Posted: 2017-11-15 01:02
I think this is very significant and true. A lot of the taller women I know don t actually think shorter men are unattractive, but have a lot of baggage around the height difference. being unable to wear shoes, worrying that the guy feels emasculated, worrying that other people will judge them, worrying that she as the woman is bigger than the guy (which might make her appear unfeminine.)
I would be curious. Do you think you really need to 8775 game 8776 these girls? What I mean is, so much of textbook Game is about navigating the WESTERN female dating market and succeeding in THE WEST with women. Granted, 8775 female nature 8776 and all but in a more traditional setting, I suspect just being a straight up dude with his shit together probably goes a long way. Add in some humour, leading (you plan the date, how complicated is that?), and simple balls to go for a kiss to determine real interest in you what else do you need?
For what it s worth, as a guy of average height, it never occurred to me until I started reading online personals that height was A Thing that anyone would be concerned about in relation to physical attraction. Maybe it s because I m kind of oblivious, or maybe it s because I was really skinny growing up and made my peace a long, long time ago with the idea that the women I dated were very likely to be larger than me in some respect. Anyway, I can t be the only one out there who doesn t give a crap either way!
I ve known people who can fake confidence up until something unexpected happens and it all falls apart and they are unable to recover. Myself personally, I can t help but here a voice in my head telling me to stop lying to people about it. I think personally my issue is more related to self worth than confidence, but I ve always had an issue with the fake it till you make it mentality, primarily because I ve never been able to fake it. I either have it or I don t.
I want to imagine it s just a knee jerk reaction to being shot down for something like that. We (the rejected in this case) need to feel like there is a good reason why they rejected me due to something outside of our control. At least, that s my thoughts on it. It s part of why I think dating and approaching is as much about finding someone and weeding out people you can t/ shouldn t date.
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I m noticing a pattern here. You seem to think that anyone who lacks height has to have everything else going for them just to be considered attractive, whether that s the teams that spend their every waking minute here or the exact job, sense of humour, appearance in response to the notion of a short man sharing some possible advice. You seem to think that any deviation in any way from one person who makes it automatically means that everything that worked for them has absolutely no chance of working for someone else.
What causes confidence? The answer is success. The most confident people tend to be those who are the most successful, hence the ease in which they interact with those around them. So, to me anyway, when women say they find confidence attractive, they mean success and use confidence as a stand in to make it sound less shallow. It also gives credence to the belief that LMS (looks,money, status) is all that matters. As the most confident men tend to possess one or more of these traits.
I don t believe it works that way.
I think what needs to be done instead is to accept some base truths. You got to accept that you are equal to others. We are all good enough (or suck equally, depending on how you look on it). And because of that, you don t have to cover up your weak sides, you don t have to act in a way that seems foreign to you, and you don t need to fear people being critical about you.
(If they are, you can cooly judge if they got a point or if their criticism is ridiculous.)
Now, I have mentioned that I understand now why I would get no response, and its logical, just at the time I didn t. I don t mean to compare my issues to issues woman have with OLD, because I have no real idea about all the issues they deal with during OLD. I only really hear about the worst of the worst and your right, it s no comparison. But it doesn t absolve the way I used to think.
Frustrations sometimes do permeate into interactions and that too is part of the human experience. It s not something that can be ditched and shouldn t be unless it s seriously destructive or aggressive. You don t learn in anger management therapy to ignore your emotions. You learn to process them. Which involves feeling them. Accepting and allowing them to exist. We re allowed emotions. We re allowed to feel bad.
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Well you might have a wide range but it s super easy for others to just click on a button that gives a height range without really thinking what that means (ditto weight, age etc). I think people can become more superficial and more specific online sometimes. And often without realising that maybe what they are looking for is outside of those ranges, because we don t actually always know what those ranges mean in reality. It s just what we assume them to mean.
I have some pretty bad social anxiety and so I am faking most of the confidence I seem to have. My problem is that I am also an extrovert and I love being around people. So it s being miserable and lonely, or being social and terrified for me. I ve learned how to act confident and happy and un-terrified until I can calm down enough to be actually comfortable. Doing that has taught my (high-strung and extremely annoying) nervous system that I will survive the encounter, no matter how scared I am in the moment. It s given me coping mechanisms to calm down. Basically, I ve taught my nervous system that I m ok, I can deal and I can get myself through whatever it is. So it can work. You just need to invest time and energy into it. And maybe you ll never be 655% confident. I m certainly never getting rid of the anxiety. But you can go from 5% confident to 75% to 55% to 85% and that ll make all the difference in the world to you.
Haha, yep, most of the women I ve dated have been on the heavier side. And I ve heard a number of people make comments to the effect of how my type tends to go for your type. Not sure exactly what it is psychology? biology? gender nonconformity? conditioning? but I do feel that simply deciding not to worry about relative size was indeed a factor for me. It didn t start out as my #6 preference, but it quickly became a significant and lasting one. Which is why I m always a little skeptical when people say you can t help who you re attracted to. Sometimes there s just no attraction even if you do give it a shot (and I know this firsthand), but grownups can absolutely develop new tastes, if they are reasonably open to new experiences, receptive to good overall vibes, and looking for reasons to say yes instead of no.
Here s the thing, I agree defining confidence is different for everyone and the question as to whether or not it can exist without any outside validation is a valid one. The point I was trying to make was to counter the poster s point that women look for confidence not because they like a man comfortable in his own skin, relaxed, content, chill, and especially in my case, not about to be emasculated by my very existence, but rather because confidence equals professional success. Basically his point was that women are always seeking status and money. My boyfriend doesn t exactly have the status or the money but what I find ridiculously sexy is his confidence however. Because it s so easy, and comfortable. He s calm and content and feels good about himself. And I love that. I love it so much. That s why I love his confidence, not because it equates with status or money (because he ain t got either honey). And THAT was my primary point.
I was going to say something similar to Eliza Jane. Also, as a sender of messages, I wouldn t prefer someone messaging me back to say they aren t interested to someone simply not responding, so it wouldn t necessarily have been clear to me that others would prefer an explicit no. After all, I m getting the same answer either way. This is good information to know, honestly.
I m 6 9 and male and have some opinions on this. First let me say I m socially awkward so height alone isn t enough. I ve dated women from just under 5 to 6. I like it when a woman can look me in the eye in heels (life sized!), but it s really about the individual. Someone else said they don t know what their type is and I am the same, it just depends on her.
Also about that height and I so relate to this! My SOs have ranged between 5 7 -ish and 6 5 -ish, with the notable exception of one recent ex who was 5 9. It was the most amazing experience, cuddling with someone my height. And being able to giggle about being tall (for once in my life!) in heels. And kissing without breaking my neck. I would most definitely do it again. In a heartbeat.
But what about artificial height-extenders such as boots or lifts? I 8767 m not in favor of them to be perfectly honest. I had a pair of New Rock boots that made me a good three inches taller which felt amazing. But at the same time well, those shoes had to come off eventually and the women noticed that suddenly I was at boob-level instead of eye-level. A subtle lift one inch or less can be a confidence booster but honestly, it 8767 s just a shoe-version of Dumbo 8767 s magic feather.