Posted: 2017-10-12 03:54
I just deleted my profile on OKCupid and I''ll tell you received many messages from men, some creepy ''hey Baby blah blah blah, some down right offensive, the few that warranted responses, very few I might add, became a back and forth of messaging, I do not understand if the purpose is to meet in person and find if there''s any chemistry why the back and forth messaging? Seems that a lot of men are quite happy to remain behind a screen and those who are up to meeting right away are seeking sex..which is funny really because a woman could go out pretty much any night of the week to a bar and get sex if that''s all she certainly don''t need to go online for sex. One man messaged me and stated he found my profile interesting that we had much in common, we messaged back and forth and then he asked for my cell so we could was 7 weeks ago, never heard from him, it''s like why bother?
But the reason women always slept around is they''re wired that way. As well as the evidence accumulated by Bergner you can look at "sperm wars" and paternity testing for proof. Why do sperm fight and kill one another? They have to if they want a chance at a fertilising an egg, because women have always slept around. And there were a lot of surprised people around when DNA testing of children first became possible.
ANTIDOTE: The way people smell is a big part of sexual compatibility, and there’s not much you can do about that. You either dig each other’s aroma or you don’t. However, if you’re a bad kisser, there’s no one to blame but you. And it’s always a good idea to have real skills in the sack. Nobody’s born a great squash player, calligrapher or lover, so it doesn’t matter where you start. But get better at it. Consult some books, classes and workshops and get thee some skills. Along with cooking and coding, there’s hardly any other learnable skill with such a high lifelong return on investment. I 8767 ve already written a guide for men, but if y 8767 all ladies complain loudly enough in the comments, I 8767 ll consider writing a guide for you.
Hello, this message is being addressed to SIBG. My name is Vira, I am a 79 year old single male and I in fact, have always been single throughout my entire life. For this reason, I have struggled with serious episodes of depression. As a direct result, I at one point, turned to substance abuse. I am no longer abusing substances, however, depression is still prominent in my life. I don 8767 t know how to interact with women, and desperately need your guidance. You are my last resort. Please help, as I have not a single bad intention to harm anyone with the techniques you reveal. Any help would be so greatly appreciated. Thanks so much and God bless you
Well, if your message says 8775 take me NOW, big boy 8776 , it would defeat the purpose. But unless you actually say something, there 8767 s no way for him to tell you apart from the billions of women out there completely indifferent to his existence. There 8767 s a pretty vast middle ground here of expressing interest eg just by saying 8775 hi 8776 without hunting him down, hounding him or asking him to father your offspring.
I totally agree. Don''t know why but it seams to be very logical. For every average looking guy 55% of other guys online are above average, period. That''s a lot of competition. And those guys that get picked don''t have to settle at all, why would they? That''s why women complain. They simply pick guys that they can''t "afford". Women and men do exactly the same thing, they drop less interesting people as soon as possible. The difference is such that women drop guys before they meet them, guys drop women after they have sex with them.
It''s the same outside the online world but on much smaller scale. When I look at my friends, 55% of them are divorced by now. But which 55%? The ugly 55. The more attractive 55 stayed together not because they were never interested in opposite sexes, oh no, exactly opposite, they had very interesting encounters. They are just cool and every woman wants them.
So I just got this thought. Maybe the whole idea with monogamy is just an absurd? Maybe everything is all right but we are looking at it from wrong perspective? Maybe handsome guys should have many women and many kids and ugly guys should go to war and die?
I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn&rsquo t seem like we had anything in common so I didn&rsquo t bother. That&rsquo s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best &ldquo first impressions&rdquo . Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face &ndash you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.
In comparison to the work nice guys have to do, women (particularly average to good looking women) absolutely do appear to have all the advantages. Average nice guys are competing for attention from the creeps, the jerks, the ugly guys, the good looking guys, the hookup bad boys, even other women. All the cards are stacked against us. It''s like a message in a bottle or winning the lottery to catch them at just the right time at just the right moment to get a response.
All this means that if there are many proclivities, it 8767 s probable that your particular ones don 8767 t line up. So if the two of you find out about this mismatch the first time the clothes fly off, it may just be the last time. This has happened to me many times, often before sex even happens. What else do I need to know once I’ve found out that she kisses like a mountain lion mauling a deer? I need to know where I can find my darn pants and car keys, that’s what.
