an adult child is abusive that is what they are teaching their a vicious subjecting yourself to the abuse ,do not allow them to blame and pick away all your strength by tearing you down with any the parenting mistakes you may have what ,if the adult child has children pay back is not far away. Stop suffering your grown child 8767 s hatefulness ,break free enjoy being free to live a life of your own without the adult child finding you good enough a parent to babysit and so know when they want your help your the best type of crap they pull on there done am not to blame for what a grown child is doing now if I 8767 m good enough to call when need help with stop being abused /taken advantage children will emotionally ,physically and financilly bankrupt you!! They are grown let them make some mistakes too.
Especially around the holidays we can 8776 bring it 8776 show them where you get your strength, show them that no matter what happens that your grounded in faith and yes listen to their stories as if you are concerned, give them all your attention for that short time give them hugs tell them you love them no matter how much hair they lost or how much weight they gained lol laugh when they laugh cry when they cry.
I have heard the aforementioned statement more times in my life than I can count. Yeah, some stereotypes exist for a reason and yeah, maybe I personify a whole shitload of them and at this point in my life I just don’t care anymore that I’m kind of a walking stand-up joke. There are things you should know before dating a redhead (like always bring sunblock), there are things you should know before dating someone from the MidWest (you only THINK you know cold), and there are things you should know about dating someone who is really into EDM (DON’T). The following are a few little heads ups before you get involved with the notoriously most spoiled of all spoiled children.