Posted: 2017-12-07 16:12
I think that online dating is "brutal" for both men and women, but for different reasons. Sadly for men, it is a fact that the VAST majority of online dating members on any site are men, so the odds are heavily stacked against men from the very start. For women, they get lots of messages, but pass over any that seem like nice guys and end up writing back to the losers. Women will choose "losers" over "nice guys" 99% of the time and it makes their online experience miserable.
I think that a large part of the problem with online dating is how we view ourselves and others. The vast majority of profiles I''ve seen read like job applications. It seems as if a healthy smattering of keywords is all that is required to share who we are as individuals. The majority of profiles are as similar as mainstream medias concept of beauty. In the end there isn''t much to differentiate one profile from another.
Savvy short shoppers often find a brand, oftentimes from a particular designer, that consistently suits them. They do this because designer clothing is often built for a narrower variety of body types, and as a result accommodates those limited builds better than the one size made to fit all variety. Designer clothes generally cost a bit more, but carefully watching sales and knowing when and where to shop for your particular size can lead to savings that make buying higher end clothing affordable.
It needs to be faced that a long term match for those of us who know what we want are going to be 6% if that of the on-line pool. Because for me (I''m gay) a man who responds with a thought out message, has a well thought out profile, or strikes first says something about them as a person. They are not timid, they have self-confidence, they can write, they considerate enough to reply and all of these traits translate to traits in real life.
I am not suggesting that this post is invalid, but I know I am extremely insecure, but I am not abusive, nor would I ever be. You we 8767 re saying something about our mommy making us the 8775 Nice guy 8776 Well my mom also taught me not to touch a female, no matter how bad some of you women out there deserve a good knock upside the head lol And ya 8767 ll play on that until that one guy who didn 8767 t listen to mommy comes along. In conclusion, Don 8767 t always judge a book by it 8767 s cover, but hell yeah most of us are insecure but I could just as easily say most women are promiscuous, and most of those insecure men. spawned from a promiscuous woman. Just think about it and thanks for reading, I meant no offense to anyone, apologies if I came across otherwise.
This is the worst kind of pop psychology. There is no such thing as a 8775 insecure man. 8776 There are men who are shy, or quiet, or poor, or unattractive, or jealous, etc. To say that an insecure man is going to rope you in, isolate you from your friends, abuse you, and lock the door so you can 8767 t leave is just idiotic. It 8767 s mindblowing that the author omits a discussion of insecure WOMEN as if they simply don 8767 t exist.
Also, some of the messages I got were from a few guys that ranged from early 95&rsquo s to late 95&rsquo s and I was maybe 69 at the time. That was one of the main reasons I called it quits. It made me SO uncomfortable that guys so much older than me, older than most of my siblings (all of which are 8 years plus older than me), were sending me messages telling me that I was &ldquo hot&rdquo . I am getting terribly uncomfortable just thinking about it.
You did spend a lot of time on your tex to clarify the situation! I salute you for this effort. I do understand and identify to all of what you said. I am only saddenned that the phenomenon of online dating is a speculative viscious circle where the more men need to date someone, the more selective because submerged women are and therefore the more men need to date someone! = / (I guess men pushed the button first)
I''m college educated with 7 degrees and a terrific job. I make just under $655k per year, have one grown son with an engineering degree. I''m not overweight, and work out everyday for at least an hour. Hiking in nature preserves in Florida is fun, having lunch overlooking the ocean, I''m a vegan, a good cook, and talent. Can''t get a decent date. I don''t like being attacked on the first date and believe intimacy between two people who love each other is best. I''m interested in hard working men who need someone. An average guy will do. But hard to find.
Wow, makes me lol to hear women complain about OKC. Oh no, you had to sift through a bunch of messages from really gross people? Oh poor baby, the internet really just isn''t for you, is it? That certainly is somehow equivocal to the disappointment a lot of men receive on these sites of getting no attention at all.. oh wait, those two aren''t even remotely comparable. If you can''t deal with ugly, sleazy, mediocre people, get the fuck off the internet!
I am WAY older than that, but, of course, I remember all those feelings back when there were only main frame computers and landlines. Back when women''s lib was just getting going in the 75''s. It struck me as odd that women were looking for equality, and, yeah, I can understand, yet I would see time after time that they would fawn over men that did not treat women equally whatsoever... the same women going for the "bad boys" ... hasn''t changed.