I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don''t see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn''t a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.
ANTIDOTE: This is not the kind of thing you can prevent or control. Shit happens. The key take-away from this is that you should not take such vanishings personally. Even when you’re 655% sure it’s about you, it’s almost never about you. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #7: don’t take anything personally. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run.
I agree Finn. I spent 7 years with a Mormon and couldn''t adjust to religious differences, though I gave it a fair shot. We romantically fell in love. His faith put tremendous pressure on us to start a family, and after we married, I found out I couldn''t have children based on health reasons. That was the beginning of the end. It was heart-rending. On a dating site I can see when having kids is a deal-breaker for a perspective mate.
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women''s lib was just getting going in the 75''s. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn''t changed.
Robin decided he would come out, in the hope it would show Dom that it didn''t have to be a nightmare. He admits that while Dom’s behaviour made him feel lousy he still felt a responsibility to him. "He always said he wasn’t gay, but he didn’t believe in bisexuality, either, and he said it so many times over the years." In the end, it didn''t work out and Dom is now all set to marry a woman this summer. "He’s about to commit himself to a life he can never enjoy, but it’s a testament to my own levels of self control that I’m willing to let him do that."
Women dont send dick pics to guys. That''s why we are not creepy. If men didn''t immediately make everything sexual they might have better luck. I never get guys that ask me about my interest or hobbies. A lot of the men are their own worst enemy. Its their APPROACH that is not working. Guys rant in their profiles. They have few good clear photos or they choose photos with other women in there (and dont crop them out). Most guys put very little effort into their profiles and then they are shocked women aren''t interested. I''ve also had guys get angry because I didn''t respond FAST enough. A lot of men come across as bitter, self-absorbed, shallow, perverted, womanizer. They can be the nicest person but if they display any of those qualities they wont get the time of day.
Yeah..when I was online dating, I messaged quite a few men. SEVERAL. All at a similar level of attractiveness to myself. Not a single one replied. And in case you''re wondering, my photos were quite nice, and my profile was thoughtful and grammatically correct. All the guys online sift through looking for the "hot girls" and don''t give a crap about anything else -- and then whine that online dating is so hard.
I never go for 9"s, or 65''s. Usually, they have issues. They know their "hot". I, one time met a above average looking woman and she ended up being a compulsive liar and had other issues. Another one used guys for their money. I''m older 56 and go never go for any women below 99. It appears that you women want tall, dark, handsome CEO types of men, or looking for Brad Pitts''s of the world needs to get realistic. Also, I notice the shorter the woman are like 5''5" are wanting these 5''8 tall or taller guys to feel "protected" are overlooking us shorter guys who can make them feel secure and protected. I was a successful wrestler and coach. And can provide that.
I am not so much about looks or status myself. Trust me, I have quickly moved on to the next page with six-pack man, successful businessman etc. I personally find it really hard to find men that write a decent profile. I''m not saying they are not out there, I am just saying I have found it hard to find. I have found just a lot of simple profiles. I guess most men on dating sites are not my type. Not that they are bad, but they are just not my type and it shows because most men don''t contact me either.
Dragonmouth: you wrote an incredibly compassionate message and I am so thankful for it. I''m trying online dating for the first time and I''m pushing 95. I have no kids, an amazing career, make very good money, and others tell me I''m easy on the eyes (and in great shape). Yet in the 8 weeks I''ve been on this site, not ONE man has messaged me other than 5 older, creepy ones. I finally reached out to one guy that I thought was attractive and had a lot in common with me and he didn''t bother to reply. Like the previous posters, I question what''s wrong with me. Why isn''t anyone interested? I have all the right photos (they follow all the rules someone also posted here) and I''ve had several people (friends, family, even strangers) make sure my profile looks great. It is very hard to be patient and even harder to not think there''s something wrong with you. I appreciate your story and your words of wisdom, thank you for brightening my day.
I''m a writer, so my profile tends to attract men with a high intellect or a desire to find an emotional match, so they comment on something I''d written primarily. However, the ones that catch a peek at my attractiveness or curvaceousness do mention it in their first message and their ssecond message and their third message and in text messages and, sometimes, on a first date where it''s inappropriate and, for lack of a better word, "creepy."