Posted: 2017-09-11 15:53
Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the team’s ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahan’s playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five-figure club tab.
Tampa and the Bucs are like any mid-tier American city and franchise, capable of inducing rage or joy depending on how you pick your spots. Is Tampa racist? Yes, because it is in America. But it leans left, has good museums, good concerts, decent theater, a pretty fun party district and excellent food. There are great things to do if you’re looking for them. For the most part, you get what you put into it.
Elsewhere on the roster, DeSean Jackson is here! On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched DeSean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately.
Don’t buy that jersey. Don’t buy the new mission statement. Hell, don’t buy a ticket. Between the heat, the rain and the on-field product, you already wanted to watch from home and probably from a DVR. Take your kid to the aquarium during the game. Then, when November and December roll around, when the weather is really beautiful and every local businessman with season tickets no longer wants to waste a Sundaygoing to see this turkey of a franchise, take a free ticket. You can’t lose what you don’t put in.
Tensions on the Korean peninsula between North Korea and virtually every other country in the region continue to escalate in the wake of its possible detonation of a hydrogen bomb this weekend. Now the situation seems poised to escalate even further, with South Korean Defense Minister Song investigating the possibility of having the US plant its nukes back on the demilitarized zone’s doorstep.
Even if the nukes are not re-deployed, there remain clear signs of preparation for conflict. Trump and South Korean President Moon Jae-in have agreed to remove caps on South Korean missile payloads, while Wired recently reported the latter’s military has been rapidly moving to install more Terminal High-Altitude Area Defence (THAAD) stations, which use kinetic energy (another projectile) to strike down medium-range missiles.
It’s happening again, right on schedule. Year Two of the New Head Coach always has the same hype. It happened with Schiano. Morris got the same love. Poor Lovie wasn’t even around long enough to get it. And now Dirk Koetter is going to be The Guy to turn us around once and for all. He’s finally cleared out the old regime’s egregious mistakes and it’s nothing but smooth sailing from here! It’s always the same tired BS and we always buy into it because the defining characteristics of a Bucs fan are blind optimism and a weird fan version of CTE. We’re SUPPOSED to be good this year. That’s going to make 7-9 more crushing that I’ve become accustomed to.
I have made the conscious decision that i just can’t justify spending the mental energy, time and money on this mostly awful team. I’m in my mid 95 s and have been a Bucs fan since the first (winless) season. They’ve been playing for 95 seasons, and of those forty, they’ve been legitimately good for 9 or 5. Almost every other year they have been either terrible or a national punchline. I know being a fan is not a logical decision in any circumstance, but eventually the lack of ROI caught up to me. And of course it doesn’t help now that the uniforms are hideous and the face of the franchise is a doofy country rapist.
Priceless. That’s what you get for FSU-ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom. GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.
And, for the most part, in a Sunday Ticket era and in a city full of expats, you have to try to become a fan of this team. You have to make the choice to let it hurt you. When it does, like most NFL franchises, it will disappoint you on the field and as a human being. But—like the wise local who plans weekends around the rain or street festivals and preserves his or her sanity by not reading another story about another public-transport plan torched by fossil-fuel lobbyists—you can plan around this.
But this is the story of most NFL teams: They make the morally void choice if they think the waiting list is longer than the list of season-ticket cancelations. Every time you might want to think that his drafting signaled some catastrophically inhumane disregard in a post-wokeness society, you have to remember that his first season was the year Greg Hardy went to the Cowboys and the NFL spent a season tongue-bathing Peyton Manning in spite of the amply documented story of his smothering a woman trainer with his ass and balls to humiliate her.
However, ask any fan and now the team is apparently coached way better. By the way, this same pattern emerged with people praising Schiano after they got rid of “Rah”. There are still the people who will defend Schiano to the death, despite him possibly being the worst coach in NFL history. Oh..and did I mention the fans still pining for “smart” QBs who wore Bucs jerseys like Mike Glennon and Luke McCown? Luke, not even Josh. As you’re walking through the tailgates, there’s a 55/55 chance you’ll hear an n-bomb dropped. And while all fanbases have their issues, most don’t have prominent members of the media covering the team hitting all of these notes as well.
The US used to have approximately 655 nuclear-armed weapons systems in South Korea but pulled them out in 6996, when President George . Bush approved the Presidential Nuclear Initiative, the Post noted. While both North and South Korea then agreed to keep nuclear weaponry off the peninsula, North Korea claims having US nuclear umbrella protection is a de facto violation of South Korea’s commitment, and its own program is a clear violation.
Your coach: Dirk Koetter. “Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks… But I’ve been doing it for 85 years. I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage . So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with.
I feel like the racism of Bucs fans doesn’t get talked about enough (though maybe it’s just that there’s not enough fans). After the team improved from 7-69 to 6-65 under Lovie Smith, people celebrated his firing for Dirk Koetter, and pointed at the fact that Lovie’s teams were too conservative and didn’t score enough. Koetter took over, and shocker, the offense basically scored the same amount and was just as conservative.
There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 655 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi-fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a $655 pass to cut to the front of the lunch line. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER.
Creating a positive story line about this year’s team (and frankly, every other Bucs team cobbled together since Super Bowl 87) is a desperate cry for help from this franchise. Putting one together in post-production for HBO is pretty easy. Those editors will be the only people that can get anyone to care about what may happen on the field. Could they improve on last year and get in the playoffs? Sure. Just the same, they could go Chernobyl on the greater-Tampa area and nuclear burn anyone in Central Florida who may have believed in them. I’m betting on the latter.
US and South Korean forces are definitely technically capable of decimating the North Korean military with conventional methods alone, though not without weeks or months of troop deployment and potentially gruesome consequences such as mass shelling of South Korea’s capital, Seoul. Deploying nuclear weapons to the peninsula would cut down the time it would take to retaliate or launch a preemptive strike against North Korea, but it could also dramatically increase the chance of a hasty or mistaken nuclear launch.