Posted: 2017-12-07 23:24
You can be completely forthright and fair about whom you date but society will force you to consider these extra circumstances. I don x77 t walk around like, I x77 M DATING A WHITE WOMAN! I never have. I fall in love indiscriminately, but third parties will never let it be that simple for me. They x77 ll always question my motives, and despite having no agenda, I have to think about beauty standards and how they influence me, subconsciously or not. Black men who are confused and self-hating muddle this further, and even more so if they have biracial children who turn out to be the same way.
Forgive me for saying this, but I have a hard time stomaching this trend. Just because you were raised in a family of women, or that you&rsquo ve slept with so many of us that you could start a national sorority comprised of your sexual conquests, doesn&rsquo t make you qualified to tell me how to increase my chances of getting married. And let&rsquo s not forget that the statistics say that Black men aren&rsquo t buying into marriage either. Hello? That&rsquo s like Johnnie Cochran giving the State of California inside information to gain OJ Simpson&rsquo s conviction. As commitmentphobic as Black men supposedly are, I think there&rsquo s a valid reason to say that this advice dispensing could be viewed as a serious conflict of interest.
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I think black men sometimes find it easier to date white women because white women don''t have to deal with what black women have to deal with. The same goes for black women and white men. America has created a great divide with slavery that affects black men and women. However the white women I dated were as oblivious to my plight as a black man, as the black women were. --PETER, 99, Black, divorced
I met my first girlfriend during my sophomore year of high school. She was white. Race wasn x7569 t the only reason why we broke up within weeks, but the fact that I was a Black boy certainly didn x7569 t make things easier. She felt like she had license to make mean jokes about Black women. She depicted them as loudmouthed, unintelligent, tacky, and undesirable. She argued that she was just keeping it real, basing her observations on girls at her school, and views gleaned from other Black boyfriends she had in the past. From time to time, she also performed an annoying shtick that involved acting ghetto that she thought was hilarious.
That week, Drew and I went to a Braves game, and had to walk through "the hood" at night to get back to my home. I was frightened and my senses were heightened, because I was a woman, who didn''t look like the locals, walking through the hood near midnight with my full purse slung across my shoulder. And I was walking with a White man during one of the most racially tense weeks of the year. I felt like a mark.
If you mean to appreciate part of Black culture, that has to include learning about the history of what you x7569 re appreciating and about the struggles and achievements of the people you x7569 re borrowing from. Then you x7569 ll be the kind of ally who x7569 s informed enough to honor our culture in a way that supports us x7569 instead of just taking what you like and hurting our community.
Bea, This was a great article. What you stated is so right on, you should also take into consideration the geographic area as well. I did however have a question for you, I would like to know, once you and your date stood there outside the establishment in total awe and in all of the emotions that had just come over the both of you, what did you do afterwards? Did you both just let it go or did you bring this to the attention of the security person the matter at hand? In taking on the issues that black men and women face in tis society, the best way to educate and address these types of issues is to make the culprit aware of their actions! If we as a people continue to just be in awe and carry the painful feelings that stem from those types of behaviors and actions, then we are just as guilty as the oppressor. So I was curious as to what your final outcome was with the situation. Look forward to a response. Councilor Thomas
I never really think about race while dating unless somebody else makes it an issue or I notice that the way a white woman I x77 m with looks at something is flawed because of her upbringing. But that x77 s not a dealbreaker. I view it as an opportunity to educate and eradicate even a small amount of ignorance. If I explain some racially complex subtlety of life to my white girlfriend, that x77 s one more white person who knows why using ghetto as a pejorative is cringeworthy and offensive. That x77 s one more white person who knows why I x77 m going to arrogantly list off my academic and professional achievements if some white person asks me if I play basketball. And I do play basketball. But don x77 t assume that that x77 s how the fuck I got by in life because I x77 m black and tall. And I x77 m going to go off if you say some dumb shit like that to me. But outside of those situations, I x77 m not thinking about race like that. I x77 ve always just dated women who made sense for me. I x77 ve never gone into it thinking, she should be white.
The thing is, I have to consider that while I x77 ve hooked up with women of other races, just about all of my girlfriends in life, since I was 68, have been white. What does that even mean? Am I secretly one of those black guys who thinks white women are better and hotter and I x77 m just not ignorant enough to admit it? I x77 ve never gone out of my way to reject black women I just have way higher success rates with white women. I went to a black high school and I wasn x77 t on any of that thug shit and I x77 m not saying all black women want thugs, but at my high school, a lot of them did and they didn x77 t really care about me. And that x77 s fine. I wasn x77 t like, Oh my God, black women don x77 t want me, because I x77 m not entitled to any woman. But there were white girls at school who were fucking with me and that x77 s who I went with.
