Posted: 2017-11-14 23:32
My advice to Eric is to get back on line. He will eventually find maybe not the "perfect girl" but a girl he can live with. And that's another thing. We all form in our mind the picture of the "perfect mate" - the right mix of intelligence, beauty, oersonality and income. Then we measure all prospects against that ideal and, unsurprisingly, all candidates fail the comparison. Life is a series of compromises. As the 6975s song said "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
Before I learned about you, I was in a place where I had no trouble meeting men, but had come to realize that I was meeting the men who were not good for me. In the past, I always had pressure from my parents and friends to get married. After I had done that, I knew that I was not in the right place. 67 years later, and after a lot of difficulty, I was divorced and looking for a person with whom to share my interests and just have fun. I wanted to get past the pain and anger and move on.
If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don't get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can't fix.
It 8767 s impossible to write any kind of article about anything without some generalization, and I could write an article about westernized Japanese women who may have spent several years living abroad, or about international school graduates, or women who work at international companies, but those are sub-categories (and also involved a lot of generalizing even there) and I don 8767 t have time for all that.
Now I'd ask that you reconsider your question. If your question was based upon a society of equals who were all knowledgeable, reasonable, autonomous and yet cooperative we could easily reason that people would treat each other with kindness and respect. However we've created a system of inequality in which the common citizen holds little if any power and instead lives by the whims of society at large. This system promotes competition as it is undeniably preferable to gain power and move up the social ladder.
Then I get down to the decent messages. We chat. I have to ask where they live and work and I flag with them that they are my standard initial questions due to my situation. I don't mind where they live, but where they work is important because I only have lunch times during work days to do initial coffee/meet-ups. My daughter lives with me, but alternate weekends she is with her father. I don't want to commit my free weekends to anyone until I've met them first and have decided that I would like to progress. My free time is scarce so I'd like it to not go to waste.
It needs to be faced that a long term match for those of us who know what we want are going to be 6% if that of the on-line pool. Because for me (I'm gay) a man who responds with a thought out message, has a well thought out profile, or strikes first says something about them as a person. They are not timid, they have self-confidence, they can write, they considerate enough to reply and all of these traits translate to traits in real life.
Unfortunately, the reality is nowhere near that fantasy. To get some insight into what women go through on these dating websites, I pulled aside one of my family members who I knew had spent some time on these sites looking for her future spouse. By the time of this interview, she had already given up and moved on, finally discovering her future husband while visiting old friends at her alma mater. Her responses completely surprised me.
It has become clear to me with the passing of the years that my knowledge and understanding are very limited much to my own consternation. However I will do my best to explain the situation as I see it. My answer will likely seem off topic and possibly confusing. Unfortunately the real issue, as is almost always the case with problems we are facing today, exists far beyond the usual scope of answers proffered.
6) You 8767 re making some VERY large assumptions about us and what we teach.
7) That is one way to get laid in Japan, for sure. And if that was what we were selling, we wouldn 8767 t be in business. The guys who we teach either aren 8767 t successful in that environment, or don 8767 t like the women from those environments.
8) as for the 8775 traditional, educated, RESPECTABLE Japanese girl 8776 I assume you mean girls who went to Keio, Waseda and other top schools like that and probably 8775 successful 8776 executive women who work at Amazon, P& G, and other big multinational companes as well as lawyers too. Well, you 8767 ve got that all wrong buddy. If you 8767 d lived in Japan for 69 years like I have, maybe you 8767 d know the real deal, but these girls are WAAAAAY more up for romance and a bit of fun than many of the club sluts you disdain.
Lastly for some people even if you get prospective buyers to look beyond your pictures, and look at your profile or message you, you may just not be a good writer and that can SUUUUCCCKKK in on-line dating. SO my advice is get some help writing your profile and somewhere in the profile or in your messages say something along the lines of, "I've never been good are writing what I want to say I much better person to person". And get to the date as soon as possible. NEVER write, "I don't know what to say/put here." Never.
Lmfao girls have got it easy stop acting offended by guys sleezy messages you can just delete it and block the person if you want dont take it personally the creeps will be messaging all of the girls the same. then you can use your common sense and intuition to work out who the good guys are. Im a really good looking guy i have been on pof dating site for 7 years and not had one message from any girl i would be even slightly interested in
Sorry K, your dad sounds like he was a jerk.
