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The Rules Revisited: The Dynamics of Dating Shy Men

Posted: 2017-10-11 07:45

I think the idea of fake confidence is that people will react positively to someone who displays behaviors that often come from confidence. If one who isn t confident apes those behaviors, even if they aren t made more confident, others will react better to that person. The positive reactions from others is what s supposed to build the confidence, not the confidence acting, or at least that s how I understand it.

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It is my decision, as an adult, to remain happy and not compensate my ethics and morals for someone who refused to even give someone important to me a chance. Many people will tell you that in life there is nothing more important than family. But you have a responsibility to ensure that your family is healthy for you. Dr. Phil often says “sometimes you have to give yourself the love and care you WISHED you got from others.” Amen.

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pinot... you shored this up very well. There is something alluring about a black woman that is difficult to communicate verbally. I think you summed it up beautifully. The black women I have dated make me feel more like a man, without compromising her strength and femininity. A good friend of mine is married to a black lady. He sums up the difference between a black woman and white woman as follows. If you are out in public, and another woman begins harassing you publicly - your black girlfriend will come to your defense and need to restrained from hitting her upside the head. The white girlfriend, jumps inside the car locks the door and calls 966 with you still standing outside.

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It s funny how there are an absolute ton of people who are thin or average sized who aren t sporty at all and who love to sit around watching TV or playing video games, yet it s rare for people to have as many objections to dating them as they have to dating fat people. Hell, a lot of people who don t want to date someone fat are TV-watching, video-game-playing, gym-hating sorts themselves.

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It hurts. It hurts to know that people can 8767 t learn to forgive. It hurts to know that in order to love somebody it has to be in our own 8766 race 8767 . It doesn 8767 t make any sense. And I would never follow advice from anybody who told me I could not date the man I love. Even if it was my own flesh and blood. I do not understand your pain, you are correct in that. But I also do not understand why a whole group has to be blamed for what happened all the way in South Africa. It 8767 s not helping with anything and it 8767 s just digging you into a deeper hole. I maybe but I am also very observant in my surrounding ans research.

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Yeah, I m not loving that comparison, either. For one, those people actually experienced abuse. They have good reason to have negative thoughts. That s why CBT isn t used as much for people who ve experienced severe trauma, whereas for people with anxiety or depression, who often experience irrational thoughts and severe bouts of JerkBrain, it makes a lot more sense to take those thought processes apart. Short guys have maybe experienced some name calling/teasing, but the many of them base their negativity on assumptions about what women want rather than things that actually happen, or that even happen to them. That way, if they get rejected, they can just assume, oh, I was too short.

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For example: I was at a good friend s wedding in September. This group of friends and I have all been very close for over 7 years, and I m the only single female (this is important because no one gives a shit that the single men are single due to Bachelor status.) One of the girls who I was best friends with decided to take it upon herself to make several jokes throughout the weekend that I m going to die alone and that no man can stand to stay with me for very long. Yes, it was frustrating and hurtful, but no I didn t lash out or let anyone know I was angry because there s nothing good that will come from reacting in such a way, and doing so would give her the power. I removed myself from her presence and mingled with the rest of the party as if nothing was wrong.

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According to the CDC s National Health Statistics Report in 7558, the bottom quartile starts at 5 7 , or . It seems like most men s heights cluster around the middle the middle two quartiles are between 5 9 and 5 . So half of American men over 75 are within 7 inches of each other in height, which is why the math doesn t look like one might expect.

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I don t agree with lashing out based on moods. I don t throw my anger at people in social situations. I don t raise the topic of my barriers in social situations in real life either. Here was just about the only place I vented that stuff. But I do find myself angry and frustrated about such things from time to time. It s not as easy as just not being angry about such things.

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I m aware of the CBT idea of challenging and recognizing negative thought patterns. They re actually revising much of that now to focus less on thought stopping and challenging and more on mindful acceptance and recognizing that such thoughts are just thoughts. Which I think is a much better treatment. But if something has been a part of your life for a long time, you can t really just make the conscious decision not to have that attitude about it anymore.

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Sure but if you note the actual components of said personality (the passion, the humor, and the knowing where they stood on a lot of issues) they were all very positive qualities, just... dialed up to eleven. They definitely all had their insecurities (and at least two of them told me they felt weird about being short) but the fact that they were so goddamn happy and enthusiastic to exist as themselves made these guys energizing to be around. ((Side note: I think it can be hard to find the line between confident and arrogant. For me, that line was that these guys seemed sure that they were occupying their own lives and decisions the best possible way, that their interests and values were worthwhile and worthy, but they had no problem with questioning their own assumptions of what was best when it came to other people s lives and choices.))