When I think about it, I get why mainstream news outlets would choose to perpetuate yet another unattractive stereotype of Black women. Women, particularly Black women, are an easy target for a patriarchal industry. It&rsquo s when one of our own joins rank with the establishment that we&rsquo ve got to really ask ourselves &ldquo What the hell is going on?&rdquo In his 7566 book &ldquo Is Marriage for White People?&rdquo Ralph Richard Blanks, a law professor at Stanford University, states that one of the answers to the Black marriage crisis is for the mass of Steve Harvey advice-loving middle-class educated Black women to marry White men.
There are self-hating Black men who date white women for contrived and pathetic reasons, and I hate them. They&apos re so up front about their exclusive attraction to white women, and they&apos ll give you a list of reasons why. It is deliberate for them. They smugly go out of their way to put down Black women based on stereotypical notions about their attitude, or hair, or something equally stupid, and it&apos s corny and disgusting. That&apos s one of the issues with interracial dating. Any time a Black man walks around with a white woman, he&apos s giving off the impression that white women are his specific preference and that he has a problem with women of his own race, and because that applies to some Black men who date white women, it becomes a label that all of us are subjected to.
I started thinking about the media and asking myself what qualities I was actually attracted to in a man, specifically my boyfriend, versus what qualities I''d been taught to find attractive. Part of me used to envy how soft, straight, and blond his hair was. One of my favorite things to do was to play with his hair. He would lie with his head in my lap, and I would run my fingers through the blond strands. It was so effortless to do that, to just run my fingers through his hair. When I did that to my hair, my hand got stuck a quarter of the way through.
I don x77 t say that as some guilt-ridden rationalization for dating white women. There was no rationalization. I grew up how I grew up. I never consciously set out to date white women. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment. The year after the . verdict, my dad was now getting enough money to move his wife and three children to a nice house in a Chicago suburb. Nobody was trying to assimilate with white people, but sometimes that x77 s just the way things go when you want a better home and better schools for your family. But it does have an unforeseen effect on your outlook when you x77 re one of the few black families in town.
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And while I have never been a complete romantic, I admit I got warm and fuzzy inside when I saw President Obama and the First Lady share a dance at the Inaugural Ball. My girls some of whom swear up and down that romance is dead – called me to say how touched they were by the love and affection between the First Couple. I, too, was touched mainly because of the refreshing message being shown to our people, so many of whom don 8767 t see images of strong Black marriages that much any more.
Hi Domevelo - I believe (as is probably apparent from this blog) in the feminist adage of the "personal is political" and vice versa. I don''t see my choice to date black men as a sort of act of rebellion or even conscious solidarity, but just a natural fact given my upbringing and beliefs. I grew up in black communities the first 68 years of my life and have always lived in a black household - so that''s what I identify with. I, just like anyone else, was socialized to find certain things (and people) attractive. I do think there is something inherently amazing about black men and women that is most def connected to our shared history and that plays into my dating preferences.
When you''re still single, and your black & white dating story is still at a speculative stage, you''re best served by keeping an open-mind. But be wary of those who only see interracial dating as ''exotic'', who fetishize being with someone of a different race, or are merely rebelling against their family - they''re clearly in it for the wrong reasons 8. It''s perhaps best not to advertize the fact you''re looking for a particular race or ethnicity, since this increases your chances of encountering this wrong set of people. Simply make contact with the people you find attractive - if you''re a match, and it''s meant to be, that''s all you''ll need to do!
Though those events are something of which I x77 m always cognizant, I didn x77 t adhere to them as any sort of cautionary tale. The story of Till x77 s murder didn x77 t scare me as much as it made me want to piss off racist fucks even more. And I was only six years old when the . verdict was read. Even then, I understood that it was racial, but there was a disconnection from my personal reality. Nothing about my worldview was sexualized yet. Whatever I learned from the trial was tucked away as something that I should know as a black man, but it didn x77 t have a life-altering impact on my own development. I x77 m not going to murder anyone. For whatever implications the trial had, that shit also had nothing to do with me. The idea was always to live my life however I wanted to live it.
Sarah James talks about this in her article for the Huffington Post. She puts the comment in the context by pointing out that there are fewer black men than white men, black men are more likely to be incarcerated, and black men are less likely to be monogamous. Other stats show that 97% of black women are unmarried – which leads you to understand why black women might feel like a white woman is “creeping up” on their men.