Posted: 2017-11-14 15:21
No, they had josh and named him josh, then they got pregnant a second time and thought its be neat to have a son (friend and brother) for josh called caleb (because of the bible story) but they miscarried caleb then they got pregnant with twins and liked the names Jana and John-David so they name those two that then they thought that if they only had one more they couldn 8767 t leave that one as the odd one out without a j name so that 8767 s where it went on from there.
A child needs to know when they have upset you. Yes, this is true. But when you saying 8775 YOU are making me angry right now. 8776 You aren 8767 t teaching the child the difference between correct and incorrect behavior. You are teaching them that there is something wrong with them. That they make you angry. Saying, 8775 When you do that it makes me angry 8776 helps focus the negativity on the action that you don 8767 t like rather than your child.
This does two things. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened. Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else. By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it. Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound. Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them. 8775 Do you choose to tell (Mom) what happened, or choose for me to tell her with you there to make sure that I explain it correctly? 8776 This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.
I most certainly don 8767 t thank my parents for spanking me. And respect is earned, it isn 8767 t demanded. A child who is respected from birth, will respect. It 8767 s literally impossible for a child to equate a spanking with being respected. When my parents spanked me, it wasn 8767 t because the were trying to teach me a valuable lesson (aside from, 8775 you angered me and I 8767 m bigger than you, you I 8767 m going to hit you 8776 ) they were trying to control me control me absolutely. But, perhaps parents like you enjoy seeing your children in therapy? My mom sure doesn 8767 t. Breaks her heart to know how much she 8767 s damaged me and my siblings.
In an attempt to be kind and loving to children, parents tend to ask kids for their approval. I understand the rationale behind it, but I believe it becomes a habit when trying to convince a child to comply. Parents will often say, 8775 We are leaving the playground now and we 8767 ll come back again, okay? 8776 The reality is that asking your child if it is okay sets you up for an argument when the child says no. You already know that he doesn 8767 t want to leave, or you wouldn 8767 t be negotiating with him. Train yourself to state things in sentence form, while acknowledging the child 8767 s feelings. 8775 Kevin, I know you want to stay and play, but it is time to go. We can come back another day 8776 . This helps the child feel understood, but still communicates that leaving is non-negotiable.
#6 bothers me. When applied to coloring grass purple, it 8767 s great. It 8767 s certainly a good thing to encourage creativity, and unless the child was specifically told to color things the proper colors or color by number as part of an assignment, purple grass isn 8767 t hurting anything. However, when applied to sitting backward in a chair, it seems problematic. Sometimes, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to do things for no easily explainable reason, and in many situations, it 8767 s not socially acceptable to sit backward in a chair. Teaching children propriety and social skills is not overparenting, it 8767 s preparing them to live in the real world, where sometimes you have to do things a certain way because you were told to by authority, whether or not you know or agree with the reasoning behind the order, or because not doing them in that way would be considered rude or inappropriate by the majority of the society you live in.
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Sort of agree, while I agree many kids are bratty and entitled these days the way my generation was spoken to didn 8767 t do us any good. Many of us walk around with no confidence, aren 8767 t assertive and not successful. Kids need boundaries but you can have those with destroying them. I think some kids are brats because they get too much stuff, never do any chores and are over entertained, chores give something real to give praise for and boredom helps build identity as you force a child into doing something independently of their parents, we are making little people who will leave home but why not speak to your kids with respect and explain your reasoning? My daughter is very articulate and thoughtful because we talk things through.
I can 8767 t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective. First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you. Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don 8767 t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. Then we contradict our credibility. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices. 8775 If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment) 8776 . You might say, 8775 Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day 8776 . This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.
On a positive side I agree but you must still not withhold the rod of correction when needed to do so.
but with strong willed children you have to put your foot down with a rod of iron, specially while they are still very When they are teenagers and you didn 8767 t teach them the fear and love and respect of you while they 8767 re will have problems for sure!
We are all teenagers once, a two yr old once and we push those limits one way or the other you can 8767 t tell me you never tried to push the limits to your parents even once.
Modelling is the best form of teaching. It is important to think about the message that all of our actions and verbalizations send to children. They internalize everything, so it is so important that the messages we are sending when we say we are upset or a behaviour is not acceptable reflect the behaviour itself and not the child. So many of the things our children do are reflections of what we do as adults and we don 8767 t even realize it until we really stop to look.
