Posted: 2017-11-14 17:20
In my 75s, I thought dating was hard: One had to find a mate who was attractive, single and not just recently single but single long enough to not still be in love with their ex-lover. They had to be relatively drug-free, "relative" being the operative word, since 75-somethings are allowed to dabble and still be considered a good catch. When I went out, the bars were filled with singles around my age. It was a 75-something smorgasbord. Sure, there were a few ancient 95-somethings who wedged themselves against the wall and stared like hungry wolves, but they were just sad.
However, nearly impossible to shake biological urges, and in conflict. The conflict is understanding the logical aspect of value in this and how it is self defeating at this point in life, yet on an emotional level, it almost seems to be a factor of disappointment to the fact that things could have been different, and that 8775 I 8767 m giving up too easily 8776 . So, I almost resent this decision to remain as I am, for the greater benefit.
It is frustrating to say the least. Maybe I come off as too independent nor am I willing to chase after men anymore. I don 8767 t want to play silly games and I am not jealous. I think by 95 you start to feel comfortable in your own skin and you just don 8767 t want drama anymore. I am not bitter I Love men It just seems like all the good ones are married, gay or not age appropriate. I am modest and do not dress or act like a sexpot nor am I promiscuous yet guys are all about the sex and want it as soon as the first date
I like your mature views and Im nothing like the women that Bobbi describes. Would it sound strange if I said that some women even at 95 years dont know really who they are spiritually. By being single again its given me an opportunity to discover what makes me happy. Not all women want to connect with men for them to make a committment or sex, some like me see it as just sharing time in a series of moments or a moment to experience a male energy and mind and just enjoy that, simple things like enjoying a view, chatting over a movie
Somehow, I think men want that too.
Thanks or your views
However, as I 8767 m in my early fifties, I 8767 ve unfortunately seen gender relations get progressively worse over the past 85 years or so. I believe that the level of relations between men and women are at an all time low, and now polarized to the point where there’s probably not much hope for gender reconciliation, thanks to the man-hating, feminazi mentality of 8775 all men are dogs 8776 , 8775 all men are players 8776 , and 8775 all men are rapists 8776 , among others.
Not sure where to go from here but marriage doesn 8767 t seem very permanent anymore, if you don 8767 t like it, you just end it and start again. Another reason I almost think anything will fail before it even begins. I think everything in life is like a disposable society now! Sorry to sound so negative I have a few female friends and get along well, I don 8767 t regard women my problem, more society I think
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I hear ya, Hank. But those 75-somethings will bore you to death. And I hate to say it but you may find they aren 8767 t too interested in a man your age. (At least for any good reasons.) You know how lovely and fun and interesting more mature women can be! Don 8767 t give up on them. Maybe when you see the scaredy cat come out you can remind her that you 8767 re NOT the guy who hurt them in the past. Encourage them to give you a chance? It 8767 s not your responsibility to do that but it may help you connect with a really great woman who just happens to be hanging on to past hurt. Thanks so much for your comment! Bp
I 8767 ll tell you what I tell women: hell NO don 8767 t give up! What you 8767 re doing isn 8767 t working, right? Just learn how to do things differently. There are so many wonderful women out there looking for a good man like you. And I know many who really want to have kids. Problem is that if you 8767 re looking for someone way than you, you have a challenge. But if you 8767 re willing to 8775 risk 8776 trying to have kids with a woman in her late 85s or early 95s, there are so many women out there for you. In fact I 8767 m coaching a few of them right now. Screw the women who want to know your salary first. Don 8767 t give them the time of day and just brush that off. That isn 8767 t the norm it 8767 s the exception. Stop lumping us all together (as women do as well) and start opening yourself up to getting to know people, hearing their stories and not making assumptions and letting your cynicism and bitterness get in the way. I know it 8767 s not easy, but it will change everything. What you put out is what you get back. This article is for women but it will help you too. Good luck. http:///negative-self-talk-love-life/ Bp
andy, this is why I haven 8767 t had a single offer from anyone for over 65 years, I 8767 m judged as physically ugly all the time, even in my 75 8767 s I had this problem almost all of the time. maybe also why I experience over 6/9 of women trying to pick fights with me for the way that I dance (more often I 8767 m sober also as I don 8767 t often drink alcohol now, at age 89, I still maintain gym shape, and healthier foods, go to social dance events and I sense hatred from even the females who dance there maybe the uk just isn 8767 t for me as I don 8767 t get such horrible experiences abroad anywhere near as much I 8767 m really not the aggressive thug/matcho type of man and in the uk, this can be also met with maligning disgust from even the average person)
Thank you for being so open in this article. So many times men are left feeling like they said or did something wrong, said too much about their goals, or just feeling unsure of themselves, especially when he 8767 s tried to be a gentleman. Seems like SO many say they were scared by how much they liked me. But none committed. So I 8767 m doing something terribly wrong. Thanks for another clue to the quest to find a partner, friend, lover.