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You still haven t answered me about the kind of confidence your unattractive friends demonstrate. It s one thing if someone is confident in their skills but not confident with people. That is definitely something that will hold you back. When I say confident, I mean confident in all areas. I mean confident in pretty much every situation. Not good at everything, not perfect, but just so at ease with himself that failing isn t a humiliation, and not getting the girl isn t a sign of his lack of worth. Again, I agree, I think you need to have outside validation to get there for sure, but I also think there are certain kinds of people who just assume the worst of everyone and every situation and they become a self fulfilling prophecy.

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Here s the thing, there s always a list of what to do and what not to do. But in the end it all comes down to respect the other person. Rules can be broken, and that s okay, so long as there is respect and decency. It s not about going, HA! See! Women DO want you to push them! It s about this one guy who liked this girl, and she deep down liked him too but had societal pressures about height overwhelming her decision. It was about mutual respect. And man, did they have that in spades. The way they looked at each other... they were these amazing luscious romantic people. I would be in the living room watching TV and they d be slow dancing to no music in the kitchen. They clearly were right for each other.

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I m fine with the idea of not dating certain people because of their height, but throwing a fit about it after going out for a while is just beyond moronic. I ve dated several women taller than me, and I never had an issue with them being in heels. Granted, the height difference was never more than an inch or two, but if anything I d argue that made the extra heel height more significant.

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To me, confidence is when someone can walk into an unfamiliar setting and with unfamiliar people and feel comfortable, demonstrate comfort with the social norms of the environment, and interact with the people there to the degree that suits them. They can be introverts or extroverts. What matters is not being afraid of not fitting in or committing a social faux pas or looking stupid. Confident people do not worry about that.

Just see where conversation takes you. And if it doesn t flow, it doesn t flow. That s okay too 🙂. And there s always pop culture to begin with. Just to start things off. Or heck, if something weird (not bad or frustrating, but truly odd and interesting) happened to you that day, bring it up: It s great to see you! How are you? a little chat, maybe talk about work, then. OMG, this crazy dog today ran out into the middle of the street and caused a traffic jam. I saw the whole thing! Chances are the other person might then have a dog story or two etc. That sort of thing 🙂.

After reading the comments I don 8767 t know how to feel.. Most people on here hate black men. I mean especially when it comes to women. When I 8767 m walking alone in a mall, store ect.. people mind their own business but if i happen have a white girl I turn heads like a traffic accidents. Probably the reason I don 8767 t date white women very much anymore there 8767 s too much hateful ,fierce,desperate energy coming from white men so I said 8766 forget it you can have em 8776 . Whats funny and what people don 8767 t know about is i get hit on by white women all the time some stare, some come right up to talk to me.. I 8767 m tall, muscular, educated and played sports all my life. My first love who I was with for 7 years in my 75s was a white girl and I was only partial excepted by her father because I was in college and wasn 8767 t a thug. She eventually gave in to society and married a white man the same age as her father.

Then you wonder why
BW have attitudes! Rather than have an attitude, I rather go where I 8767 m
being treated well, in the arms of WM or other race! Ain 8767 t nobody have
time for BM practics and BS! Those days are over especially as much as
you put WW on a pedestal for over 95 years, you really need to STFU!
You didn 8767 t have any kids and didn 8767 t do a damn thing with your life! Your
White wife was the breadwinner while you stayed oniine whining about BW
and chasing WW P*ssy in your spare time, You wouldn 8767 t even help your
wife with her business! SMDH

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It s a no-no to post pictures of nature, cars, or other people on your profile page. It s like you are putting on a mask and want to conceal yourself. Women deserve to see the real you, so make sure you upload recent photo that are of good quality. Your profile photo is the first thing that a woman will notice, so choose the best picture to attract her attention.

There are some compatibility tests that promise to find a perfect match for you. Some dating sites offer their users the chance to complete a questionnaire that will facilitate their search for an ideal partner. Those tests cannot be 655% precise because the questions they ask are very personal, and you can t be totally frank with yourself. Love is a mystery it s an irrational feeling that can t be figured out by some tests or calculations. You ll realize that a person is your match only after you get to know each other better.

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