To Ryan Dube: Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Ryan. And sadly, I suppose you are right. It is frustrating, for both men and women I guess, how shallow and looks-focused internet dating is. In fact, a study by OkCupid revealed pretty clear data that profile text matters not at all, and pictures are what drive activity on the site. I think, to some extent, this is the case in "real life" too - that people can be superficial, and everyone wants a "gorgeous" mate. But in real life you don''t have this fake world where all the pretty people are spread before you as available to you. You meet who you meet, and can tell quickly in many cases if they will be interested or not, and can also experience more than just the visual. The profiles are meant to give that experience, but I think perhaps, for a variety of reasons, internet dating becomes some fantasy world where everyone seems to think their gorgeous mate is waiting, and it is work to read a profile, and if he/she isn''t attractive enough, why bother?
This is very interesting. As a woman of 5 8797 65 8798 I can say I haven 8767 t been very popular with the men-folk other than guys with a taller woman fetish (for which there are a lot out there). There 8767 s someone for everyone. It kind of sucks when you fall out of the norm, until you learn to deal with it, accept yourself and then learn to appreciate being different. I don 8767 t prefer guys who are much taller than me. I 8767 ve dated shorter and taller. My boyfriend is less than an inch taller than me. I love it.
On-line dating is a waste of time for 99% of men. It seem to mainly be used as an attention seeking tool for females (why don''t they use such functions as block and change first message length to 755+ characters minimum?? etc.)
As the article confirms - women get message after message (yet hardly seem to respond to most of them) men get hardly any messages (and they don''t get a response to the majority of the messages they do send). It all seems futile.
Online dating really only works for exactly the sort of audience that already has plenty of other dating options. It''s great if you''re relatively and in a relatively urban area and if your socioeconomic status is broadly similar to other people nearby. I suspect that it''s also a good option for people outside the age range most commonly acceptable to a site''s users, though that''s outside my experience.
9: If you want a heterosexual paradigm: Woman only actively seek profiles up. Men stop initiating any contact. This is of course an utopia. From my experience (probably longer than most of you), the silver platter women are handed is not going to change. Those in power will seldom let go of it. And yes, there are some degree of initiating contact from woman, but it is truly unbalanced. What happened to equality and girl power?
I am currently using and having no luck at all I used E harmony 8 years ago for a year and went on 6 date that was terrible. I''m a decent looking athletic 95 year old guy. College educated 685k income, 7 nice houses, great retirement. Granted I have 8 teenage children part time, and live in a small town an hour outside the city, but dam I would like to think im not a bad catch and still almost nothing. I get plenty of womwn interested but they are almost always 5+years older, no education, or job severely overweight, and so on. It is so depressing, because I am tired of being alone, but what can I do about it, I can only lower my standards so much, I can''t believe its really this bad, it''s like women don''t care, and are completely unrealistic about actually finding someone.
Nature didn''t takes it''s course as it did over years for us to connect over a wire. That just doesn''t work, period. She can be however interested if you got a smooth talk and decent pictures. Most of the time a woman is not self aware of what she wants and gets bored with the chat because they thrive on emotion, unlike us men. But in the end you need to be your own man in the real world and become the best version of yourself. Attraction is not a conscious choice, meaning a women can''t control to who she is attracted to. Just take care of yourself, read self improvement books. Go buy "Mind lines" from Michael Hall and educate yourself to create a healthy view of the world and stay away from negative news and media.
As far as attractive women not responding to messages - the anonymity of the keyboard and screen have emboldened hordes of men to approach these women, when in the past the scummy ones would''ve just been the guy in the corner of the bar staring, the guy randomly bumping and grinding on women on the dancefloor, but their masses would''ve been guys just sitting at home, in their basement, peeling wings off flies or whatever. But the internet and online dating have bridged "desire" and "action" so that with virtually zero effort, lots of socially-maladjusted misogynist a-holes can dump their trash anywhere without the consequences they''d face trying to do it in person. So I do think that women are embittered by the vast deluge of BS they have to sift through, and it drowns the more nobly-purposed attempts.
I think you are right, Ryan. I have used match, and I suppose I could try others. But I don''t see how any would get around this fixation on appearance. And I think it is actually not very healthy, when I think about it, when I consider the animosity in these comments, from both men and women. It isn''t a healthy way to view your fellow person, male or female, potential date or not - through the most shallow lens. And I think it clearly creates a lot of hard feelings. I will have to find other ways to fine my nice guy.