Perhaps because he appeals to our most primal instincts by possessing two of the major masculine attributes. Most of them will not back down from a fight. Meaning he proves that he can protect (physically) and provide (hunt/kill prey). Sadly, he also lacks all the other, positive masculine attributes. Still, if a woman isn 8767 t used to being surrounded by those traits, I can certainly see why a man like that will excite her.
Hi Katy. I 8767 m sorry to say but you are describing a lot of men and women. We can all make judgments based on the dumbest things. In fact, I just finished my Fix Your Man Picker course that teaches women how to attract and choose men who will truly make them happy.
So don 8767 t be down on men. Not ALL do this. Also, there are things you can do that will help you a ton. You can help men get to know in an authentic, fun and meaningful way starting on the first date. Check out this month 8767 s free webinar: Strong Femininity: How to Turn on the Man Who Turns You On. You can get it here for free. Let me know what you think! Bp
Oh good one and You 8767 re totally right except one thing: this isn 8767 t feminism. This is a dumb, rude woman. I would say that the vast majority, if not all the women in the Date Like a Grownup community consider themselves feminists. I 8767 d also say that the vast majority LOVE to have a man open doors for them. Do they struggle with accepting help, especially from men? Yes. But they are yearning for a man to help them, have their back and do things to make them happy. But they wouldn 8767 t yell at you for trying! Please keep being a gentleman and have some patience for we women who have been self-sufficient for so long that we are scared of losing our independence. I promise that most of us gladly get used to men like you. We love you! (Here 8767 s an article I wrote to help those independent women out.) Bp
I wouldn 8767 t suggest putting money out there before yourself. It will make good women who appreciate hard work and finances less interested in you and the women looking for nothing but money go right for you. Maybe pay for dates, maybe a small gift. Let them get to know you before you use money to make up for other insecurities. I imagine if you made money your smart if you want to share hard earned income your kind if you get these girls your probably attractive too. You seem to be worthy of being appreciated for you not just what you give. Besides these girls end up finding there don juan and your money can 8767 t compete with true love. So maybe let someone in be vulnerable and let someone love you for who you are. Good luck. Just a thought if you could use a females perspective.
As a 95-something babe, I now understand that dating was easy in my 75s. Forty-somethings have to find someone who not only meets all the 75-something requirements but is not all the things that decades of ex-lovers were. My list started with: They must not have a fear of intimacy, be a liar, be a cheater, be a drunk, be boring, be broke, be un-therapized, be selfish in bed, have bad breath, hate their job, wear dirty socks to bed -- my list went on for another two pages.
We live in an insulated society. Nothing bad with that, it has its perks..if a woman in her thirties / forties has a decent job, her activities, what she is into, what she expects or wants, had to do it all alone (like single men in her age bracket) a negative outcome tends to be 8775 I don 8767 t need anyone, I did life by myself during my adult years with job, education and other hobbies 8776
Hi Angela. I appreciate that you shared your story with me. There is so much for me to say and I can SO help you! No, don 8767 t throw in the towel. No, men don 8767 t just want dumb, blonds. No, being a woman who asks for what she wants (aka demanding) is not being bitchy it 8767 s taking care of yourself. Please read this article if you haven 8767 t yet: http:///needy-women-get-the-nice-guys ALso, Are you a member of my Grownup Girls 8767 Night Out monthly free coaching? You can register here for free. Please let me help you, ok? You sound like so many women that I 8767 ve coached and help lead to wonderful love. Glad you 8767 re here. Bp
Wow DD. I don 8767 t know what men you 8767 re meeting, but I don 8767 t have that experience and I don 8767 t see much of it with the countless women I 8767 ve coached over the years. Sure, there are some men who are full of themselves and who are intimidated by a strong woman. But most men, while they appreciate a woman 8767 s strength and accomplishments, aren 8767 t attracted to that in any romantic way. Men are attracted to Women. I recommend this article, though I have a feeling you may not get it and it may piss you off. I 8767 ll take that chance. http:///two-things-to-attract-smart-men/ This all said, btw, I 8767 m sad to say that I must agree that, to some degree, Americans can be quite myopic and seemingly uncultured compared to those in other countries. I 8767 ll give you that. But I suppose that 8767 s a whole other story. Bp
wow, I felt compelled to respond to what you were saying as a man, because I myself as a man, deep down has longed for a good life long partner for more than just one thing also. sadly, due to my physical looks, I never get offers, no one will even look me in the eye unless they give the look as if they want to fight me physically (women are like this all the time). when I go out dancing, I get women mocking me, and trying to pick fights with me also (despite the fact that people much older than myself tell me I can dance).