When I was a child and fought with my brother, I would complain to my mom that he made me mad about something. She would (and still does) respond with 8775 No one can make you feel anything. You choose to get mad. 8776 At the time, I hated that phrase. However, it is very true. Parents tend to let their children control their emotions, when it is the parent who is ultimately responsible for how they feel. It is also important for kids to understand that they choose what they feel, and they are not creating emotions in you. Train yourself to say, 8775 I need a break right now because I am getting upset 8776 or 8775 I am angry right now 8776 . You can communicate your feelings to your children without placing the burden of cause on them.
I have to correct you on that one. Most kids know already when and why they shouldn 8767 t do something they just don 8767 t care to follow the rules because they want to do that thing. It is more than acceptable to say 8775 Stop/No/Don 8767 t do that. You are going to hurt yourself/you are going to break that. 8776 As a parent, YOU are the authority. Your kids need to know that they have to listen to you. While I agree that you shouldn 8767 t just say 8775 Don 8767 t do that, 8776 pairing it with a reason is okay. If they get used to hearing no with a reason, you should be able to just say no and your child will think 8775 when she says no it usually means something bad could happen 8776 .
The Bible is pertinent because if I must an I quote does state 8775 if you spare the rod you spoil the child 8776 and I raised up with a little fear, witnessed an can testify to others that did and thank God for it and the lessens learned behind it, but it was a different kind of fear it was healthy for your well being if you can understand the meaning of what I 8767 m saying, 8775 You don 8767 t do this or that because their are consequences 8776 as children and once we are adults and I say this to kids and people all the time not because I 8767 m a professional in the field but because I am a parent, an educator, and of my guidance from life 8767 s lesson 8767 s combined with prayer and the Bible by my side
These 8775 rules 8776 are telling parents it 8767 s ok to baby their children. If a child doesn 8767 t learn how to control themselves and follow rules when they 8767 re then they 8767 ll have a hard time when they move out, get a job, and try to start a life. If you coddle them and constantly have to build there confidence up they 8767 ll expect others to do the same. If they don 8767 t learn to take responsibility and don 8767 t get told 8775 no 8776 they 8767 ll expect handouts and won 8767 t work for what they want. We 8767 re being too soft on children these days.
Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose. Of course, there will be times when a task must be completed in a certain fashion (homework, etc.). However, many times we force kids to do something the 8775 right way 8776 , when it could have been done in several ways. If a child is coloring the grass purple, it is easy to tell them it must be green. A kid can sit down on a chair facing the back, and we make them turn around. Train yourself to acknowledge their behavior without a judgment, such as 8775 You chose to sit the other way on the chair 8776 or 8775 You colored the grass purple instead 8776 . This gives them the freedom to be creative and discover things without expectations.
Children are programmed to question, analyze and wonder about situations. This can sometimes present itself in an argumentative manner, but this is actually a normal part of development. Instead of cutting off the conversation, you can say, 8775 I know you want my answer to be different, but it will not change 8776 . You can also train yourself to make sure the child fully understands your response, with 8775 I just told you my answer. Do you have a question about it? 8776 This allows the child to present their opinion or get clarification. Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument.
I have spent a good deal of time on articles on the difference between Praise vs. Encouragement , and this phrase is arguably the most commonly spoken praise children hear. Train yourself to respond with 8775 You did it! 8776 or 8775 You got it! 8776 or 8775 You figured it out! 8776 . Notice the common element is starting with the word 8775 you 8776 and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.
It 8767 s not 8775 better 8776 to have so many children that you 8767 re incapable of caring for them yourself. It 8767 s not the responsibility of your older children to raise your children. If they really both 8775 loved children 8776 they wouldn 8767 t have had more children than they had time for. How much time have any of these children spent with either of the 7 people who created them? I won 8767 t call them 8775 parents 8776 because parents raise their children. These 7 do not. Having as many children as you can produce has nothing to do with their love of children. It has to do with their Quiverful cult. They view children as 8775 arrows 8776 to fill the man 8767 s quiver. Arrows to build their Christian Army which God will look upon favorably.
Thank You Helen I can agree with you mostly but in following this conversation can anyone of you say that you know what the word BIBLE means 8775 Basic Instructions Before We Leave Earth 8776 a pivotal part of 8776 being able to understand, and learn how nuture and raise our children along with some of the ideas that have be proven to be trusted and tested by professionals so that we don 8767 t raise and teach our children to follow and learn the ways as such like the 8775 Charleston kid that murder the nine people while in church 8776 seems to me had he a little fear of somebody or something maybe those people would be alive today and he would be free, Amen Amen