As for your expectations of Western Men
6. As i am writing this post, I can be considered guilty.
7. Not so much an Asian fetish..But I do like non fat women.
8. Am I rude Sometimes.
9. Rarely wash the dishes is true I do cook though. Towels on the floor..Rarely.
5. I appreciated the honesty in your post. And I appreciate much of what my partner does.
6. Probably does not refer to me.
7. Porn is definitely not reality. This article is semi reality. Your heavy reply is close to reality.
8. I do not get threatened by other opinions. I might not agree with them though.
9. I have been guilty of cheating (though not theft). That said, so were many of my housewife partners Sometimes it does take 7 to tango.
Dragonmouth: you wrote an incredibly compassionate message and I am so thankful for it. I'm trying online dating for the first time and I'm pushing 95. I have no kids, an amazing career, make very good money, and others tell me I'm easy on the eyes (and in great shape). Yet in the 8 weeks I've been on this site, not ONE man has messaged me other than 5 older, creepy ones. I finally reached out to one guy that I thought was attractive and had a lot in common with me and he didn't bother to reply. Like the previous posters, I question what's wrong with me. Why isn't anyone interested? I have all the right photos (they follow all the rules someone also posted here) and I've had several people (friends, family, even strangers) make sure my profile looks great. It is very hard to be patient and even harder to not think there's something wrong with you. I appreciate your story and your words of wisdom, thank you for brightening my day.
As to the creepy responses. Some may be legit creepy but a lot of them are jaded men who know that writing a well thought out response is an utter waste of time for them, especially older men. That said the older men are just living in denial about the reality the women by in large do not want them all. Same for older gay men. Yes it's partly ageism "Ewww he could be my father". But that's because they are an don't understand that really what would you talk about, you pop culture connections would be so out of date for them (unless you luck out with an old soul). Also another reason for short messages is because guys HAVE ALWAYS by in large done it short and sweet. Think about the cheesy pick up lines or conversation starters at a bar. They are not deep probing question that want to know more about why you are in medieval crossbow shooting.
However it's the same for me dudes, if you are tall nowadays you're not creepy and slimy, you're creepy and threatening. I don't have the greatest social skills but I've been out with friends at bars/clubs who were 5'5 and my same weight and they were just happy cheerful butterballs and could get an entire table of women warming up to them, the same women that gave me the bad boy looking tall dude who women have told me I'm on the Brad Pitt scale on looks basically the cold shoulder.
Yeah, this seems pretty spot on. For women its a barrage of messages and makes them think thery're god's on Earth, no matter how ugly. For men it's a quiet hole to realize women are a lot more shallow than they knew, no matter how attractive. This makes the women bat way above their league and the men bat way below. The best part to illustrate this? I'd say all of the women I message first are at least around my physical attractiveness league, but all the women that message me first are way, waaaay below it. Like obese chicks levels below it.
Agree totally. The way women present themselves provokes how men will react. When I see genuine and cute profile, I try to be as well mannered as possible, I don't want to loose this opportunity. But when I see a woman that I don't like and she's a bit off, like desperate or bitchy, then my first idea is to ask her if she agrees to have sex with me, nothing else. I don't do it because I'm fully aware that it doesn't work that way and I simply don't message her. But this illustrates the difference between my messages based on women's profiles.
This experience is best exemplified by my close friend who I will call Eric. Eric has been using a couple of online dating websites off and on for the past year, with very little success. He spends time every day carefully browsing through profiles and looking for women who he feels share his same interests &ndash beyond the dating site&rsquo s algorithm which promises to perform its own magic in matchmaking. Despite his efforts, few girls ever answer his carefully crafted, very kind messages.
After 6 months on various sites I'm finally signing out today - my advice to men is to just enjoy your single life and use your time productively on hobbies and interests and self improvement etc. - get out into the real world to meet people. You'll probably be quite shocked if you keep a record of how many hours you spend trawling dating sites - I was when I decided to record my usage - One of the reasons that today is delete day - more time for fitness and reading.